To be fuming with husband

[Gondola360]

Husband went on works night out at 2pm. He last messaged me at 5pm. His phone ran out of battery around 9pm. Heard nothing from him until he strolled in just now at 2:30..
we’ve got two little kids and he knew I’d driven them 2 hours away and back this evening for a Xmas event. Is it not bad that he had no idea we were ok and just waltzed in at 2am? Or am I being a cow?

My ex always messages me if i’m travelling with the kids somewhere and to he honest I would if he was. But many men wouldn’t even consider it.

It wouldn't occur to me that he would phone to check you were OK, or phone at all from work except for an emergency.

How little are the children? I'm not sure I'd have wanted to do all that driving for a "Christmas event", if they are that small. You presumably chose to go to whatever it was. I doubt your husband gave it much thought, frankly.

PS: You're not being a cow, just silly. It's all over now.

A bit annoyed maybe but not fuming

While you’re being unreasonable I can understand exactly how you felt.

Its a bit shitty to not be in touch over 12 hours of drinking when you have young kids

Except that’s not what happened….

He messaged at 5.

I don’t understand why an hours drive each way would be of such a concern that it required him to check in

The setup we have is we don’t check in but get in touch if there’s anything wrong

Can women on MN not cope without being in contact with a man just becausethey have kids.
Some can't cope one night without a man if they kids.

He went out to a work do, phone died got pissed, came home late.

I've read your opening post about 4 times and I genuinely don't see what there is to be fuming about.

I was on my work do last night, came in at 12.30, didn't text my husband once. Or, even worse, didn't bring him back chips.

I'd have been carried in.
Was piggy backed home once what a night to remember, if I could remember 😆.

Got to and can still act a fool even if you do have kids.

To be honest the fact that you’ve had a difficult time with kids health issues means I’d be more likely to be saying to him to go out and have a good night ; you were there incase kids needed anything etc

Maybe you need to do the same and get yourself out for a bit of a blowout with friends - it’ll do you the world of good

I'm somewhat envious that the OP's DH only 'waltzes' in after a night out.

My DH enters our bedroom like a troupe of medieval tumblers after a night out.

Ah I was waiting for a dripfeed..

Yeah I don’t really know why I felt like that. I think I’m really struggling with the mental load of everything at the moment so it’s created some resentment which I know is wrong. I just feel like he wanders around without a care in the world and I’ve got hundreds of things that I need to sort otherwise they won’t get done.

Go out yourself and have fun……life is for living (especially at Christmas 😉)

Stop doing anything for him at all.
If you are carrying the load, cross him and anything to do with him off.
Food, laundry, cooking, gifts etc.
Slash it back.
Bare minimum.

And very graciously accepted, which is unusual on Mumsnet.

I think YABU OP, sorry. Maybe a little irresponsible of him not to have made sure his phone was charged but if I go on a day/night out, I come home when I'm ready/the night is over and DH does the same. We do not have a running commentary of what's happening or checking in on each other, obviously unless something major happens we'll see and speak to each other when we get home or the next morning.

I do actually also 100% get this though!

These responses are fair too sensible.

Where are all the accusations that his phone was off because he was shagging Deborah from Accounts?

Oy Mumsnet can be full of cunts sometimes.

You know you were being irrational OP, but honestly when it comes to our kids who hasn't been irrational sometimes? Especially as you had a sick little one in their early years, that can screw with you and put you in fight or flight at all times (and then you wonder with bafflement why your significant other isn't also constantly worrying about the well-being of your little ones).

It's ok. You had a daft moment. You're not weak or pathetic as some of the horrible, nasty individuals on this thread are calling you, you're just human and you had a human moment - unfortunately we cannot all be as perfect and stoic at all times as a Mumsnetter!

If you've had a pop at your husband over it, apologise and explain why you felt that way. Use it to open a discussion around how overwhelmed you're feeling at the moment. It's not on that he's leaving you to carry everything, any wonder it's turned to resentment and irrational anger over something like this.

And get yourself out on the lash with your pals at some point over Christmas, so you can swan, waltz, stroll or shimmy in at piss take o'clock!

I wish all I had to worry about in life is trivial shit like this……

Bless you, I think we have all felt that way at some point, and as you state so much going on at the minute it's easy to feel overloaded. He had a good time and came home. Your turn next even if it's not out till 2am, important that you get to go out too.