Can't afford Dd's very expensive school trip

[Wario54]

My DD is 15 and in year 10 at the moment. We live a deprived part of the North of England. She goes to a local, state comprehensive

My DH has had his hours reduced at work in recent months. I work part time in retail (can't get anymore hours unfortunately - I have asked). Like a lot of families, we're financially struggling to keep our heads above water. But we get by (somehow) and I never take the little things for granted (that we have each other, food on the table and a roof over our heads). We've not told our kids about our financial worries - they know there isn't much spare money but not about the extent of our problems.

Dd has come home tonight with a letter and great excitement about another school trip. They had a guest speaker today (external travel company) in assembly today enthusing them about a trip to Borneo of all places. It's 4 weeks long and the cost is £6,500. Currently planned for June/July 2027 (just after her GCSE'S). They are expected to fundraise some of the cost themselves (bake sales, sponsored walks etc) but we will have to pay the majority if she's to go.

She said today that she'll get a Saturday job to cover some of the cost herself. But even with that, taken into account we just can't afford it. It breaks my heart, because I'd love to give her that opportunity but I know we simply can't.

She's full of excitement about trekking through the jungle and cuddling Orangutans. But how do I tell her when she's already set her heart on it? 😢

I just think the school are being completely ridiculous by offering such an expensive trip in a cost of living crisis.

Apart from anything else, £6.5k for one young person to go to Borneo seems very poor value for money.

You could do it for much, much less than that if you really wanted to go. So I don't really understand why anyone would pay for the trip that is being offered.

Sorry OP but these trips are given the hard sell. Im very suspicious of them and the actual benefit on either end.

Sorry for thinking this was AI, there just seem to be a lot of apparently AI-generated threads around at the moment which read in a similar way.

It's not that the situation didn't seem plausible, it very much did.

There has be a few investigations over this . Some of the places kids go are not safe . Yes anything can happen but in this case it happens a lot

As someone who’s visited an orang outan reserve, I can tell her that she certainly won’t be cuddling any! On one forest trek we were advised to quietly walk away if a particular adult male was spotted - apparently he had form for snatching bags/rucksacks, thinking they would contain bananas!

But if he did snatch yours, just let him have it - he was quite capable of ripping your arm off.

Absolutely agree with everyone here. I would be writing a complaint letter to the head teacher. I have done that about a ski trip in the region of £2k in the USA for a few days, not even a full week. total madness when we have skiing in Europe. No one should be entertaining it and shame on the school for raising the children’s expectations.

It's sad that people who actually "can't" afford something unnecessary for their kids always feel guilty about it whereas those of us who could feel quite free to just say "no" to something that is so ridiculously expensive.

I pay for DD's uni accommodation and hope to be able to help her with a house deposit in due course but any £6500 holidays she'll have to earn herself!

This sounds like one of those "world challenge" type trips. The concept is absolute bullshit. I spoke to someone going on last week and they were telling me they were going to helping build a school, a 16 year old with no building experience. Imagine if a building company turned up in the UK to work on a school and had a load of unqualified kids from Borneo doing the work as part of a school trip. Imagine how much proper building work the school in Borneo could get done for £6,500.

World Challenge makes massive profits from running these trips.

I’m guessing this is part of World Challenge UK - some secondary schools offer it. Most students don’t do it - so she will not be alone if she doesn’t sign up. It was offered at my son’s school - we said no - he would have opportunities to do similar things as an adult and he can pay for it himself

Even if she works every weekend until then, both days, open to close in an average retail job, that's still only approx 2.5k. Not even half. That's a ludicrous amount for a school trip. What planet do these people live on?

Does she have any real understanding of how much money that is? £6,500 is over 15 weeks' full time work on the adult minimum wage. Explain that to her, and that you actually need to buy necessary things from your wage, like mortgage, food, clothes, transport. The school should not be encouraging children to think it's reasonable to expect to go on such an expensive trip. Think of the carbon emissions in flying that far, too.

I think another way of looking at it is - if your DD magically had a £6,500 windfall, prior to getting the hard-sell yesterday, would a trip to Borneo have been anywhere near the top of her/your plans for how to spend it? Probably not, I'm imagining.

However much money you have, it's all about opportunity costs. What else could that money be spent on? Is a trip to Borneo really THE thing she wants most in the world? And if she really does want to go to Borneo, is this a good way to do it (hint: almost certainly not, given the high cost and probably questionable ethics)?

It sounds like she's been captivated by the sale pitch and FOMO.

TBH it does rather sound as if your dd is somewhat in la-la land as far as real-life money is concerned, OP. So perhaps this will be a timely lesson for her.

