Drunk mates staying over

[ZippyBlueViper]

Last night oh turned up at 1am with 2 other men all really drunk. One of them i know a little bit and the other i had never met before.
We have 3 kids, 14, 5 and 5 month old.
Oh said they're staying over. I said no they're not.
The one that i know a little bit stayed over after a night out last week and eldest dd said she felt uncomfortable when she came down to breakfast and there was just a random man there.
The week before that another of his mates stayed over who i do know really well and kids know him but he was that drunk he wet the bed and was all left for me to clean up.
I put my foot down last night and said they absolutely were not staying over. I don't feel comfortable with it and it's not a doss house where every drunk idiot can use it as a hotel.
Oh thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair. I think I'm just protecting myself and the kids?

Nope, yanbu. He should of told them to get a taxi home!

YANBU

That is outrageous behaviour from your OH

Ridiculous!
Also why did you clean up the piss when it was your husbands mate that wet the bed?

I wouldnt be cleaning up after these drunken unwanted guests.
your H sounds selfish. What is he like generally?

So that’s three weeks in a row your OH has come back steaming drunk and expects his friends to stay over? I’d be telling the mates PLUS OH to sling their hook - what a pisstaker! Do you ever get to go out?

No yanbu at all op and peeing the bed is disgusting. They sound like the have problems with alcohol.

Yeah it's definitely becoming too much of a habit !

The absolute fucking cheek to do this after you cleaned up someone's piss!

Absolutely not being unreasonable! There’s no way I’d have near enough strangers staying in my house with my children there. Especially if one of my children had said they felt uncomfortable last time!
Personally I wouldn’t be happy with my husband going out and getting so drunk when I was home alone with 3 children anyway, especially one as young as 5 months old. That would be quite a big boundary for me but I appreciate not everyone will feel the same

Your oh is an arsehole, sorry, and so are his mates. He’s still behaving like he’s single. Your children should never have to come down to strange men in the kitchen!

And who the fuck thinks you are being unreasonable?

You are a family home not a student house! Sounds like dad needs to stop drinking & putting his children at risk & walking all over you.

Your OH should start behaving like a dad. He’s not a teenager anymore, that’s really embarrassing behaviour for a grown man.

Your H seems intent on turning your home into a doss house OP.

It sounds as though he has a real drink problem if going out and getting drunk is his normal behaviour. And like a lot of drunks he is mixing with those with similar problems.

He has no respect for you, for his children, or for for his home.

He has no concern for the safety of his children. Or for that matter your safety. Or the safety of his home.

I think you need to have a serious discussion about his drinking. And the fact he cannot offer open house to the local drunks. If he won't address these issues I would be looking at at least a temporary separation.

They are grown men. Why can't they just go the fuck home?

When I first opened this I thought it was going to be about teenage kids.

YANBU.
Your H is selfish and putting himself and mates before family.

Why on earth are they not going home why would they need to stay over, they are grown men? What is wrong with your husband he sounds like a teenager!

Sounds like he has no respect for you as youve said no and it keeps happening. If he was going out again i'd be leaving the door locked, key in door. He can have a sleepover at his mates house for once!

Him and his friend should be mortified, so drunk theyre pissing the bed? I'd not be able to look at my husband the same way again.

He's taking the piss and I'd have kicked him out along with his mates.

Why is he going out and coming home drunk with fellow drunkards in tow, every weekend when you have a baby?

I’d have suggested he left along with his drunk mates!
Your house is not a drop in centre FFS.
Is he usually this awful?

Not unreasonable at all Op. Why does he think it's OK to come home that drunk, with mates, at 1am and wake you all up? He must be in his 30s at least, time he grew up

This. I would have stripped the bed and dumped it on top of my DH to deal with

You have a 5 month old baby and 3 times in the last week or so your OH has gone out and gotten so drunk he has brought people back.

Well that's reassuring to know it's not me being unfair!

So i cleaned the bedding because Oh would never have done it. He does zero house work, says because he works he will not do it. Can't be bothered arguing about it so i just do it. (I work as well but that's a whole other argument)

We live rurally so to be fair taxis are a no go but i think they should be arranging lifts etc not relying on being able to stay here.
Oh is 40.

We've got 2 spare bedrooms so he was saying I'm being unreasonable because we have the space for people to stay.

I said I'm happy for people to stay if

1. They're people we know,
2. it's prearranged so the kids know before they go to bed and don't wake up and wonder who on earth is at kitchen table
3. Not just because they've got too drunk and can't get themselves home.

His response was he's going out again today with one of them so it made sense for them to stay. Anyway they didn't stay and I've made it very clear if he turns up with people tonight they won't be staying either.

I don't go out because baby is exclusively breast fed, i didn't really drink anyway even before baby, i don't like being hungover the next day because I've all the kids to sort, and i struggle for childcare.

I love being with the kids and genuinely enjoy their company more than a boozy night out.
Last night we had a movie night and watched the grinch. Today we're going to Christmas lights, ice skating, and Christmas market. That's my perfect weekend to be honest.

YANBU this would really annoy me! Especially as it sounds like it’s happening a lot. Your main issue is OH, why is getting drunk so often and bringing people home with him?? When he’s sober you need to have a serious talk. If he’s drinking why can’t he just get a taxi back on his own. Also if this is happening a lot, maybe his drinking is the main issue?

At this point I thought this was made up!

There is a very serious problem with disrespect here.
Bringing home drunks and being drunk himself is bad enough, but if I ever had to clear up my husband's drunken mate's piss, I would go fucking nuclear. I mean, absolutely berserk. And the result of that would be he wouldn't even ask to bring people back.
And I wouldn't put up with him doing zero housework either.

Why are you with this man OP why? He doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect your daughter and looks to be a completely detached father