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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with husband

81 replies

Gondola360 · 05/12/2025 02:59

Husband went on works night out at 2pm. He last messaged me at 5pm. His phone ran out of battery around 9pm. Heard nothing from him until he strolled in just now at 2:30..
we’ve got two little kids and he knew I’d driven them 2 hours away and back this evening for a Xmas event. Is it not bad that he had no idea we were ok and just waltzed in at 2am? Or am I being a cow?

OP posts:
HitchensGeck · 05/12/2025 03:04

Of course you’re being unreasonable.

He was on his works Xmas do, had a few too many and his phone battery died. That is frustrating in this day and age but he came home to his family.

There’s no harm done really, are you going to divorce him over it? Of course not so why spend any of your time being “fuming” about something that you’re only going to forgive and forget about very soon.

tilypu · 05/12/2025 03:09

Do you worry that he's ok when he's not with you?

If not, why do you expect him to be doing that about you?

2am seems a reasonable time to be coming in after a night out. The phone dying is unfortunate, but most phone batteries would struggle to last that long.

Sorry but I think yabu

PollyBell · 05/12/2025 03:10

He was out for an evening out the world does not stop when a man or woman goes out for the evening

No87 · 05/12/2025 03:21

YABU. Why wouldn't you be ok? Presuming this is a one off, it's a Xmas party, people have fun and stay out. 2am really isn't that bad (I stayed out till 2 on the weekend, my DH said I hope you had fun!)

Tourmalines · 05/12/2025 03:28

He went out , you went out . His phone died. What was he supposed to do .

CheeseIsMyIdol · 05/12/2025 03:32

Are you seriously not capable of going a few hours without contact?

idontwanttomissathing · 05/12/2025 03:57

Don’t be ridiculous and controlling. Not a good look!

CherrieTomaties · 05/12/2025 04:08

we’ve got two little kids and he knew I’d driven them 2 hours away and back this evening for a Xmas event

How is this relevant to him being on his works Christmas do? Why is this a big deal? Presuming you and the kids are absolutely fine ….?

You’re sounding incredibly insecure over a non-issue.

OneShoeShort · 05/12/2025 04:09

Unless he had committed to helping with the DC or your outing in some way, YABU.

He trusted your DC were safe with their very capable mother - no need to check up on you while he's on a planned night out.

Snorlaxo · 05/12/2025 04:11

You left out why you wouldn’t be ok driving somewhere 2 hours away and back… People do that all the time and if there’s a reason why you might not be ok then presumably you wouldn’t have booked it as it’s a leisure visit rather than something serious like a hospital visit.

2:30am sounds fine unless he is working today or noisy coming in which is very annoying.

TheChosenTwo · 05/12/2025 04:27

Yes you’re being a cow.
i really can’t see what’s wrong with this, went out to Christmas do, phone died, he came home late.
Are you a bit jealous of his night out?

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 05/12/2025 04:33

Did he waltz back in or stroll back? Or both?

Pippa12 · 05/12/2025 04:37

I can see why you might of worried about his whereabouts if he is normally in contact with you. I normally hear from my husband a couple of times via messages on nights out. I would be concerned about his welfare if his phone went to voicemail and he was later than usual home, assuming he’d not told you his battery was dying.

I wouldn’t fall out tho, I’d just be relieved when he got home safe and sound.

I’m not sure what you mean about driving to an event and not knowing if you were ok? Is there a problem with your car?

Northerngirl821 · 05/12/2025 04:41

YANBU to worry about him.

YABU to say he should have checked you were ok because you had taken the kids out by yourself, what is that about?!

Tourmalines · 05/12/2025 04:52

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 05/12/2025 04:33

Did he waltz back in or stroll back? Or both?

Well at least he didn’t crawl in .

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 05/12/2025 05:12

People are very precious.

I can't imagine getting worked up about this ever!

I kind of expect a text when DH is abroad with work, but if he's in London on a night out? No!!!!

winterwarmer8274 · 05/12/2025 05:19

You are being ridiculous

luckylavender · 05/12/2025 05:28

What is it with the pathetic women on here? It’s not that long ago we didn’t have mobile phones to check we were breathing every 5 minutes.

Zanatdy · 05/12/2025 05:39

He was on a night out, sitting there texting you constantly is rude. Plus as you say, he had no battery. My ex always used to get in a mood with me when I went out, it really did ruin it for me. Why can’t some partners last one evening without a stream of messages expected checking in on everything. Let him have one night out without getting angry at him. It’s not good behaviour in a relationship imo.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 05:42

Another massive overreaction.

Why can’t he have a night out? Why do you need to be checked up on for driving 2 hours? People do that all the time.

EveningSpread · 05/12/2025 05:50

Do you feel a lack of care and consideration more generally in the relationship? I ask because I think if you were generally content this lone incident wouldn’t be a big issue.

If it’s not part of a bigger pattern of inconsiderate behaviour YABU.

CypressGrove · 05/12/2025 05:52

I'm impressed he waltzed in. I stumbled in after my works Xmas do ! And hadn't texted DH all night - but he knows what to expect on these nights.

GreyCarpet · 05/12/2025 05:58

Of course you're being unreasonable. Completely ridiculous in fact.

Most people manage to take their children out without someone checking that they got home ok.

is there a reason why you're concerned that he didn't? Are you vulnerable in some way? An incompetent parent? A crap driver? Just incapable of being out in the world alone because you're a woman? Presumably, he didn't feel the need to be checking up on you and just trusts you.

And which was it 'strolling in' or 'waltzing in'? And how is that different to just 'getting home' or 'walking in'? Because I'm going on my works night out tonight. I'll probably message my partner once to let him know I'm there because he won't be home when i go out. I probably won't message him.to say I'm coming home because he'll just go to bed if I'm late. But maybe I need to consider how I enter the house so as not to upset him too.

Or is it just that you expect that you and the childen should be at the forefront of his mind at all times?

Ffififofum · 05/12/2025 06:07

YABU
You drive him to his works Xmas night out so you knew how it was going to be.

2:30 am for that sort of do is very reasonable. I’ve stayed out til 5 and wasn’t an issue, even when we had young kids.

101trees · 05/12/2025 06:08

Actually I kind of do know what you mean about checking in after driving kids somewhere, but only because I've just realised my husband does always text me to say - drive all go OK, were the kids OK.

I've never really thought about him doing this before.There's no reason for him to, I'm fine taking the kids away. But I've just realised what a nice thing it is that he checks in with us. It's basically just enquiring if I've had a stressful time.

I wouldn't be annoyed if he didn't, to be honest I'm not sure I'd notice.

I think if he's nice enough to usually show you that consideration, maybe try and reframe it in your head as feeling good about him usually doing it. He doesn't sound like he's an inconsiderate drunken lout or anything generally.

I also think it's OK to have generally high expectations of things your partner does normally too though,, because you're both usually very connected and considerate of each other. That doesn't make you a controlling psychopath. Just maybe don't get annoyed if they don't happen every time.

My husband checks in if he's sat at work or home and we've gone somewhere, but not if he's on a night out. Thanks for making me realise what a nice thing that is for him to do.

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