Manager is making my life hell

[galaxybeyond101]

I started a new role about 7 months ago and feel like I made a huge mistake. My manager is utterly horrible towards me.

This is her first time managing someone… when I first joined she was nice, patient and supportive. Over time the mask has slipped, she berates me in front of colleagues, micromanagers me, everything I do seems to be wrong.

Some days she is nice, chatty and overly nice to me and other days she is cold as ice and criticises everything I do. I never know what version of her I am going to get. I am constantly treading on eggshells and dread going to work every day. The work itself I enjoy but with her as a manager I don’t feel as though I will make it a year. I have applied for numerous jobs but this time of year, it seems not many places are recruiting in the lead up to Christmas.

I am going to make it a mission to get out in the new year. Has anyone else had a hellish manager and how did you cope?

Yes I’ve had a similar manager and it’s hell. The problem is that you don’t feel psychologically safe at work - this is bad for your wellbeing. There are a few things to do

• start logging everything. Date / who / what happened / outcome / witnesses / how it made you feel - but don’t act on it yet - just log
• check your company’s bullying policy (or whatever policy supports respectful behaviour at work)
• document everything you can - eg if she asks you do to do something send her a quick email confirming the instructions. Don’t ask her to agree just send it abd end it with ‘if I’ve missed or misunderstood something please let me know by x date’ Always be professional and polite in the emails because you may need them later if you file a grievance. When she later berates you about what you did follow it up with another ensil to her documenting in summary what happened / what she said and what she wants you to do - ending with ‘of I’ve misunderstood or missed something please let me know by x date’ (rather than asking her agreement)
• the above approach means you are evidencing everything. She will notice but cannot stop you. But it may stop her behaviour and make her thing twice. There is something about seeing it in writing that is stark and hard hitting. Hopefully just this will be enough. But if not ….
• Once you have evidenced a pattern of behaviour towards you you are on safer ground to raise a grievance which she cannot easily dismiss as a misunderstanding or deny. She cannot deny it when you face the emails to her confirming it.
• look for another job in the meantime
• build your allies network at work - even if they are in other departments

Thanks all for the very helpful responses. I feel like I have bit breaking point now. Last week was utterly horrendous and I was crying every evening and actually was nearly sick before work due to pure anxiety. I have decided to hand my notice in before Christmas without a new job to go to.

I feel so stupid as I really thought this could be a great job (good company with good perks) but with her as a manager and the way I feel every day, I don’t think it’s worth making myself ill. My family and partner are very supportive but it doesn’t help feeling like a bit of a failure.

i worry about how this will look and how easily I will find a new job but my mental health is in tatters.

To top it off, she set me a ‘task’ which had errors and I had to ‘find the mistakes’ and send them back to her, I felt like a child getting homework in school.

Please use this as part of your resignation.
Listing her treatment of you.
This is absolutely bullying.
We are here for you.

Is there any reason you just wouldn't go out sick and not return until after Christmas.
Get signed off due to the stress of being bullied.
See your GP, before doing anything.

Although it's easy for us to say, if everything else about the job that you like, then you have to be patient.
A friend of mine who recently retired said, good managers come and go bad managers come and go, they typically don't stay forever, the problem is that the good ones feel like a short time, the bad ones feel like forever because they're making your life hell.

Like everyone else says one of the tricks is to document everything. Make sure you're not late, make sure that you know what it is that you're supposed to be doing, make good relationships with your coworkers, make sure that you're not making waves/ trouble in any way, and document everything that this manager is doing almost like a journal.
Keep notes of things. It won't hurt, as long as it's not taking you forever to do this and you don't leave the notebook somewhere, it might even help you become more productive that you can go back in your notes and see when certain projects were started or ended or other things happened... But it also gives you a record of these grievances.
Not sure if that's incredibly helpful, but it is something that you can do at this time

It's not worth your mental health - if you can quit without a job to go to, then do it. Get your CV out there and when asked about availability, just state when you are free. Some employers are so happy when you say you are available immediately.

I am sorry to read that you have had to leave to preserve your own health. Unfortunately there are too many managers who appear reasonable to those outside a team but are awful bosses. I was reminded of a team I interact with, who for about three years had a similar boss. Fortunately in a way the team members all found other good roles, but should never have been in this position.

I hope you find a new job soon.

I just left an awful manager. Bullying, isolation, micromanaging, mobbing.
I was was almost suicidal and it made me mentally ill.

@galaxybeyond101 I complained to HR and her line manager - that got it sorted but it was nevr the same again and I had to find a new job

I think resigning is a good plan. You can always detail this role as a contractor so the expectation isn't that you were there very long or a career break.