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Original poster

Walked out of my own birthday lunch

1000 replies

Nevs · 06/12/2025 16:36

I walked out of my birthday lunch with colleagues yesterday. I know I’ve overreacted a bit but need some perspective from an outsiders perspective.

For context, as I feel it is relevant: I am a very tidy person and big on cleanliness. It’s an ongoing joke with people at work, as I wipe my desk down with antibacterial wipe each morning. My desk is always very tidy and bare, in comparison to everyone else’s, which people pick up on. There’s light teasing in the group but it’s fine, each of us have our own little quirks that make us unique. This is mine. I cannot relax in mess, so therefore my workspace needs the be clean and tidy, as does my house (as you’re probably guessing, no I don’t have kids yet 😆)

I have recently bought a brand new car, from the dealership. Everyone at work knows, they refer to it as my “big fancy car” It cost quite a lot but I’ve been saving for it for a while as it’s a car I’ve always wanted, and guess you could say it was a birthday present to myself. I’ve also had custom amendments to the interior and seats to make it look nicer. (Not trying to boast, as I said I’m just giving context to the situation)

Now on to the actual incident… It was my birthday yesterday. At work we all tend to eat out a local restaurant for lunch when it’s someone’s birthday.

I’m really not big on making a fuss on my birthday to be honest, it’s just another day to me, and I’ve been overwhelmed with work recently, so couldn’t have really done with that extra time to catch up on work. So I didn’t particularly want to go, but still I agreed to go for lunch since I guess you could say it’s tradition. While the restaurant is local, you need to drive there. So 5 of us went in 2 cars- 2 in one car, and 3 including myself, in my car (the two colleagues in my car don’t drive)

As I pulled up to the restaurant car park, I have colleague Sarah in my passenger seat, and Jane in the backseat. Just as we’re about t get out, Jane out of no where pulls out her lunchbox and says “Nev do you mind if I just eat this in here? I can’t eat anything in there right now (she’s on a diet)”
Immediately I’m irritated, as

  1. she put me on the spot, she did not warn me before hand
  2. as everyone knows, I’m a clean freak and admittedly a bit uptight, I can’t help it. And I’ve just spent a lot of money having my interior upgraded, she knew full well I would be uncomfortable with this, but she choose to put me in that situation anyway

My response was “Um, no? I don’t eat in my car”
She said she wouldn’t make a mess, and suggested for my benefit, as she doesn’t want to keep me waiting, I can leave her in my car with the car keys and she can lock up and meet us in the restaurant when she’s done. I said “Absolutely not. Why didn’t you say you weren’t going to be eating in there before we left?” She looked a bit put out but then accepted it, and said “it’s fine” put her lunchbox back in her bag and got out the car. Sarah would was sat in the passenger seat looked awkward and didn’t say anything.

We got into the restaurant and met the other two, who had already arrived and were seated. While seated Jane mentioned to the other two that she won’t be ordering. They asked her if she’d brought lunch with her, she said she had but she’ll eat back at the office. Then referred to the incident in my car while looking rather self pitying, this is not her usual demeanour, it looked like an act if I’m honest. I took that as she was looking for sympathy and to get the others on her side. Colleague Emma* laughed and said “Nevs as if you didn’t let her eat. Now she has to watch us and be hungry”

At that point I wasn’t happy, and I’m already aware I’m probably more annoyed than nessessary, l said “And whose fault is that? She sprung it on me out of no where” Jane then said she’s mentioned previously she can’t eat out at the moment due to her diet, which is a lie, she has never told me that.
I said she should have eaten at her before we came out. I also said to Jane “I wasn’t going to swallow any discomfort because you’ve put me in a situation you knew wouldn’t be comfortable with. If you feel awkward now, it’s on you” Emma then continues to press and says that regardless, if she wasn’t going to make a mess, it would have been nice if I’d let her use my car. At this point I snapped “My car my rules! That’s the end of the discussion!”
Everyone went quiet and looked awkwardly in their menus.

About 30 seconds go by and no one has said a word. I stand up and said “I’m not sitting in this awkwardness I don’t have time for it anyway, I’m going back” and leave. (Emma’s car is a 5 seater so fits all of them for the drive back, I wouldn’t have left anyway stranded)

I know snapping and walking out was extreme, I’m very stressed with work at the moment. I have my own portfolio that I cannot distribute out to anyone else for assistance. I’m overloaded with work. I think this was why I was so short with them.

I didn’t speak to any of them for the rest of the afternoon, everyone was quiet. I’m not dreading Monday, but I am anticipating another awkward atmosphere and I don’t even know how to go about it.

I know my delivery was unreasonable, but was colleague also unreasonable? Or am I just a snappy nightmare?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:21

RawBloomers · 07/12/2025 23:49

Yes they are idioms. They indicate, however, that the dictionary definition which also does not limit itself to liquids is well understood in day to day life.

