Burst my friend's bubble?

[Flyingmonica]

My friend goes on about her son likely being tall - 6 foot 3 based on the UK growth chart. Would I be unreasonable in telling her that because she isn't very tall, this is unlikely to be the case and that the growth chart predictions are rubbish?

She is sold on the idea of her son being tall and her son has come to believe that too but I think that now he is approaching puberty, he may become very disappointed.

Should I just leave it be or should I give her a dose of reality?

How are you saving them from disappointment? You’re just the one delivering the disappointing news now rather than waiting for them to realise in the future.

@Echobelly , not necessarily. Children are usually taller than the shorter parent.

Why is that your job?

It sounds more like she annoys you, and you're using the excuse of "I'm doing her and son a favour" to get her to stfu about it. Are you or your children short? Is this hitting a nerve somehow?

Unless it’s literally all she talks about and will be absolutely devastated then I think it’s a bit of a non issue. I would just say “oh my friend thought her son would be really tall but he turned out 5ft 11” or whatever. You don’t have to manage her expectations for her or save her from disappointment, she might feel disappointed in the future but that’s ok

I am sure they will get over the not very great disappointment of being shorter than 6ft 3 without your intervention. She sounds a bit silly and dull if she goes on about this a lot - I suspect your wish to tell her he may be shorter is more that it is annoying to listen to rather than any altruistic desire.

What an utterly weird service to provide. Would you also like to warn my brother that his son might not get into his first choice of uni?

Why would you feel the need to temper their expectations. He will be whatever height he is.
My whole family is short, my nephews dad was very short. My nephew said when he was ten he was going to 6 foot 4. And then said this every time I met him. Despite him being the smallest in his year at that time.
He is in fact 6 foot 4 now. He towers above us.
There must be tall genes somewhere but not in his immediate family.
Your friends son could well turn out to be tall, or short. Or anything in between.

Dd was always on the 99.9th centile for height.
At 18 she is 6ft 1.
Dh is 6ft 6.
I'm 5ft 6.
She has always been the tallest in her class, no mad growth spurts, just steadily growing.

I agree. Your OP suggests you want to "bring her down a peg or two". I assume he has been tall for his age so far, for her to expect this, based on the charts. Does it come across as bragging? Hitting a nerve for you in some way?
I'd keep my thoughts to myself and hope he is happy with his height in the future.

My DS1 is 6ft 2 and both me and his Dad are 5ft 7. There’s no real height either side, my Dad is 5ft 10/11 my exes Dad is about 5ft 9.

Ex dh is 5'10, mum is 5-8...... DSS is 6'5 and spurted between 16-18.

The growth predictions showed ds3 would be around 5ft 3in. He was very short as a toddler and I had to buy him school trousers aged 2-3 when he was 4, nearly 5. The paediatrician was talking about putting him on growth hormones. Now aged nearly 15 he is 5ft 4in and still growing.

In this situation I just wouldn't comment. You may be right, you may be wrong but pointing it out won't help anyone.

I think the growth charts are a better bet than parental height. It's only an average though. What age her DH/dad stopped growing might also feature, if they grew early and then stopped then maybe you're right.

Either way, he'll grow or not grow gradually so his and his parents' expectations will be managed gently by nature.

I think maybe you're finding it a bit annoying her banging on about it? You're not wrong in a way, it's not the most healthy thing for a parent or child to be proud of, being out of everyone's control. Just move on and talk about his interests, much more interesting for everyone and less embarrassing for the poor kid.

Allow her to believe this to be true, what's the harm?
He could maybe grow even taller.

Why do you need to say something? It doesn’t impact you at all- just let them be.

@Flyingmonica , tell her that unless she has some secrets about a very tall milkman, he'll probably not be 6'3". It might open a whole new topic of conversation.

It does come across as you being annoyed and wanting her to stop going on about her son's potential height. I can understand the impulse if she's being boring about it, because who really cares if he's tall or only average—or even short? They of course will care, but they'll get over the disappointment.

The absolute most I'd do, if I couldn't take it any more, would be to casually mention someone you know (if any) who seemed on their way to being tall, then ended up shorter than everyone expected. For instance, I was the tallest girl in my class for a few years, but then I stopped growing after about 11 or 12, and now I'm just about average height. My sister was always tall as a child, and she ended up being over 6 feet, so you never know. But I wouldn't make too much of it, because it doesn't matter, and she and he will be fine, whatever happens.

Does it matter?

Is she raising her son to believe it is important that he is tall and that his happiness will depend on it?

If so then yes I would try to find a way to slip in stuff about height not being the be all and end all.

I’m 5’4” and dd1 is 5’9”. You have no clue how tall her son would be so why bother upsetting her when she might be right? Dc are usually taller than their parents.

Yeah don’t say anything and leave her to be disappointed on her own. My husband is 6’1 and I’m 5’3. Although son started off high on the growth chart as a baby, it looks like he’s got my height genes and will be on the short side (mid teens now). It doesn’t matter, he’s a lovely lad with loads of fantastic qualities. Not sure why people are obsessed with height.

Why does she care so much about his height rather tgan his character?

YABU to say a thing! I'm 5'4 and XH is 5'6 and DS is 6 foot! Genetics are more complicated than you think.

Why is your problem to resolve?

I'm sorry but it's none of your fucking business.

I'm sure they will both resolve this themselves naturally over time without you needing to put your oar in.

They will work it out for themselves.

You are overstepping unnecessarily