Manager is making my life hell

galaxybeyond101 · 2025-12-06T12:15:25+00:00

I started a new role about 7 months ago and feel like I made a huge mistake. My manager is utterly horrible towards me. This is her first time managing someone… when I first joined she was nice, patient and supportive. Over time the mask has slipped, she berates me in front of colleagues, micromanagers me, everything I do seems to be wrong. Some days she is nice, chatty and overly nice to me and other days she is cold as ice and criticises everything I do. I never know what version of her I am going to get. I am constantly treading on eggshells and dread going to work every day. The work itself I enjoy but with her as a manager I don’t feel as though I will make it a year. I have applied for numerous jobs but this time of year, it seems not many places are recruiting in the lead up to Christmas. I am going to make it a mission to get out in the new year. Has anyone else had a hellish manager and how did you cope?

Interpink · 06/12/2025 12:16

Can you be as absolutely specific as possible with some examples of what she does that pushes your buttons?

SpanThatWorld · 06/12/2025 12:37

Yes, my last job had a line manager who used exactly this style of management.

How did I cope? Making good relationships with colleagues who were less unstable and making plans for escape. It took 4 years but the joy of leaving that dump was worth it.

HelplessSoul · 06/12/2025 12:42

So launch a grievance on her - on the basis that you have tangible evidence?

Searching for a new job is of course one solution, but in the meantime, why suffer from your existing manager?

Grievance
Grievance
Grievance

Willowkins · 06/12/2025 12:42

I complained to her boss along the lines that she was damaging the mission. Only to be told she would be moving to another department in a few weeks. She was a narcissist and I'm only sorry that it took so long to see her for who she was.

StuffyHuffyPuffy · 06/12/2025 12:44

HelplessSoul · 06/12/2025 12:42

So launch a grievance on her - on the basis that you have tangible evidence?

Searching for a new job is of course one solution, but in the meantime, why suffer from your existing manager?

Grievance
Grievance
Grievance

This!

I'll never suffer from bad management again. Cover your ass before she's all over it.

Randomlygeneratedname · 06/12/2025 12:47

Raise with her manager or HR, say you are unhappy and would like to be moved to a different line manager. I used to have a team of 7, whatever I had going on at home had to be left at the door, I believe strongly that you should not turn up in different moods with everyone walking on eggshells. Berating you Infront of people is disgusting.

Frenchexs · 06/12/2025 13:08

SpanThatWorld · 06/12/2025 12:37

Yes, my last job had a line manager who used exactly this style of management.

How did I cope? Making good relationships with colleagues who were less unstable and making plans for escape. It took 4 years but the joy of leaving that dump was worth it.

Same here, had a supervisor/mentor like ops. You have to make sure you’re not isolated.

shivermetimbers77 · 06/12/2025 13:27

It’s awful having a manager like that, I’ve only experienced it once in my career but it was awful and really knocked my - and numerous colleagues’- confidence. In retrospect, my advice
would be to clearly document everything and keep excellent records. Note down the time , date, exact words used, your response. Any rude emails : save. In order to build a case for a grievance you need very good evidence. Even if it doesn’t get that far, then just the act of recording everything makes you feel more in control .. Also, in the meantime, look for other jobs. Good luck.

Evaka · 06/12/2025 13:33

I personally would confront her and consistently push back when she's unprofessional. Develop a few stock phrases such as:

it's not clear to me what you want to happen from this conversation;
can you put that in writing so I'm really clear what you're saying;

-that wasn't a constructive way to communicate your ideas/wishes.

Hold a mirror up to her behaviour and stay robotically neutral. It'll mess with her head. And yeah, keep looking for something else.

EBearhug · 06/12/2025 13:38

I left my last role after 5 months because of micromanagement. I had expected it to take months, but my current job came up quickly and I got it. I did take a little pleasure in only having to give a week's notice as I was still on probation.

The new job is fewer hours, substantially more money, no on-call (plus I've just been promoted after 10 months,) and a far shorter commute, but I wouldn't have started looking if it hadn't been for the micromanagement, and I made that clear at my exit interview, because I've been in jobs before where eople said they were leaving because of a manager, but to HR, said it was because of money or promotion opportunities or something- so HR don't get to know that it's the manager who is really the issue and can't take action. In my case, I think the guy could be okay with some training and more experience, but I've seen others where the manager just shouldn't have been managing people.

Andsoitbeganagain · 06/12/2025 14:04

Sounds like we worked for same person. I was lucky and she was moved elsewhere in the business but she destroyed my confidence while I was reporting to her. I see her occasionally now and she's always overly friendly. She has no idea how universally disliked she is.

Original poster

galaxybeyond101 · 06/12/2025 14:48

I don’t think I could go to HR as she has been at the company a long time and seems to be liked by other colleagues who she doesn’t manage. It’s as though I am the only getting the brunt of her. I am new to the company so I just worry how this will look

OP posts:

Apricotafternoon · 06/12/2025 14:58

Sounds like a manager I used to have. I ended up having panic attacks because of her. I left and a few years after, the company realised she was a bully and they fired her.

