Drunk mates staying over

[ZippyBlueViper]

Last night oh turned up at 1am with 2 other men all really drunk. One of them i know a little bit and the other i had never met before.
We have 3 kids, 14, 5 and 5 month old.
Oh said they're staying over. I said no they're not.
The one that i know a little bit stayed over after a night out last week and eldest dd said she felt uncomfortable when she came down to breakfast and there was just a random man there.
The week before that another of his mates stayed over who i do know really well and kids know him but he was that drunk he wet the bed and was all left for me to clean up.
I put my foot down last night and said they absolutely were not staying over. I don't feel comfortable with it and it's not a doss house where every drunk idiot can use it as a hotel.
Oh thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair. I think I'm just protecting myself and the kids?

This. You both have completely different ideas of what relationships and parenting are like. Another day, another woman posting about her shitty partner. Who are these men?!

And he’d rather go out with his mates than do this? You’d be better off without him tbh

He'd have been paying for a new mattress if it was my house!!!

Your husband (and his mates) sound like alcoholic wastes of space.

Completely entitled behaviour. And you have indulged it for too long. No way on God’s earth would I clean up after some bloke who has wet the bed in a drunken stupor. I wouldn’t even do this for my partner.

Has he always had a problem with alcohol?

You sound lovely and far too good for this man!

I was about to ask if he's the father of your DC but he must be as you said 'we have 3 kids' . I hope the one who wet the bed was suitably mortified at this and bought you a new mattress and bedding, if he doesn't give a shit he's not staying over again.

Why are u with such trash, is that what u want kids to be exposed to

@ZippyBlueViper
to say you cleaned this disgusting mess up simply because you knew your H would have never done it, is really bad
why on earth are you responsible?
Sorry to say but this man doesn’t seem to respect or care for you.

This was my question too.

Your husband sounds like another one of those of men who wants a wife and kids but not to be a husband and father.

Not to be rude but at times I feel like a sad spinster but then stories like this snap me out of it.

He is acting like a single man.

Could not agree more.

So the replies on here have shocked me because i didn't think him going out and not doing housework was that bad.
It was just the turning up with people expecting me to be okay with them staying over which i thought was bad.
Don't get me wrong sometimes I'm shattered and would like him to help, but surely it's more common that men don't help? I can't imagine my oh ever cooking tea or washing up or hoovering. Maybe i am just being taken for a mug

40 year old father of three wanting a sleepover with his mates is a new one on me. If he did a modicum of parenting he might understand why this behaviour is putting your kids at risk. I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t dredge up enough respect for him to make it work.

It’s absolutely not normal. My OH has a very serious/stressfull job and works very long hours.
he does most of the ironing, cleans the bathroom and the downstairs toilet and cleans up after I’ve made tea. He also sticks a load in the wash if I don’t get to it first and will run the hoover round sometimes.
he also doesn’t go out every weekend, maybe once a month, probably not even that to be fair.
if his mate stayed over and kissed the bed then my husband would be cleaning it up, I wouldn’t even have to ask him.
this is not normal

You thought him refusing to do housework because he works wasn’t that bad

dear god no I think it is actually rare than men do nothing like yours does or refuses. Not doing 50/50 yes common but nothing no

yes you are being taken for a mug

Worse than that though he cares nothing about the comfort of your 14 year old at all

OP, if he wants a tradwife he needs to be a tradhusband. That means being the sole breadwinner. He’s not. So he should be doing his share. Yes, I’m afraid he’s very much taking the ever-loving piss here. He’s also a shit father.

Christ your standards are on the floor!

My DH does the majority of it all as my 'job' is the baby!

He should be helping with household chores, cooking, etc lazy fucker.
You need to raise your standards there not very high right now.

Your kids are at risk with strange men in the home that are so drunk they pee the bed. You have a teenage girl. This is extremely high risk for her. She told you she was uncomfortable for a reason.

Time to protect your kids that your husband is putting in danger. Separate. He leaves the home. He does an alcohol program and gets a year of sobriety under his belt before you even think about reconciliation.

Your DH can pay for a cleaner and use the money he spends on booze. Personally a man like him would not be the man for me. I really don't know how you put up with him.

This. And for God’s sake don’t have any more kids with him, OP.

What on earth makes you think it's more common men don't help in their household?

I do have a cleaner who comes once a week who does the deep clean and i just do the daily cleaning, like hoovering mopping wiping down surfaces laundry etc.
He's not sole earner but does earn a lot more than me. We both run our own businesses but his is a lot bigger than mine.
I do protect my children, hence why last night i said no one was staying over.
He's come home tonight by himself so I think my point has been made and understood.

Dear God, I’m speechless. What the hell are you putting up with? My DH is 58 and does most of our cooking. He can clean and do laundry although I do most of that.

If his mate peed in the bed that would be the last time he ever stayed and DH would have ordered a new mattress. He would have washed the bedding. I would accept nothing less.