over a bloody booster seat 🥵

[StarDolphins]

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

‘Other parents happy to break the law’ 🙄
you said yourself that all the girls are nearly at height/are at height. Do you see yourself as the alpha parent, OP?
There will be plenty of hills worth dying on but this isn’t it.

I am only strict about car safety rules, that’s it. Mainly because of if I don’t stick to what’s recommended and she’s in a RTA, I have to live with it.

All these comments saying oh it's just a cm etc, actually it also very much also comes down to how the seat belt fits!

160cm is the height of a lot of adult women?!

It does when the person pushing “safety” is being unreasonable, which is the entire point of this thread. 1cm won’t make any difference to safety but not using the seat will make a massive difference to the child.

Completely agree with this. You said you're not even sure she is actually 134cm and could be shorter. Not only is it illegal to let her travel without a booster it's also unsafe. In most of Europe boosters are used until 150cm with good reason. Mine are both over 135cm and large builds but use boosters. For short journeys I'm OK for them to go without but for a long journey in a car packed with screaming girls distracting the driver no way. Over the next 5 years there are going to be lots of times where she'll scream to be allowed to do something unsafe but you'll have to be the parent and put boundaries in place. Thid is something I wouldnt take advice from people on here for. Do what YOU think is right. A booster seat for a car journey is not going to lead to social death how utterly ridiculous. If she loses friends over it they weren't friends she needed anyway I would be telling her that.

You’ve not added up correctly there

What a fab bit of advice, I think I’m far too guilty of giving in to my kids when they’re melting down because I’m chowing battles. But will definitely take the discussion on before hand.

I would have insisted on the booster. Yes, embarrassing, no doubt. But that's life as a teenager isn't it? Do all those parents berating you for embarrassing her also buy their kids alcohol and cigarettes because they'd be embarrassed if their friends had them and they didn't? How about mobile phones, if they were embarrassed aged 10? Aged 5? What about cycling without a dorky helmet, without lights or reflectors... I mean, the list goes on. Parenting is surely about being the meany that rides out the embarrassment, for their safety.

OP I am sure that she will be fine because statistically, she won't be in a crash and all will be well. But you've set yourself up for a tricky few years now where she knows that if she tantrums enough, you'll give in even when you know it is unsafe.

Perhaps that is the conversation to have with her - how can you both communicate in a way that is respectful and open, but where you are able to be her parent until she is old enough to make daft decisions all by herself.

I don’t really understand what you mean? Do you think there shouldn’t be a height limit at all? Because if there is a height limit, obviously it will have a firm cut off - there’s no other way to do it.

I think I would go easy on her for the sobbing and shouting too, she is only 9 and not yet able to deal with conflict in an adult manner, let’s face it many adults can’t either. She was upset and worried about being picked on which was entirely reasonable of her. If she asked not to use it and you rejected the request I can see how she would easily get wound up and struggle to regulate whilst trying to convince you it would be better for her not to use it. She needed you to listen and you just reiterated your point which is hard for kids to navigate when it’s something that’s worrying them.

What weight is she ? I'm in Ireland here it is 150cm OR 36kgs
My kids used to try stuff in pockets trying to prove they above weight
Sounds like even if you sent the booster she wouldn't use it

Quite a few countries (Ireland, Germany, Italy) stipulate 150cm or 36kg. So it isn’t 150cm, but that OR 36kg. Which is a safety recommendation but also law. I wouldn’t have thought a child of around 135cm is particularly safe with just an adult seat belt.

This is an ongoing battle for us and other parents of kids the same size as my DD in her class don’t make them have boosters. I didn’t say I was specifically talking about the kids she’s with today.

@YorkshireGoldDrinker if basing you on my age of 36. you probably never had a booster because safety laws were abysmal! You can't go on 'survivor bias' there is now obviously much more research on how to keep children safe now!

Let her go without the booster - she’s 9 ffs. This isn’t a hill to die on. At 9 my DCs were in and out of their friends’ parents cars without a thought.
I know the law has changed but come on now!

It's really important to teach your daughter to care what other people think. It's your child your rules

Well it’s 150cm. But yes, that’s the law in a lot of places. I don’t know whether they are sensible and the UK is reckless, or whether the UK is sensible and they are all overreacting worriers.

My first line was sarcastic.

Just put her in the booster seat. If her friends mock her for it, she can explain later that it's because she's 1cm too short to not legally be able to sit in a car without a booster seat. She'll be called '1cm <insert her name here>' until she heads off to university.

150cm or 36kg

Oh sorry maths isn’t mathing today! But i am shocked and seriously considering whether there should be a way to position seatbelts so they are safer for us adult shorties!

This is my thinking. If god forbid something did happen, I would regret feeling pressured into that decision for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t take the opinions of most people on MN when it comes to car seat safety. Knowledge and standards are woeful here.

Bubblebum is much less intrusive than full booster and a good compromise.

Why am I humiliating her? I explicitly said I totally understand how she’s feeling and I don’t want her to feel taken the piss out of. However, I also saw my side and that it’s beer to be safe than sorry!

Also, how is my primary focus how she spoke to me? It’s not, read my title and thread and it’s about the car seat.

Yes sorry. Mine are younger so I don’t know which one of those is likely to come first for a child. Do most children reach 36kg before 150cm?

ETA - I think the 36kg is in Ireland but not in all countries that have 150cm as the limit. In Germany it’s just the height.