I'd leave op, maybe take some annual leave to rest and have that fire in your belly when you return knowing you're leaving.

ClaredeBear · 06/12/2025 15:08

galaxybeyond101 · 06/12/2025 14:48

I don’t think I could go to HR as she has been at the company a long time and seems to be liked by other colleagues who she doesn’t manage. It’s as though I am the only getting the brunt of her. I am new to the company so I just worry how this will look

I would be so very surprised you were the only person on the receiving end of her mismanagement. HR might already be aware there are issues. Please have a chat with them.

Friendlygingercat · 06/12/2025 15:39

Have you tried📧
"If you have something to say to me please do it in private. I dont appreciate being spoken to like this in front of colleagues. Its not professional behaviour."

Cant say how many times Ive said something like this in a very terse "teacher" voice which comes naturally to me. I enjoy seeing their discomfiture and they tend to treat you with more respect when they see you will stand up for yourself. Always begin in a workplace as you mean to go on.

BigJeffrey · 06/12/2025 15:45

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SwirlyShirly · 06/12/2025 15:47

I’ve been there before, not knowing whether you’re walking in to nice manager or horrible manager is a horrible horrible feeling. Unfortunately I can’t offer any advice - as you’re already doing as I did and getting the heck out of there. Good luck finding a new job quickly x

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 06/12/2025 15:48

Sort of. My LM isn't cold, just an idiot. Although I speak from experience in the way of being at a company for over a decade, the LM I had in 2021 left and was replaced by said idiot. It was a case of "YorkshireGoldDrinker needs a manager and we're approaching you with the role." and they took it. It's not been easy, but I've done what's asked of me and no problems. There was one time they almost royally cocked up and nearly landed the company in a spat with HR, but quickly changed course once the managing director got involved (I assume it was them, there's virtually no transparency where I work).

My only advice here would be to be brave and stick out for as long as you can. Worse case is your manager ends up being the one that leaves.

SwirlyShirly · 06/12/2025 15:59

To add to my previous comment, keep her at arms length the days she’s being ‘nice’, keep your home and personal life separate - don’t engage in any chit-chat about your personal life, be polite but distant and professional. This is the only advice I can offer. Just do your job to the best of your ability, be polite and professional and leave work at the door when you leave. Again, best of luck.

GaIadriel · 06/12/2025 16:05

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Fuck that! Not OPs problem.

regista · 06/12/2025 16:06

I had similar, in my first job, in a very small company so limited options. It was miserable working for this new manager who had pretty quickly rubbed everyone up the wrong way. Much of what you describe, micromanaged and undermined frequently. I was moved to a project with a fixed end date at my choice and I agreed that I would leave at the end of it. I had been at the company three years and was friendly and popular, but the fact that I was due to leave after the project slipped everyone by - most I think, didn't know and I kept my business to myself. On the last day I just walked out the door, with many people thinking they would see me again on Monday. My rotten manager was disliked by most there and this did not help her.

I had been looking for work and something fell into place a couple of weeks after leaving. I never looked back. I learnt a lot from the experience.

For now, I know it must be rotten but just stick it out as best you can while you look around for something else. Some good suggestions here on how to stand up to your manager in the meantime. Bullies don't like to be stood up to - always be firm, businesslike, super polite.

Doone22 · 06/12/2025 21:04

If she has a boss speaking to them to say she's not doing well as a person manager.
Or leave like I did

Gettingbysomehow · 06/12/2025 21:06

The last time this happened I made notes about every single incident then when I had enough went to unison. There were meetings and he was sacked.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/12/2025 21:11

galaxybeyond101 · 06/12/2025 14:48

I don’t think I could go to HR as she has been at the company a long time and seems to be liked by other colleagues who she doesn’t manage. It’s as though I am the only getting the brunt of her. I am new to the company so I just worry how this will look

Being nice and trying hard is doing precisely zero for you.

As someone who put up with this kind of shit from bad managers for wayyyy too long in my 20s.
I'm 40+ now and have managed 100s of people now...

She cant be spoken to and doesnt seem to know what she is doing (v common in new managers as is micro managing)

Document it where you can and file a grievance.

She wants to make your life hell.
Fine.
But can burn too...

File the grievance with HR, cry do what ypu need to and put her on notice
in the meantime, get your CV done and get put there.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/12/2025 21:17

SwirlyShirly · 06/12/2025 15:59

To add to my previous comment, keep her at arms length the days she’s being ‘nice’, keep your home and personal life separate - don’t engage in any chit-chat about your personal life, be polite but distant and professional. This is the only advice I can offer. Just do your job to the best of your ability, be polite and professional and leave work at the door when you leave. Again, best of luck.

Hard agree with this.

No personal chat