Is husband right that I need psychological help? (Won’t eat outside of home)

[Melessah]

When I was 19 I had a very traumatic experience. I found half a mouse in a ready meal I had bought from a supermarket. It was in a curry. I created a post on twitter and a couple of papers actually picked up the story.

if was obviously very upsetting. I was a university student at the time living off ready meals. After that experience I refused to eat from restaurants, takeaways or supermarkets. I won’t even eat crisps. Everything I eat needs to be 100% “safe”.

Everything I eat is home cooked. I would never buy a ready meal again. I don’t even buy bread from a supermarket. I eat potatoes as my main carb. I eat a lot of eggs (from my mum’s chickens).

Husband obviously knew what he was signing up for when he married me. I do not see myself ever letting my guard down.

Anyway, we were on holiday and he really lost his cool with me. I was eating fruit and boiled eggs and he told me I need help. And that he was getting tired by my the restrictions I place on myself and therefore him.

I have spoken to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I don’t want to be like this. Who is the one that is being unreasonable

You are not unreasonable because it was clearly traumatic, you do need to get some help with it as you miss out on so much due to your limitations so I get your dh's frustration as he misses out too. Hopefully he will have the patience to work through this with you. Hope you manage to find a way forward

I agree with others that this isn't an eating disorder. Your food choices are restricted because you had a traumatic experience from something that should have been safe and you are coping by limiting the possibility of it happening again.

The mouse story is great - the fact that the newspapers picked up on it is evidence that it doesn't happen often.

i’m not sure what you want to get from this thread. You acknowledge yourself that this is not a normal way of eating and you have tried to fix it but it hasn’t worked so your options are either live like this and run the risk that your husband will get fed up and divorce you or make another attempt at getting help.

what is the crux of the problem? Is it that you’re worried that food and restaurants is contaminated in someway?

That’s an odd reaction.

op are you sure that deep down you just don’t want to be like this, like a form of attention seeking?

Do you want to keep to this way of being, or do you want to keep your husband? Because I suspect it's one or the other.

It sounds like he's finding it very restrictive - you say do find it restictive and frankly given babies and todders put everything in their mouths I'm not sure you'd cope with future aim of motherhood at moment.

I think it was a truely awful experince - but I do think this level of concern and impact on your life and people round you then yes you do need further help - as hopefully next HCP you see will have something that helps - and it may just help a little bit but even a bit more flexiblity would probably help.

This - it sounds as if you don’t want to change.

But to be honest how on earth are you going to have a baby if you don’t - you could be in hospital and unable to eat the hospital food. Could you have your child eat out for example or would it just be related to you?

that is if your marriage lasts because your husband sounds as if he has had enough and I can’t blame him he wants someone to share a life with not be constantly tied down by this.

presumably you have been given a diagnosis?

I read in a newspaper about 25 years ago that a mouse had been found baked into a loaf of bread. It didn’t stop me eating bread, perhaps because it didn’t happen to me personally. The OP sounds happy with her safe foods but her DH is getting tired of the restrictions, not unreasonably.

"So you only eat home cooked foods? I don’t think that’s particularly unusual."

I've only ever heard of it for financial reasons, but even those people will eat out at very special occasions like a wedding.

What do you mean by "worse trauma"? Trauma is as big as the person is experiencing it. It doesnt make any difference if you as an outsider think that something that happened is worse or not. Trauma is what people experience, not what actually happenes.

When desperate, try hypnotherapy; that's what lots of people do. Strangely enough it's often the last therapy that works 😊

You haven't answered if you are happy for your DH to have his own food at home and whether or not you sit together to eat separate meals. So for example could he open a tin of beans eat half and leave the other half in the fridge or make something using a jar of sauce and store the leftovers in the fridge. Is he allowed to clean the kitchen or do you have to do that

Have you thought of trying hypnotherapy?

A friend had a phobia that was affecting her work and she was at risk of losing her job. She therefore tried hypnotherapy. We were both highly sceptical and thought it would be a waste of money but after two session she was cured. Her phobia had her lying on the ground screaming and convulsing so it was an extreme fear reaction to an every day event.

Kindly, it is worth looking at all your options even if like us you are highly sceptical about hypnotherapists. She risked her job and I fear you risk your marriage or the possibility of having children so please do consider it.

I find it a perfectly fine reaction to be happy to read that your own experience helped someone to feel better.

OP, you seem incredibly closed minded about everything. You do not just try to control every aspect of your food, but also every aspect of other people's reactions. I have seen you call people all sorts of things if they suggest something you don't like.

You husband must have the patience of a saint, because I would be done with your a long time ago. You sounds incredibly controlling.

In not sure you actually want to change?
I have always had issues around food so I do empathise with you and the mouse thing sounds awful but you surely can’t expect to live the rest of your life like this? It is so restrictive and bringing a child into this situation would be incredibly unfair to them and actually horrendous for you. I suspect your husband will get more and more fed up and frustrated and I can’t say I blame him, how do you cope at events like weddings?

You'll lose your family if you continue like that. You can't be easy to live with. If I found a dead mouse in my food, I'd be disgusted, I'd seek compensation but I wouldn't see it as traumatic. Not ideal but it's a very, very rare event.

Could you start small by going to a restaurant and just having a drink while your family eat or just have a bowl of chips since you eat potatos? You have to work harder to get over this. You can't let it rule your life. It was a dead mouse, not a live grenade.

Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If not YABU. It's just all dead animal, what's the difference? Dead mouse / dead chicken - equally gross, but meat eaters have no problem eating one animal and not another.

i didn’t vote.

Husband should not have blown up at you, but you need help. What you experienced was AWFUL and I completely understand three measures you take, But you might need to put work in to recover from that.

There is a lot of delicious food in the world! Especially on holiday! Get some therapy and enjoy it!

Yep, get some help. It must have been horrible, but you survived it. The chances of that happening again are so low, it isn't worth thinking about. That's coming from someone who doesn't eat ready meals, will only eat pre packed sandwiches if travelling and always checks the hygiene score of restaurants.

I think finding a mouse in a ready meal - which presumably is cooked and ready to eat, is very different to finding something in a bag of fresh produce you prepare yourself.

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds very stressful. Just incase it might be of help… I had a phobia of anything medical especially blood even talking about it made me faint/sick. It started after a lesson involving dissection at school! I came to a point where I needed to do an enhanced first aid course in order to proceed with my job. It was suggested that I try medical hypnotherapy. I was very hesitant but so glad I tried because it only took one session! never had a fainting / sickness episode since. It’s so easy after a shock for your brain to lock it in and your subconscious then go into overdrive thinking it’s protecting you.

Hypnosis could provide the solution here as you’re experiencing a phobic response to a traumatic situation in your past.

My DH is/was an excellent hypnotist although retired now and we don’t live in the UK. He usually cured severe phobias in one session.

However, just like you get some amazing professionals in every sphere, a lot of hypnotherapists are fairly average, so I recommend you spend time researching and looking for recommendations for a really good one. It will be life changing!!

Over 20 years ago I started with an eating disorder which meant I couldn’t eat when on my own and limited the food I would allow myself to eat. I lost a huge amount of weight and became very ill. CBT helped me learn to eat more foods again so I would definitely recommend trying that. I still refuse to eat if I’m alone, but that’s linked to Complex PTSD and OCD which I’m currently working on.

Are you seriously suggesting if you found half a mouse in a ready meal, you’d just eat it ?