Page 4 | Drunk mates staying over

ZippyBlueViper · 2025-12-06T08:56:11+00:00

Last night oh turned up at 1am with 2 other men all really drunk. One of them i know a little bit and the other i had never met before. We have 3 kids, 14, 5 and 5 month old. Oh said they're staying over. I said no they're not. The one that i know a little bit stayed over after a night out last week and eldest dd said she felt uncomfortable when she came down to breakfast and there was just a random man there. The week before that another of his mates stayed over who i do know really well and kids know him but he was that drunk he wet the bed and was all left for me to clean up. I put my foot down last night and said they absolutely were not staying over. I don't feel comfortable with it and it's not a doss house where every drunk idiot can use it as a hotel. Oh thinks I'm being ridiculous and unfair. I think I'm just protecting myself and the kids?

Original poster

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 09:21

Yes farming background. I'm struggling to see a way out of this to be honest. I'm also worried about sharing the kids as they're my life and i can't imagine weekends without them and he has said before when I've mentioned about us separating as he doesn't seem happy either that he would take me for 50/50 of the kids time.
I feel like I've really failed at life.

OP posts:

jeaux90 · 21/12/2025 09:32

if you can prove you have significant investments in the house you might be ok. Please seek solicitor advise. He won’t have the DC 50/50 he is just threatening it. He sounds way too self absorbed and lazy to want to.

5128gap · 21/12/2025 09:50

To borrow from Tracey Chapman, it apoears your partner 'thinks more of his mates than he does of his kids'.
I'd leave him.

Original poster

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 14:30

Today he's adamant im totally in the wrong and has said that if he's not allowed his drunken mates to stay over because i say it's safeguarding and makes me and kids feel uncomfortable then eldest dd isn't allowed anymore friends to sleep over either.
I've pointed out the kids having friends to sleep is totally different to him rocking up at midnight with drunk adult men that we either don't know or hardly know.
Hes arguing it's no different end of story no friends staying over for dd. Dd very upset.
I'm tired, ill, worn down, and really stressed to be honest

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 21/12/2025 14:35

So i cleaned the bedding because Oh would never have done it. He does zero house work, says because he works he will not do it. Can't be bothered arguing about it so i just do it. (I work as well but that's a whole other argument)

Why are you with this dickhead?

KookyPinkHare · 21/12/2025 14:37

Of course it's different, FFS. And he knows that.

RedToothBrush · 21/12/2025 14:38

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 14:30

Today he's adamant im totally in the wrong and has said that if he's not allowed his drunken mates to stay over because i say it's safeguarding and makes me and kids feel uncomfortable then eldest dd isn't allowed anymore friends to sleep over either.
I've pointed out the kids having friends to sleep is totally different to him rocking up at midnight with drunk adult men that we either don't know or hardly know.
Hes arguing it's no different end of story no friends staying over for dd. Dd very upset.
I'm tired, ill, worn down, and really stressed to be honest

Because he's emotionally abusive. And happy to emotionally abuse you by using your daughter.

You need to sort your shit out. Your daughter will not forgive you.

pinkyredrose · 21/12/2025 14:39

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 00:22

House is owned, in his name, but I've put over a 100k into it in the last 12 months renovating it but don't know how i would prove that.
I applied for business bank card last week and when it came i said to him I'm going to use this for my business and move payments into here now. He simply laughed and said you're not, my accountant deals with everything we don't need that card.
I said yes but i would like the security of knowing I'm in charge of my own businesses finances. He laughed again and said you don't need to be. That's not happening.
We also have a rental property, again solely in his name but the rental income goes into my bank account.
I've spoken to him about adding my name to rental property and he says no because we're going to sell it soon. (He's defo not going to sell it)
I don't really know what to do.
I feel like his behaviour towards me and the kids has got worse and worse the last few years but I've kind of just got accustomed too it but since latest dd I feel like I've just woken up to the fact that he's not a nice person at all.
Ironically he begged and begged for latest dd and promised me everything. But has yet to hold her for more than 5 minutes or change her nappy etc. Has zero interest in her and she's nearly 6 months old.

You've been very foolish, he's played you like a fiddle.

You need professional advice.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/12/2025 15:11

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 14:30

Today he's adamant im totally in the wrong and has said that if he's not allowed his drunken mates to stay over because i say it's safeguarding and makes me and kids feel uncomfortable then eldest dd isn't allowed anymore friends to sleep over either.
I've pointed out the kids having friends to sleep is totally different to him rocking up at midnight with drunk adult men that we either don't know or hardly know.
Hes arguing it's no different end of story no friends staying over for dd. Dd very upset.
I'm tired, ill, worn down, and really stressed to be honest

Please contact a domestic abuse charity such as Women's Aid or Rights of Women. He is abusing you financially and emotionally and he is putting his own children at risk by invited drunk men that you don't know to sleep in your house.

