over a bloody booster seat 🥵

[StarDolphins]

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

She’d combust if I suggested this, then go no contact with me immediately🤣

I had this last year - at the time my daughter was 7. Not one other child in the car had a booster. I gave her two choices for the motorway journey - take the seat or get in my car.
it’s not about being pulled by the police it’s knowing you have done all you can to keep your child safe. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if they crashed and she was seriously hurt through not having a seat.
your in a tough position OP as get at 9 they can be ruthless.

No the daughter of my friend isn’t too bad, they fall
out but are generally ok. It’s 2 of the others that are much older than their 10 years.

She knew we weren’t doing anything as I have a friend coming today so I couldn’t have taken her out.

@dontbeataboutthebush that would have put me off trusting that parent’s driving skills to be honest, letting 7yo in car without car seat

You should really use a HBB until 150cm. 135 is just the legal limit. Cigarettes are also legal, I wouldn't let my kid smoke those either so.
Stay strong. It's a long journey and driving standards these days are awful. I would be the seat or you don't go kinda mum. It's our job to protect them, not to cave to peer pressure.

@StarDolphins you said they have booster seat for 4yo, hope you mean high backed one

Have you ever spoke to your friend about this?

do they bully your friends daughter or just your daughter?

Yes, sorry that looks to be a proper seat!

Poor girl. YABU

Sounds like you went against your better judgement @StarDolphins which is a shame…. Please have more confidence in your own parenting and your own decisions and red lines. If car safety is a red line for you then that’s it. Just back yourself and enforce it. It was for me and I enforced it not only for my own kids but their mates as well when I was driving them. I didn’t give a shit at all, no matter what kids or parents said, and I think once people realise you can’t be moved on something then they don’t bother with any teasing. Conversely I didn’t care about TV shows and my then 9 year old watched stranger things etc but that wasn’t a red line for me.

Not sure what all the “your poor daughter, she’s being humiliated” posts are about. Your daughter is clearly very loved and cared for with a great mum. They are just MN goblins, best ignored. Be strong and it will create strength for your daughter too.
Hope she has a great time at the party.

I have spoken to my friend yes and she said some of them are mean to her daughter too but not as much as they are to mine! She just seems to see it as falling out!

My Daughter stood up to one of them and said ‘I deserve better so I’m going to play with Isla’ but she got told off for it so I ended up emailing about that and asking to see the teacher. I told the teacher some of the issues and the girls said they didn’t say these things so case closed. The ideal solution is for her to build new, healthy friendships but she’s finding it hard to slot into already established groups.

She has a big set of friends in a nearby village (kids of my friends) and this helps and I have play dates with some other girls in the other Y5 class but she keeps going back to these ones😭

You’re right and I have gone against what I wanted to do. I woke up convinced and confident that I was sticking to this. What a morning! Now I can’t rest until she’s home. But yes, you’re absolutely right.

@StarDolphins does she do hobbies/activities outside school away from this group of girls

This sounds like it came straight from reddit. I hope no mother would be so bonkers.

Keep sticking up for her at school too.

@Mapletree1985 in what way bonkers?

She only does private piano lessons. I do take 2 other girls out quite often that are in her year but not her class and she gets invited round to their house and they’re both lovely girls. She also has a group of wonderful kids that we go camping with 6 times per year that are from the next village and she loves these kids. They’re all
kids of my friends.

Sorry I don’t get this?

Late to this one but I'm with you OP - I'd be very concerned about not having the appropriate safety measures in place. That said, I believe that the necessity of booster seats is also calculated on weight, and that had some bearing on when we stopped using ours.
Prior to that, if we were going anywhere, or DC was, it was non-negotiable. No booster seat, no journey. We also insisted on the same with regard to any other children in the car.
I'd rather be unpopular for 'being square' than be responsible for someone's injury (Or worse).

Article from Which on the ineffectiveness of backless boosters

Should a child be in a backless booster seat?

Our car seat experts believe backless cushions are not the best way to transport children and we recommend using a high-back booster seat whenever possible.
In our rigorous crash tests, backless booster seats haven’t proved to be nearly as safe as high-back booster seats with a full-length back and wings, which provide extra protection for your child's head and chest in a side-impact crash.
Booster cushions raise the child’s position, but some struggle to keep the shoulder strap of a three-point adult seatbelt in the right place on a child, and provide virtually no protection from a side-on collision.
Some manufacturers of backless boosters argue that many modern cars have side airbags or other safety features, which should help to protect the occupants.
But our child car seat experts disagree, as not every car has added safety features. There’s also a risk that a young child sitting on a booster cushion could easily wriggle out of position – we’ve seen this happen in our fitting tests. What’s more, a young child might not be tall enough for their head to reach the side airbags.
We’ve tested a handful of multi-group seats that convert to a backless booster seat in Group 3 mode, and have given them our Don't Buy warning because of their poor crash-test results, especially for side-impact crashes. A good result in any other part of our crash tests can't compensate for this.
Booster seats are temptingly priced – some start from as little as £10 – and there’s no doubt they’re convenient. But while using any seat is better than using none, booster seats offer very little protection in a crash, particularly if the vehicle is hit from the side.

My nearly 8 year old started to kick off massively over booster seats! He found them uncomfortable and every trip was a nightmare with him going on about it. Luckily he’s 133cm now so we allow short car trips without the seat. Most of the kids in his year have stopped using boosters as well.

Ffs schools are fucking ridiculous for this trying to enforce friendships and minimising bullying. Saw this a lot at DCs primary. What’s the high school set up going to look like? Will she be with the kids in the next village?

I’m really shocked at the replies you’re getting here OP.

My 9 year old daughter is 143cm so is tall and I still make her have a booster.

Without one the seatbelt cuts right into her neck and is definitely not in the right place

Unfortunately not, no. There are 2 high schools near us, ( 1 big, 1 small catholic one) and one of my friends is SL at the smaller one and we both loved the smaller at the open day so fingers crossed she will get in that one!

Why do people think the height is the height? If it was safe for 134cm then the rule would be 134cm, not 135.

The ignorance that the big issue here is the driver getting a fine/points. You all understand what booster seats are for, yes? We have multiple children die every year in the A&E I work in because they were not properly strapped in - and that includes the shoulder strap not fitting correctly.