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AIBU?

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Original poster

FiL crawling round on work video call

306 replies

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:30

drunk leonardo dicaprio GIF

Am I being over-sensitive here?
I was on a video call this morning when my 73yo FIL came to get some things from the room. I realised, muted, said I was on a call and assumed he would wait until I said I was free. A minute later, I realise he has come inside and is crawling around trying not to be seen (he absolutely would have been seen). It was an external call, so not even colleagues I could laugh it off with). I'm absolutely livid.

For context, my study / home office is used as our guest room. This is not normally an issue. I had also warned him I was starting work and had to be on video calls 30 minutes earlier.

YABU - he is old, doesn't get tech, and no one said anything
YANBU - what sort of idiot does that?

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/12/2025 06:23

BrokenWorldRecord · 05/12/2025 06:00

You need a dedicated office instead of working in the guest room.

Oh yeah, just a minute, so easy to stick on another room in your house. DH and I both work from home two or three days a week. We have proper desks, chairs, IT facilties and storage but neither of us has a whole room each as a "dedicated office". Our rooms are multipurpose and it works fine. Sounds like the OP has far more of a dedicated space than we do!

Edinburghdaze · 05/12/2025 06:31

SconehengeRevenge · 04/12/2025 21:45

I feel you are a bad host.

Sorry

This ⬆️

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/12/2025 06:36

You could have perhaps passed it off by saying something like...

"Excuse my FIL, he's on these tablets which seem to make him act like an animal. I think today he is a dog. He was a snake the other day in Waitrose, slithering about the aisles. And you should have seen him yesterday - he was a howler monkey! We couldn't hear the television at all."

AuldWeegie · 05/12/2025 06:41

Would a carrel desk fix the problem in the future? And in the meantime you could perhaps sit with a wall behind you so you see the door and put up a please wait sign for when you’re making a call in case anyone comes in.

Datchydoo · 05/12/2025 06:46

Can you add a background to your teams/zoom settings? That way no one sees anything thats going on in your room?

Userxyd · 05/12/2025 06:48

What a loon! I’d be baffled, livid but find it hilarious in retrospect

Andromed1 · 05/12/2025 06:49

Perhaps I've missed something but FIL may need reminding each morning and given a suggestion of what he needs to take out for the next few hours. My DH is the same age and not as quick on the uptake as he was. Making allowances makes life much easier. I say several times s week please don't knock or come in when my door is closed.

DRose3 · 05/12/2025 06:50

Changename12 · 04/12/2025 22:48

Most families don’t have room to give someone a whole spare room for a week. It would be a major reorganisation for anyone to move out of their bedroom at home. A week is a long time: fish and guests go bad after 3 days as they say. As someone the same age as OPs FIL, I wouldn’t stay this long in anyone’s house. I would stay in a nearby hotel. It gives both the guest and the visitor a break from each other at each end of the day.

Show quote history

That’s true, but in this instance the OP does have a room, and it seems a laptop they can easily move into their own bedroom/another space. If it were a huge setup with multiple screens and heavy duty IT equipment, that is somewhat different & not ideal (as is the case for us).

if you invite a guest into your home, they should have their own private space ideally - to do whatever, even have space away from the hosts/downtime. A close family member should be treated as such - especially FIL, MIL, parents. You’re not only offering a bed.

In this instance it seems OP merely doesn’t want the inconvenience, and isn’t willing to adapt nor accommodate her guests.

Doggymummar · 05/12/2025 06:51

Virtual back ground and camera off. He would have been a few seconds

Owly11 · 05/12/2025 07:00

I have a sign on my office door. On one side it says 'welcome please knock' and on the other side it says 'do not disturb meeting in progress'. Everyone knows not to even knock if it is on do not disturb. If someone accidentally started to come in (they wouldn't because everyone always knocks and if i don't reply they go away again) i would excuse myself from the meeting saying 'someone has forgotten i am in a meeting please excuse me' turn the camera off get up and physically block the person from coming in. It is a clear and easy system. However given that you have a guest sleeping in your office i would probably also remind them just before a meeting - 'i have a meeting now do you need anything before i begin?'. I do agree that what he did was unacceptable but just take extra steps next time to block him.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/12/2025 07:01

BrokenWorldRecord · 05/12/2025 06:00

You need a dedicated office instead of working in the guest room.