Stop cooking and cleaning for him and doing his laundry. He wants to behave like a single man with no responsibilities he can fend for himself.

Livpool · 21/12/2025 17:09

WTAF is wrong with him?! He sounds like some teenage doss head. I rarely say this but 💯% LTB

rainbowstardrops · 21/12/2025 17:15

He’s got you exactly where he wants you.
Is the 15 year old his and how long have you been together?

Original poster

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 17:20

No eldest has a different dad. He left before she was born. I've been with him 12 years.

OP posts:

Izzywizzy85 · 21/12/2025 17:55

No advice op, he sounds fucking awful. Really shocked you thought his behaviour was typical of men tbh, I don’t know a single man irl who behaves this way. I’m afraid you’re in a really tricky position. Seek legal advice although I don’t know how much use it will be. I hope you can work something out and get into a better situation.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 21/12/2025 20:39

ZippyBlueViper · 20/12/2025 23:43

So i thought i had made it clear to him that it wasn't happening and he's been out since the conversation and not brought anyone back.
He's been out since 7am this morning and just turned back up at 11pm steaming drunk and i could hear him talking to someone. I come out the bedroom and sure enough his mate is stripped off to his boxers in our spare room also extremely drunk.
I said to his friend absolutely not get dressed you're going home. Oh then started saying to him no your not going home because you're not getting done drink driving because of her.
I calmly said call a taxi, call a friend, in fact how did you get here? They said uncles wife who lives 2 mins from us had given them a lift. I said great ring her and ask her to take you home or walk to theirs and sleep there they have a spare room and no kids.
Oh started arguing with me saying I'm ridiculous over the top there's nothing wrong with etc. I said either he leaves or me and the kids do.
Bearing in mind me and 2 out of 3 of the kids have got norovirus and have been really ill since Thursday!
He said to his friend let's go downstairs play pool and ignore her.
I went threw to eldest dd room and she was still awake watching tv. I said to her his friend is here but I'm going to go drive him home will you watch the littles for me. She went into their room for me.
I went downstairs got my car keys and said to friend come on you're going home. He looked at Oh and i said you've no reason to say no. He's not drink driving, he's not getting turfed out I'll literally drive him home. Oh then started laughing and saying bye friends name, be a good boy and do as she tells you.
I got in the car and he directed me to his house. Around a 15 min drive. He was apologetic the whole way. I said don't care if i offend you or not. I will not have people staying over when I've got kids.
When i came back Oh has had a massive go at me saying I'm pathetic, deranged for thinking his friend might have bad intentions etc etc. I've explained calmly im not accusing anyone of anything but what I'm not prepared to do is have myself or any of my kids made to feel uncomfortable or put at risk in my own home.
He then laughed in my face and walked off.

Edited

Jesus, you did well OP. Be careful when they're drunk all the same. You have thought them something. They will learn from this for again. What you did (although possibly risky) could have very well brought about change for the future. Good for you! Id say let everything be for now and let him mull it over and see if it happens again. One issue at a time

RedToothBrush · 22/12/2025 08:49

ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2025 17:20

No eldest has a different dad. He left before she was born. I've been with him 12 years.

You do understand just how at risk for abuse she is in this situation don't you?

The fact she's saying she's uncomfortable is actually troubling.

NotSmallButFunSize · 22/12/2025 08:55

I mean, I can't imagine having had more than 1 baby with this man - surely he has been useless since the first one?

He's having a great time isn't he! Whilst you skivvy for him and look after his trophy children. Might as well be single tbh, least then you don't also have his drunken arse and pissy mates to deal with!

PigeonsandSquirrels · 22/12/2025 09:28

Christ almighty OP… you’ve let him take complete control of every asset and portion of earnings you have any part of and put £100k into a property with it your name on it?

I don’t mean to be rude but are you stupid? Why did you ever consider that to be reasonable? You need to take some serious control back… doesn’t matter if he says his accountant will sort things you need to move your business finances to your accounts, and you need to get a car in your name. You need to get evidence of payments made for properties etc and stash it away somewhere.

Get your kids locks for their bedroom doors. Clearly your husband doesn’t give a shit about your daughter… he’s basically punishing you through her.