Ignorance and persistence together - well done!

Show quote history

If you look at the examples to illustrate the definition (and the synonyms) they are all mainly referring to liquids.

And the key point I made is that the poster deliberately and slyly replaced the word spill to make her well laboured point that NONE OF US KNOW WHAT WAS IN JANE'S LUNCHBOX.

Blanknotebook · 08/12/2025 08:23

Nobody eats in my car either. It’s your property. No-one will offer to clean up after themselves. You have all the responsibility of buying the car, taxing and insuring it. They are getting free use of your vehicle so you make the rules. As for having to eat because of her diet, that is a pathetic excuse. There is always something to choose on a menu that can work in with a diet plan.

SuePlarr · 08/12/2025 08:25

It’s the bit where SC suggested she take your keys and lock up when she’d finished that would have sent me over the edge. I wouldn’t have made it into the restaurant after that.

I once had a work colleague slam the door on my second-hand-but-new-to-me Morris Marina after she’d been cadging free lifts. She never got in my car again, and I can hear that door slam to this day.

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:25

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:13

You say people-pleasing, I say shrewd - shrewd because these people are in the same industry as her and they currently work together. Her reaction created a net negative for her. So how smart was it?

Sometimes people-pleasing can be a strategic move. The car would have been just fine, and now it's OP's work reputation that's taken a dent. The fact that she was right doesn't change that, unfortunately. Big picture, my friend.

ETA: As for your comment about the hiring committee, do you not know that people in the same industry get to know each other, and they talk, and they shift jobs and companies and positions over the years? One of my former colleagues is now my line manager. And there were people who were a complete nightmare to work with when we were on the same level, and if they applied to join my company in my department now, I wouldn't hesitate to outline how they were unable to work in a team, were very difficult, whatever the issue was. If OP's behaviour is typical instead of a one-off, I would say "Not a team player, weak social skills." I totally agree with another poster who said it just wasn't worth it.

Picking your battles is wise, not people-pleasing.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with you if she was a generalist, but she's not. She's already explained that she has a unique set of skills and is poised to go it alone with those skills. People with unique skills can actually pick and choose who they work with or for. Some of the highlights of my own career, and my OH's, was to see the look on the faces of the twats people we refused to work for.

50-75% of the group will have been following the lead bully and probably admire her. As for the others, why on earth would she want to work with or for any of these people again?

Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:33

thepariscrimefiles · 08/12/2025 05:04

OP has been totally honest and hasn't tried to sugar coat her behaviour. Her posts have been amusing and self-aware. She has responded to the rude posts with humour and hasn't flounced off her own thread like many posters do if there is a bit of a pile on.

Your posts have been pretty unpleasant towards OP, very indignant when she challenged you and wasn't grateful for your advice and deeply smug.

Show quote history

She attempted to challenge me when I said she commanded people to end the discussion but she then conceded that she did command people in a completely OTT and dramatic fashion.

Yes the OP has shown her beautiful and fun, open soul with comments like this. The delusion on this thread is real.

Honestly I wonder how some of these posters survive in the real world. If they would bow down just to keep the peace in such a situation then I pity them, they’d get chewed up and spat out if they emerged from under their rock

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:35

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:25

I agree with you if she was a generalist, but she's not. She's already explained that she has a unique set of skills and is poised to go it alone with those skills. People with unique skills can actually pick and choose who they work with or for. Some of the highlights of my own career, and my OH's, was to see the look on the faces of the twats people we refused to work for.

50-75% of the group will have been following the lead bully and probably admire her. As for the others, why on earth would she want to work with or for any of these people again?

Edited
Show quote history

OK, but even if OP goes it alone, she has no idea when she might need a job again. Better not to burn bridges.

There's a saying: It's easier to catch bees with honey than with vinegar.

OP could have made a joke about it. She could have answered "Sure, but if you mark my brand-new interiors with your Laughing Cow, you'll get a dry-cleaning bill you'll never forget, ya cheeky article...🤣 What is the world coming to!" A laugh is had, and Jane gets to eat her lunch, but the point has been made.

Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:35

RawBloomers · 07/12/2025 23:49

Yes they are idioms. They indicate, however, that the dictionary definition which also does not limit itself to liquids is well understood in day to day life.

Ignorance and persistence together - well done!

Show quote history

Well done for trawling the internet to illustrate your non point! 👏👏👏

Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:45

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:13

You say people-pleasing, I say shrewd - shrewd because these people are in the same industry as her and they currently work together. Her reaction created a net negative for her. So how smart was it?

Sometimes people-pleasing can be a strategic move. The car would have been just fine, and now it's OP's work reputation that's taken a dent. The fact that she was right doesn't change that, unfortunately. Big picture, my friend.

