over a bloody booster seat 🥵

[StarDolphins]

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

There are lots of women in the UK who don't even reach 4ft 11 (150cm) as full adult height. I'm sure that is why they settled on 135cm as law for boosters.

Can you imagine how nuts it would be to have 4ft 10 DC in a booster while 4ft 11 Mum isn't.

Sorry but I would have insisted she went with the booster seat or I would have driven her myself if she didn't want her friends to see. My daughter is the same age but significantly shorter so she would absolutely be going in a car seat. So far I have taken her to any parties where they have gone in a car because I do not believe other families would accommodate this (taller children for a lot of cases but also some with little regard for safety).
My son who is 11 also still uses a car seat, much to his disgust, and will be doing to until I say so. In a party situation then I would allow him to go without as a one off, but on a general day to day basis in our car he goes in a car seat.

The recommendations are for children with developing bones, not fully grown (albeit short) adults. And of course even if there were benefits to shorter adults using such additional safety measures it would be virtually impossible to enforce and arguably unreasonable to do so anyway. While on the other hand it’s perfectly reasonable to expect adults to take reasonable safety precautions on behalf of children in their care.

I’m trying so hard to teach her not to care, I explain about what friendships should be and we read a lovely friendship book together and she sees me have lovely relationships with my friends. But…she just wants to fit in and it’s a strong urge for her currently. I get it.

These girls are mostly a bunch of mean girls too but for now, she’s sticking with them.

You've already said no.

I don't even understand how this is an ongoing situation.

"DD. My decision is that if you are going, you are going with a booster seat. Your decision is whether that's acceptable and you go or not. But let me be clear, one more word on it and I'll decide that for you too: you won't be going."

The issue is, and this thread shows, the attitude of parents. My dtds were in boosters until mid year 6. They were short and I wanted to reduce the impact of any crash and feel confident I did all I could as a parent to keep dc safe (not prioritising being cool). But the reality is, parents endorse the behaviour and thought that boosters are babyish rather than say yeah, Jane is shorter than you so it makes the seatbelt fit.

I would have let them travel without one in this scenario but only because of the attitude in the uk. And I’d hate it. The car seat attitude demonstrated on this thread is really depressing. It’s all fine and good… until there’s a crash.

An adult of that height is unsafer than an average height adult using just a seatbelt, but she’s an adult, so she is allowed to risk her own safety. She rightly isn’t allowed to risk the safety of a child.

I'm amazed at how many are happy to ignore the law, and willing to put their kids safety at risk, because a 9yo might be embarrassed!!
I was a sahm, so often helped out taking friends kids to events during/after school - concerts, sports events etc. I remember even in Y6 (in 2014) going in to school to collect 4 kids for a sports thing, and picking up their 4 booster seats from reception. Personally I would not have driven someone else's hold without one if they were still required to use one - regardless of tantrums.

Isn't it to do with the weight of a child's head being heavier so they risk internal decapitation? Mine are older and we don't live in UK so I am a bit out of touch with this now.

I used to work for the emergency services and if you saw some of the shit I’ve seen, you wouldn’t be saying ‘For a one-off it’s fine’.

Those ‘one-offs’ are no less likely to result in an accident, perhaps even more so as they are often different/unusual circumstances that might naturally increase the risk of an accident (going a different/unfamiliar route, car noisier/heavier than usual/in a rush, etc). It makes us feel better to say we are only doing it this once, but that doesn’t have any material effect on the likelihood of that outing ending in an accident.

When you’ve had to speak to the parents of a child killed because they were in some shitty quality or unsuitable car seat in a crash that would have likely been survivable for them, it crystallises the mind somewhat and it’s something I don’t compromise on. Other stuff I’m far more lax about but I don’t mess around with car safety.

@StarDolphins
I think i'd let the driver make the decision. Driver she is just under the legal requirement. Do you want a booster cushion for her?

We have a booster cushion without a back for occassional use I also used it for my oldest when he was legally required to use a seat but age 11 he aged out it rather than grew out.

I know and this is what my gut was saying. I am quite lenient with her in lots of ways but car safety I usually don’t budge on. It’s just been a terrible morning and a lot of last night too and I didn’t want her to feel belittled by some of these girls. They already said in the week that she’ll look like a baby.

So off she’s gone, with no reason for them to mock her and I just have to hope she’s safe.

How embarrassing for her.

And this is definitely one of these ‘These are not your friends’ moments that I think we all go through at some point in life. It’s just kicking the can down the road. These are not nice friends, and that will come to a head sooner or later.

Difficult one, but i'd not be pushed around by a 9 year old.
Tell her that the law is the law and that the other parent will be fined if they are caught breaking it. Show her the government website do she knows you aren't making it up. Explain that laws like not drinking and driving keep everyone safe and one day she might have friends that break that law too, 😥, so it is important that she has the confidence to do the right thing and not break the law.

I can't stand the term "hysteria" on here though. It's a misogynistic and outdated term that was used to control women.

You are being absolutely ridiculous!!!!

If an accident happened, I don't think insurance would be valid if she wasn't travelling in the correct car seat...

I Have let her go without it so not embarrassing in the slightest🙄

Embarrassment is better dealt with than heartbreak.

@YorkshireGoldDrinker you are disputing a safety issue.

Didn’t have seat belts in the back of cars when I was a child, should I be mind blown that we have them now.

Wonder how many posters would cope if driving in other countries that have 150cm limit. Also at what point would you say OP’s DD would have had to use booster seat in a scenario where all other children were over 135cm. 2cm, 3cm, 4cm under the limit?

I am so dismayed by some of these responses and the attitudes being shown towards safety and also by how OP describes the other girls and parents at her school. My daughter is the same age and some of them need boosters, some don’t, depending on height. They wouldn’t be teased for needing them. If they have been telling her that she’s a baby because she’s slightly shorter then I would be speaking to the school. I’m sorry your daughter is in this friendship group OP.

It's one of those unfortunate things of being small, it also happens that you can't go on rides at places like Alton Towers too if you are small for age.

You don’t think? Perhaps you should go find out before making such wild claims.

IT'S THE LAW!! And for very good reasons too. You can't just ignore the law because it suits you or your brat of a child!

Totally agree with this. I have given and continue to give her the tools to hopefully realise this. Some of them are beyond awful for 9/10 years old.

DD2 had a booster for way longer than everyone else, it is not my fault she is short. She should eat more vegetables 😅

The worst thing is that our neighbour has heated seats in the BACK but obviously on a booster seat there was no benefit for her. She has never let me forget that.