It seems that your daughter doesn't have much (any?) sense of the value of money and how much things cost. Does she seriously not have any concept that a £6k trip is not realistic for the family's circumstances?

Yes I could pay for a £6.5k holiday right now if I wanted to, there's absolute no way on earth I would be paying for this trip, no guilt involved.

OP shouldn't see it as a decision that's driven by financial hardship, it's just a sensible decision.

“She's full of excitement about trekking through the jungle and cuddling Orangutans. But how do I tell her when she's already set her heart on it?”

I can almost guarantee she will not be cuddling any orangutans. And any company that actually offers that is a terrible company and people shouldn’t be encouraging it anyway and giving them money.

Orangutans are susceptible to the same illnesses as humans. They absolutely should not be being exposed to a stream of random teenagers and their germs. Most of the babies the sanctuaries are taking care of will be traumatised from losing their parent. They need expert care to teach them to live as orangutans. Not “cuddles” from random humans. The decent sanctuaries will know how much human contact these primates should have and limit it accordingly.

I think it's ridiculous to dangle this in front of kids. It's a huge amount of money.
Yes write to the head & the governors.

I would sit your teen down & show her your finances, full income & expenditure so she can understand why it's simply not possible. I do think that this is very helpful with teens as they then can grasp what you are contending with. (Not to the point of terrifying them as to where the next meal is coming from, but you have said this isn't your situation) Also helps them in later life to manage own funds. We are far too circumspect on sharing this information with our nearest & dearest. I have no idea why, it's a very important life skill.
I'm furious for you! Good luck with the governors

That is SO irresponsible of the school to allow a travel company in to pitch this ridiculously expensive trip. I would be honest and tell DD it is a hard no, explain why and then seriously complain to the school about how inappropriate this was.

I have read the OP’s posts and some (but not all) of the replies.

I suspect that the school didn’t realise that the speaker would be doing a hard sell for an expensive trip - it’s possible that they were told the talk was about “ecology” and “fundraising” and then found out what it was really about once the speaker started. I probably wouldn’t go in all guns blazing - a short note to say that this has put you in a stressful situation and that £6.5k is completely unaffordable would do the trick.

Secondly, the fundraising for things like this can get really awkward. Having your friends’ kids keep asking for sponsorship is annoying - particularly when it seems to be for a particularly fancy holiday. There was a thread a while back by someone who kept being messaged because she hadn’t donated to a colleague’s daughter’s fund for going to Namibia. I think she ended up going to HR because it was so relentless.

6,500 is ridiculous. For context DS2 is at a private school his swanky end of 6th form trip is £4,000 - which DH bitched his way through paying.

What is the trip even for, given that GCSEs will be over and sixth form won’t have started? What’s the educational driver for it?

This. It’s a global challenge. They are specifically marketed as trips for which the kids fundraise to cover their costs (this may not always happen in practice but it’s the idea). They offer these trips every two years at my DC school. The school put time and effort into supporting the kids with fundraising events. Neither of my kids ever went but to suggest complaining to the school is ridiculous! Why shouldn’t they offer these kinds of opportunities to working class kids? The vast vast majority of kids won’t go so your child won’t be missing out if she doesn’t. And if she does want to go the school will probably support with fundraising.

If your DD is captivated by the idea of volunteering with animals, point her in the direction of your local shelter. As a teen I absolutely adored animals (still do of course) and did all sorts from 14yr onwards. Volunteered at the RSPCA, walking retired greyhounds, and at the cats protection league shelter. It was amazing, really hard and dirty work and so rewarding. I did it from 14-19 with a few breaks here and there.

It's a good less for your DD that yes, it's really important to volunteer and help others, let's look closer to home. What good can she do with her time that is more efficient and less resource heavy than travelling all that way to do nothing skilled? What can she do locally? :)

Is this one of those trips where the students go to help in the local community of the country they are visiting? My son's school did a trip to Tanzania (I think!) and the students were helping build a school in a village and helping the local children. The trip has to be funded by the students and parents. The students are encouraged to run bake sales, wash cars etc to raise their money. We don't live in a deprived area, but I can tell you that there were only a few students that went on the trip out of the entire year group. Unless parents have £6,500 sitting around doing nothing, then most normal working families can't afford such a trip, regardless if they live in a deprived area or not! We couldn't afford for my son to go at that kind of cost. I think you need to sit your daughter down and have a honest conversation with her. If you are having financial issues then she needs to understand that. At 15 she's at an age where she can understand financial implications.

The school is entirely responsible for understanding precisely what the speaker will be saying to a room full of pupils.

Or stopping it if it starts to go awry from what they expected.