ETA: As for your comment about the hiring committee, do you not know that people in the same industry get to know each other, and they talk, and they shift jobs and companies and positions over the years? One of my former colleagues is now my line manager. And there were people who were a complete nightmare to work with when we were on the same level, and if they applied to join my company in my department now, I wouldn't hesitate to outline how they were unable to work in a team, were very difficult, whatever the issue was. If OP's behaviour is typical instead of a one-off, I would say "Not a team player, weak social skills." I totally agree with another poster who said it just wasn't worth it.

Picking your battles is wise, not people-pleasing.

Edited
Show quote history

I totally agree with this. I have worked with someone who was incredibly capable and technically skilled, she was an adoption leave cover for a year. I was junior to her and learned so much from her because she was really knowledgeable.

Unfortunately she was such a nightmare person to work with, that word got round. She really struggled to find a suitable role when she left because people in the industry talked.

Lateron · 08/12/2025 08:45

Nevernonono · 08/12/2025 06:52

No she doesn’t and she doesn’t intend to have any.

Show quote history

And that’s a problem isn’t it?
OP has considered having children but doesn’t think she’ll be able to cope with the mess young children bring and doesn’t think it would be fair on the children either.

That’s where it’s clear that perfectionism and rigidity can be a problem.

I know lots of people are applauding your stance on here OP, but I see you as someone with issues that are negatively impacting on your life. They’re affecting your relationships at work and mean you think you’d find it difficult to be a mother.

It’s normal to like things to be clean and orderly but, like everything, if it goes too far it can be a problem. I think you’re at that stage and counselling might be beneficial, especially if you really do want children.

Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:48

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:25

I agree with you if she was a generalist, but she's not. She's already explained that she has a unique set of skills and is poised to go it alone with those skills. People with unique skills can actually pick and choose who they work with or for. Some of the highlights of my own career, and my OH's, was to see the look on the faces of the twats people we refused to work for.

50-75% of the group will have been following the lead bully and probably admire her. As for the others, why on earth would she want to work with or for any of these people again?

Edited
Show quote history

Is she Liam Neeson per chance?

Walked out of my own birthday lunch
Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:49

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:35

OK, but even if OP goes it alone, she has no idea when she might need a job again. Better not to burn bridges.

There's a saying: It's easier to catch bees with honey than with vinegar.

OP could have made a joke about it. She could have answered "Sure, but if you mark my brand-new interiors with your Laughing Cow, you'll get a dry-cleaning bill you'll never forget, ya cheeky article...🤣 What is the world coming to!" A laugh is had, and Jane gets to eat her lunch, but the point has been made.

Show quote history

And the bullies have won again. At some point somebody needs to stand up to bullying. The OP sounds to me from her posts to be one of the most rational and capable people posting on this forum. We weren't there. When she says she is not in any fear of work repercussions from this, then I take her at her word.

The current model of "Be nice", "Be kind" are an absolute gift to the sociopaths and psychopaths who are all around us.

scaredfriend · 08/12/2025 08:49

YANBU. I have an old car. It’s a bit battered and weathered on the outside and is absolutely NOT my pride and joy, but I keep the interior clean and do not allow anyone to eat in my car, with the exception of genuine emergencies of course. I have no desire to drive along accompanied of bits of crisps and sandwich crumbs nor want to deal with airing out other people’s lunch aromas. My kids moan but they know the rules and prefer to travel in DH’s car which I don’t think has ever seen a vacuum cleaner in the 4 years he’s owned it!

Lateron · 08/12/2025 09:04

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:49

And the bullies have won again. At some point somebody needs to stand up to bullying. The OP sounds to me from her posts to be one of the most rational and capable people posting on this forum. We weren't there. When she says she is not in any fear of work repercussions from this, then I take her at her word.

The current model of "Be nice", "Be kind" are an absolute gift to the sociopaths and psychopaths who are all around us.

Show quote history

Most people around us are not psychopaths/sociopaths!

The OP has issues and she has said this herself. She is questioning OCD. I’m not sure if she has this tbh rather than something like OCPD — as OCD is widely misunderstood — but it is certainly not something for those on MN to admire. It’s a cruel and hugely debilitating mental health problem that affects both the person themselves and those closest to them. It is capable of destroying a person’s life.

OCPD is no joke either.

Original poster
Nevs · 08/12/2025 09:10

Emonade · 08/12/2025 07:59

I don’t think it’s OCD I think it’s psychopathy! You sound like the female Patrick Bateman

Show quote history

I’ll take that

OP posts:
CalculatingCrispen · 08/12/2025 09:12

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:13

You say people-pleasing, I say shrewd - shrewd because these people are in the same industry as her and they currently work together. Her reaction created a net negative for her. So how smart was it?