OP has already explained the layout of her house and that a dedicated office plus a guest room isn't feasible. She has a dedicated office that is sometimes used as a guest room. The only solution is to stop inviting guests to stay if they can't obey simple instructions and keep out of OP's office for the duration of her call.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 07:14

Wolfpa · 04/12/2025 21:46

So you kick people out of their room each day when they stay over?

that doesn’t seem like a workable situation. Maybe when people stay over you can have a temporary office in your own room?

you could also pop a background on so no one sees what is going on.

Presumably there's nothing to stop guests going into the room to fetch stuff most of the time when OP is working, so it's reasonable to ask them to keep out during meetings. After all, they've got the rest of the house to do whatever they like in, within reason.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 07:15

Doggymummar · 05/12/2025 06:51

Virtual back ground and camera off. He would have been a few seconds

Edited

There are some meetings when you really can't turn the camera off.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 07:19

DRose3 · 05/12/2025 06:50

That’s true, but in this instance the OP does have a room, and it seems a laptop they can easily move into their own bedroom/another space. If it were a huge setup with multiple screens and heavy duty IT equipment, that is somewhat different & not ideal (as is the case for us).

if you invite a guest into your home, they should have their own private space ideally - to do whatever, even have space away from the hosts/downtime. A close family member should be treated as such - especially FIL, MIL, parents. You’re not only offering a bed.

In this instance it seems OP merely doesn’t want the inconvenience, and isn’t willing to adapt nor accommodate her guests.

Show quote history

Surely family guests know the setup and can make choices accordingly? I suspect most people can't afford a house big enough to have a dedicated guest room. If FIL wants to stay somewhere where he has unrestricted access to his room at all times, he can pay for a hotel or B&B.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 07:24

notallwhowanderare · 05/12/2025 04:28

You could also very easily position the camera so it only shows a wall behind you, not the door. Yes, this is something you could definitely do.

But the bottom line is that you didn't want to take your laptop into your bedroom for once to work from there, and want instead to massively inconvenience your guests. So don't invite anybody to stay.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh, come off it. How is it massively inconveniencing anyone to expect them to get anything they might want out of the room when you warn them you're going to be on video calls, or alternatively to ask them wait a short time till the end of one meeting?

Drivingmissrangey · 05/12/2025 07:37

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 21:40

I get that would be embarrassing but working out of the guest room when you have a guest staying with you doesn't make any sense. Poor FIL is shut out of "his" room when you're trying to WFH.

I don't see why you can't take your laptop into your own bedroom if you have to make a work call while he's with you.

This is ridiculous.

I hear you OP, I have the same set up. My PILs are welcome to get a hotel if they don’t like me working from “their room” during the day.

bittertwisted · 05/12/2025 07:49

My dss has his bedroom at our house, when he isn’t here it is also my office. When he is here I move everything out to the dining room or my bedroom so he always has his own space with us. It is easily done and I do it frequently, not for a week once in a while

janeandmarysmum · 05/12/2025 07:58

I don't think I've ever been in a zoom/teams meeting when the camera covered the floor as well as the person. Adjust your camera so that it's just you, not the rest of the room, and put on a background just in case.

Periperi2025 · 05/12/2025 08:12

DRose3 · 05/12/2025 06:50

That’s true, but in this instance the OP does have a room, and it seems a laptop they can easily move into their own bedroom/another space. If it were a huge setup with multiple screens and heavy duty IT equipment, that is somewhat different & not ideal (as is the case for us).

if you invite a guest into your home, they should have their own private space ideally - to do whatever, even have space away from the hosts/downtime. A close family member should be treated as such - especially FIL, MIL, parents. You’re not only offering a bed.

In this instance it seems OP merely doesn’t want the inconvenience, and isn’t willing to adapt nor accommodate her guests.

Show quote history

I'll bare that in mind and open up the west wing next time i have guest!

Now back to the real world...

OP options are to be firmer with her FIL, so he respects her work, or to only host him during the 6 weeks a year that she has annual leave.

Ohthedaffodils · 05/12/2025 08:16

Maybe he’s auditioning for the next James Bond.

OmNomShiva · 05/12/2025 08:18

Has he been spayed ?

Get a water pistol.

Tootingbec · 05/12/2025 08:23

This is such a none issue! No one gives a toss now or is remotely interested if a dog, child, FIL appears for a nano second behind you when on a call. Unless you are on a call that is super confidential-sensitive in which case you need to make 💯 certain no one will enter by locking the door.

Put a background on if you are worried your FIL won’t remember not to come in.

Greysowhat · 05/12/2025 08:32

OmNomShiva · 05/12/2025 08:18

Has he been spayed ?

Get a water pistol.

😂

Jane143 · 05/12/2025 08:39

This is hilarious!😆