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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with husband

81 replies

Gondola360 · 05/12/2025 02:59

Husband went on works night out at 2pm. He last messaged me at 5pm. His phone ran out of battery around 9pm. Heard nothing from him until he strolled in just now at 2:30..
we’ve got two little kids and he knew I’d driven them 2 hours away and back this evening for a Xmas event. Is it not bad that he had no idea we were ok and just waltzed in at 2am? Or am I being a cow?

OP posts:
BrokenWorldRecord · 05/12/2025 06:10

Why wouldn’t you be ok? Is one of you terminally ill?

It may come as a surprise to you, but there was a time when no one had a mobile phone on them at all times. And we went on nights out with no contact possible with people at home. Yes, we actually survived nights out without being in constant contact with others. Fancy that!

Outwiththenorm · 05/12/2025 06:14

If roles were reversed, would your husband be pissed off with you for not responding? My ex was totally hypocritical for this sort of thing - boyz night meant radio silence from him but god forbid I didn’t give regular updates on my safety if I was out.

Saying that, I would know I was being a bit unreasonable, but I would also be cross with my DH if he hadn’t contacted me for hours or checked I’d made a 4 hour drive safely.

HalfWayAroundTheLoop · 05/12/2025 06:21

luckylavender · 05/12/2025 05:28

What is it with the pathetic women on here? It’s not that long ago we didn’t have mobile phones to check we were breathing every 5 minutes.

This. So needy

Cerezo · 05/12/2025 06:37

It’s just to do with expectations.

If OP and her other half usually text each other every hour and don’t come home late then doing the opposite would be annoying. Her expectations haven’t been managed and she is aggrieved. it’s not unreasonable to feel angry, just how it is approached can be reasonable or unreasonable.

Everyone piling in calling her a cow and pathetic need to chill their beans.

SusiQ18472638 · 05/12/2025 06:46

This seems fine to me for a work Christmas do, YABU.

firstofallimadelight · 05/12/2025 06:52

I honestly wouldn’t expect dh to be in touch on a night out, he’s having a night off!! And assuming it’s not a weekly occurrence 2 am is fine. Doesn’t your dh get to enjoy himself?

Reasonablepersontriedtohelpme · 05/12/2025 06:56

Buy him a power bank for Christmas

snoopythebeagle · 05/12/2025 06:58

You’re both grown adults who are capable of going for a drive and on a night out without someone checking in on you 🙈

RightSheSaid · 05/12/2025 07:01

As a one off its fine. If its a regular thing its a different kettle of fish.

I would have appreciated message saying he is having a good night, his phone is dying and don't wait up. That would have been good manners but I wouldn't be fuming about it.

Ponoka7 · 05/12/2025 07:02

This is how healthy relationships work. You were both off doing your own things. A night out and a drive with the children, don't need checking in on.

Mt563 · 05/12/2025 07:03

luckylavender · 05/12/2025 05:28

What is it with the pathetic women on here? It’s not that long ago we didn’t have mobile phones to check we were breathing every 5 minutes.

This. It's nice to be able to check in but there's no need to worry or be cross if not.

Left · 05/12/2025 07:04

Is this normal behaviour from him, or a one off?

RosesAndHellebores · 05/12/2025 07:05

If DH had said to me he would be home at 10pm and time ticked on to 2.30am with no message, I'd be understandably worried because that's not who he is and he'd have made sure his phone was fully charged at 2pm.

However, if DH thought I was so incompetent I wasn't capable of taking the dc to an event two hours away and getting them home safely, without checking up on me, I'd be incandescent.

Nevernonono · 05/12/2025 07:05

What has your drinking two hours to and from an event have to do with anything? I mean what’s he supposed to do about that whilst he’s on his Christmas party? Surely if you were tired you’d just go to bed? Do you have to have him home before you go to bed?

And he “waltzed in”, such dramatic wording.

He came home to his own home after his Christmas party 🤷‍♀️!

You sound hard work OP.

Nevernonono · 05/12/2025 07:05

Nevernonono · 05/12/2025 07:05

What has your drinking two hours to and from an event have to do with anything? I mean what’s he supposed to do about that whilst he’s on his Christmas party? Surely if you were tired you’d just go to bed? Do you have to have him home before you go to bed?

And he “waltzed in”, such dramatic wording.

He came home to his own home after his Christmas party 🤷‍♀️!

You sound hard work OP.

*your driving

PersephoneParlormaid · 05/12/2025 07:05

What do you think happened before we had mobile phones? Person went out, person came back, end of.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/12/2025 07:06

I would be worried, OP, not the least because our last train home is much earlier and a taxi home would be about £200. We would normally be home by midnight at the latest. Not the least on a Thursday night, because we would have work the next day! I would assume his phone had died, but normally we always text one another before that happens. Even my 16 year old daughter is capable of doing that, borrowing a charger or someone else's phone to let us know. I can count on one hand in my entire working life of 35 years when I've up until the small hours with colleagues. I've usually had quite enough of them well before then even when we get on well.

HelenaWaiting · 05/12/2025 07:12

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 05/12/2025 04:33

Did he waltz back in or stroll back? Or both?

I'm betting he sashayed. Or moseyed.

Original poster
Gondola360 · 05/12/2025 07:20

Thanks for all the replies. I understand the consensus - and I did suspect I was being unfair.
our youngest has been in hospital many times since being v ill as a newborn (he’s ok now though) so maybe in my head I think well I couldn’t go for hours not knowing for sure that they weren’t at a&e for something if I was on a night out. Although that’s definitely irrational.
Lesson learned!

OP posts:
Upsetbetty · 05/12/2025 07:23

YABVU I cat seen the problem here at all @Gondola360 he went out, did you want him to sit and worry about you all going to a party. Did you text him to say you were back?

Upsetbetty · 05/12/2025 07:24

Gondola360 · 05/12/2025 07:20

Thanks for all the replies. I understand the consensus - and I did suspect I was being unfair.
our youngest has been in hospital many times since being v ill as a newborn (he’s ok now though) so maybe in my head I think well I couldn’t go for hours not knowing for sure that they weren’t at a&e for something if I was on a night out. Although that’s definitely irrational.
Lesson learned!

Still doesn’t make sense…very irrational

Nevernonono · 05/12/2025 07:33

Gondola360 · 05/12/2025 07:20

Thanks for all the replies. I understand the consensus - and I did suspect I was being unfair.
our youngest has been in hospital many times since being v ill as a newborn (he’s ok now though) so maybe in my head I think well I couldn’t go for hours not knowing for sure that they weren’t at a&e for something if I was on a night out. Although that’s definitely irrational.
Lesson learned!

Well you need to address that, your son is better now, so start relaxing.

Maybe a few nights out yourself, when you don’t contact and just enjoy the night away?

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 07:53

Off the point, but why choose to drive four hours for a Christmas event? Seems a bit bonkers.

Oohchristmastree · 05/12/2025 07:53

This is going to sound contradictory but I’d say YABU, but I also know I’d feel the exact same (and that I’d be being unreasonable!).

I’ve been trying to do some soul searching on this kind of thing recently and realised that some of my annoyance on this stuff comes from the fact my DH is wonderful and considerate most of the time. So my expectations are high. That means if he disappears out at 2pm and doesn’t check in and comes home at 2am, I’d also feel like crap, because I’d feel forgotten vs how he usually treats us as a family. Much more so than if he was someone who usually didn’t show much consideration.

That being said, because he’s so great the rest of the time, I’m learning to let this stuff go. Not sure if that’s helpful but it helps me!

Owly11 · 05/12/2025 07:56

What? What is the problem exactly? Is waltzing banned in your house or something?