Sometimes people-pleasing can be a strategic move. The car would have been just fine, and now it's OP's work reputation that's taken a dent. The fact that she was right doesn't change that, unfortunately. Big picture, my friend.

ETA: As for your comment about the hiring committee, do you not know that people in the same industry get to know each other, and they talk, and they shift jobs and companies and positions over the years? One of my former colleagues is now my line manager. And there were people who were a complete nightmare to work with when we were on the same level, and if they applied to join my company in my department now, I wouldn't hesitate to outline how they were unable to work in a team, were very difficult, whatever the issue was. If OP's behaviour is typical instead of a one-off, I would say "Not a team player, weak social skills." I totally agree with another poster who said it just wasn't worth it.

Picking your battles is wise, not people-pleasing.

Edited
Show quote history

You are the gift that keeps on giving my friend!

"Shrewd" to sit in a car with a grown woman watching she doesn't drop food 😂

Maybe OP should "shrewdly" have a stock of pelican bibs just in case another lunchbox Laura decides HER car is the place to eat lunch

Please, post more insights as to how a woman having boundaries should behave 😁

Mrswhiskers87 · 08/12/2025 09:13

no one including kids eat in my car and it’s not even new. What cheeky fuckers. I honestly wouldn’t give it another thought.

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 09:17

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 08:49

And the bullies have won again. At some point somebody needs to stand up to bullying. The OP sounds to me from her posts to be one of the most rational and capable people posting on this forum. We weren't there. When she says she is not in any fear of work repercussions from this, then I take her at her word.

The current model of "Be nice", "Be kind" are an absolute gift to the sociopaths and psychopaths who are all around us.

Show quote history

I mean, I don't think that asking to eat a packed lunch in the car is bullying.

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 09:19

CalculatingCrispen · 08/12/2025 09:12

You are the gift that keeps on giving my friend!

"Shrewd" to sit in a car with a grown woman watching she doesn't drop food 😂

Maybe OP should "shrewdly" have a stock of pelican bibs just in case another lunchbox Laura decides HER car is the place to eat lunch

Please, post more insights as to how a woman having boundaries should behave 😁

Show quote history

Well, I'm glad I'm amusing you so much! 🤣Maybe I should do a one-woman show on YouTube - sounds like you'd be my biggest fan! 😂 Who said Monday mornings were boring?

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 09:22

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 09:17

I mean, I don't think that asking to eat a packed lunch in the car is bullying.

Show quote history

How many more times.

The decision was not accepted with grace, the argument was carried on into a restaurant where the car-eater got the whole group to criticise the OP, when she was supposed to be celebrating her birthday.

I call that bullying.

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 09:24

Lateron · 08/12/2025 09:04

Most people around us are not psychopaths/sociopaths!

The OP has issues and she has said this herself. She is questioning OCD. I’m not sure if she has this tbh rather than something like OCPD — as OCD is widely misunderstood — but it is certainly not something for those on MN to admire. It’s a cruel and hugely debilitating mental health problem that affects both the person themselves and those closest to them. It is capable of destroying a person’s life.

OCPD is no joke either.

Edited
Show quote history

Most people around us are not psychopaths/sociopaths

Most of the Board and senior management of the companies most people work for will be one.

Sisublondie · 08/12/2025 09:33

Marinade · 08/12/2025 08:48

Is she Liam Neeson per chance?

Show quote history

😹😹😹! Love it! 😻

RampantIvy · 08/12/2025 09:35

Imdunfer · 08/12/2025 09:22

How many more times.

The decision was not accepted with grace, the argument was carried on into a restaurant where the car-eater got the whole group to criticise the OP, when she was supposed to be celebrating her birthday.

I call that bullying.

Show quote history

I agree. It is clear that the poster you replied to doesn't have good reading comprehension skills.

browneyes77 · 08/12/2025 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Marinade · 08/12/2025 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You know what you did but I'm enjoying your mental gymnastics in trying so hard to be convincing that you didn't do what I say you did.

Please do not engage with me, best thing you have written on this thread thus far.

PinkMagpie · 08/12/2025 10:02

SoftBalletShoes · 08/12/2025 08:35

OK, but even if OP goes it alone, she has no idea when she might need a job again. Better not to burn bridges.

There's a saying: It's easier to catch bees with honey than with vinegar.

OP could have made a joke about it. She could have answered "Sure, but if you mark my brand-new interiors with your Laughing Cow, you'll get a dry-cleaning bill you'll never forget, ya cheeky article...🤣 What is the world coming to!" A laugh is had, and Jane gets to eat her lunch, but the point has been made.

Show quote history

No one respects people who talk like this. It just makes you look like a weak person who is scared to say no to something they don’t want

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