Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was my birthday shit?

87 replies

FunnyFerret · 04/12/2025 23:46

DH and I usually celebrate my birthday a bit early because my actual birthday falls during a busy period for his work. We had a lovely weekend away to celebrate last weekend, but my birthday is actually today. I didn’t hear from him at all throughout the day then he arrived home late while I was wrangling the DC into bed. We got into a row because I told him I was pissed off that he wasn’t home earlier and I wasn’t in the mood to open presents after a long day of solo parenting.

I said he could have made the effort to come home on time today (it’s 1 fucking day!) and that I often feel like I come second to his work. He says I knew he was busy and that he’s made an effort with the weekend away and feels I am punishing him by refusing the gifts etc.

AIBU? I find myself getting upset most years on my birthday so I’m not sure if it’s just me having blubber or if my day has genuinely been shit.

OP posts:
Contycont · 04/12/2025 23:49

I think it was pre agreed that your birthday celebrations would have happened at that weekend. I think you need to accept that he is busy with work.

Take some deep breaths and open your presents.

texarkana · 04/12/2025 23:53

You had the entire prior weekend celebrating your birthday but you still got in a sulk as he was busy at work?
me, I’d shrug and say it was a disappointing day. I think you behaved poorly. Why do you get upset on your birthday? By the time you’re an adult, birthdays aren’t really all about you anymore. It’s nice to celebrate them but you need to accept everyone is getting on with their life around it. Once you realise this you will probably stop feeling disappointed on your birthday.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/12/2025 23:56

You said yourself that you make arrangements to celebrate on a different day. He is home, he has wished you a happy birthday and is there for the gift opening. What more do you want?

Eenameenadeeka · 05/12/2025 00:01

I think you're pretty lucky to get a weekend away to celebrate, and you know in advance that he will be busy at work.

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2025 00:08

I wasn’t in the mood to open presents after a long day of solo parenting

That’s just petulant. Would you have said the same after a long day at work, which is what most of us do on our birthdays?

Original poster
FunnyFerret · 05/12/2025 00:10

Sorry for the drip feed, but DH is always so busy with work, and today just felt like another day of his job taking priority. The weekend away was actually my idea and I arranged a sitter for DC, so I can’t help feeling that if I hadn’t suggested it, my birthday would have been… well, not much.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 05/12/2025 00:12

Yeah sorry you're being a brat.

You've had a whole weekend away to celebrate your birthday, you literally said it's a busy time of year for him so you tend to celebrate your birthday earlier so why is this a problem if it's something that you're aware of and accommodate every year, and yes you absolutely are punishing him by now sulking.

Sunshineandoranges · 05/12/2025 00:14

texarkana · 04/12/2025 23:53

You had the entire prior weekend celebrating your birthday but you still got in a sulk as he was busy at work?
me, I’d shrug and say it was a disappointing day. I think you behaved poorly. Why do you get upset on your birthday? By the time you’re an adult, birthdays aren’t really all about you anymore. It’s nice to celebrate them but you need to accept everyone is getting on with their life around it. Once you realise this you will probably stop feeling disappointed on your birthday.

Absolutely

Happyjoe · 05/12/2025 00:18

Ok, he couldn't come home early and you knew that he'd be busy but it literally takes 2 mins to send you a happy b'day text message. Not hearing from him all day would get on my nerves tbh because despite work, it would've shown he was thinking of you.

WallaceinAnderland · 05/12/2025 00:18

FunnyFerret · 05/12/2025 00:10

Sorry for the drip feed, but DH is always so busy with work, and today just felt like another day of his job taking priority. The weekend away was actually my idea and I arranged a sitter for DC, so I can’t help feeling that if I hadn’t suggested it, my birthday would have been… well, not much.

Ok but you blindsided him a bit today and then the evening was ruined.

If you want something in particular you do have to say. You can understand that he said he would be busy at work and now you're annoyed with him for being busy at work.

Happyjoe · 05/12/2025 00:18

Ps, sorry, Happy birthday !

Butterflywings84 · 05/12/2025 00:19

I would have felt the same I think. If it had been the case that he said he was going to be late back on your birthday but he’d organised a weekend away to make up for it then fair enough. But if you’ve planned your own weekend and he didnt didn’t do anything of his own accord I would have felt put out.

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 05/12/2025 00:19

Wow. You are choosing to ruin your own day.

Timebudda · 05/12/2025 00:24

Princess syndrome.

Happyjoe · 05/12/2025 00:25

Timebudda · 05/12/2025 00:24

Princess syndrome.

Ouch.
😕

No87 · 05/12/2025 00:27

As you said, you had a lovely weekend away to celebrate your birthday and you knew he was busy at work. YABU.

Tourmalines · 05/12/2025 00:30

Some poor blokes just can’t win .

FiveShelties · 05/12/2025 00:31

Refusing gifts is really childish.

Fdsew · 05/12/2025 00:35

So you organised your birthday completely, including the children and he got a weekend away.
What EXACTLY did he do for your birthday today?
Yanbu to be put out.
He couldn't come home early just one day, on your birthday?
Yes you are being taken for granted.
If you are a sahm to facilitate his big important job, you might want to rethink it, because it is thankless if your husband thinks he has zero responsibilities bar work.

Does he do any sole parenting?
If not its time he did.

TwistedWonder · 05/12/2025 00:36

You’ve chosen to ruin your own birthday.

Mine is on Boxing Day . No one ever available to celebrate as they’re all with family. So I have a couple of dates where I go out fur my substitute birthday. As long as you do something who cares if if it's on tte actual day

You had a lovely weekend with your DH. Don’t put a downer in it by acting like a brat

IndigoBluey · 05/12/2025 00:36

Do you work too? I’m only asking as you mention your DH job a lot but it comes across as if you don’t realise the pressures of work

XWKD · 05/12/2025 00:43

Grow up.

RecordBreakers · 05/12/2025 00:44

Agree with almost everyone.
YABU, childish and petulant.

Lots of people - maybe even most people - don't celebrate in a big way when their birthday falls on a working day. Most people (I'd have thought) do something on a day which is convenient for the birthday girl or boy and whoever they want to celebrate with.
Most people with little dc don't get to go away for the weekend for their birthday, particularly an 'ordinary' birthday (I'm confident you'd have mentioned it if it were your 40th).

I'm a person who likes to do something for my birthday, but it doesn't have to be on that specific day.

We also have people in our family with birthdays on days no-one wants to do things (NY Day, Christmas Eve, etc) so it is pretty normal to be able to pick the day you celebrate, which it seems you have already done.

BauhausOfEliott · 05/12/2025 00:45

You’re being a petulant child.

BauhausOfEliott · 05/12/2025 00:45

You’re being a petulant child.

Swipe left for the next trending thread