To be seriously concerned about sending DS to nursery given news today?

[SharpPinkDuck]

I have a 14 month old DS and had been planning for him to start nursery 3 days per week in London in January as I have a new part time job which I’d been really looking forward to.

However having read the horrific, disgusting news today about the nursery worker in London who SA’d the babies and children I feel incredibly anxious and unsure that I should be sending him. I don’t feel at all comfortable with the idea of any male coming into contact with him in a nursery setting, I don’t care if that’s an outdated attitude, I am not willing to risk it and clearly there is a risk. My nursery had no men while I looked around and we liked the setting and the staff.

Does anyone have any advice? I cannot believe the world is this way, that I can’t send my child to nursery costing a fortune for fear of him being sexually assaulted or worse.

It’s shocking, there have also been cases of abuse from women too in the past in childcare settings. Sadly, children are most likely to be abused by their family, but most think it would never happen to them.

Well there are posters on the Working families on eighteen k thread who think absolutely anybody should be made to do childcare and care work as long as they arent sat at home claiming UC While the public brays for ppl being forced into this work even if they are unsuitable cases like this will be more likely

I am so sorry lovely. Completely understand how you feel after that news. My daughter is 4 now but she went to a childminder for 3 years. I trusted her implicitly. It was a home away from home, there was only ever a maximum of 4/5 kids Max at a time. Much cheaper than nursery (and I'm in an expensive city). Is that something you'd recommend? I know there are some great nurseries but it would never have suited my daughter. We tried it for 6 months and she hated it. She would beg to go to the childminder and see her little gang there. She also taught her so much and she is now thriving at school. Just one option. I'm not saying you can guarantee it's a safer environment but I feel it's much more likely to be and I'm so grateful for the happy years she had there

I understand childminders are often mentioned as a better option, however near me the childminder options are regularly husband and wife which I don’t feel comfortable with in a home setting without anyone having eyes on what’s going on. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say to or ask my nursery in light of this news to help make me feel comfortable that something like this won’t happen to my DS. Otherwise I’m considering trying to find a nanny which is an incredibly expensive option that will mean my new job will not bring in any income and we will be no better off financially for me working.

It’s so scary op I know. The thing that made me feel better about nursery is there are other staff members who Im guessing found out about him and that’s how he was found out? Wheress with childminder Im anxious Id never know. It’s so difficult.

Id make sure you talk to the nursery about all of this and ask about procedures like do they make sure the door is open for nappy changes so other staff can see nothing is happening. Make it clear that you are not a parent who will be ignoring anything.

Do you know ow anyone that uses a nanny? Sometimes they provide a nanny share option, it could work for you more so if you're part time.
Don't look at the cost for childcare as something to save,, you need to keep your foot in the door so you can still eventually earn once your baby starts school, it's much much harder to find work after stopping to SAHM.

You do realise that women have also abused children in their care? So perhaps you need to consider if you even put him into nursery

However abusers are a very small percentage within the industry, you also get abusers on schools, will you stop him going to school? The church, scouts groups, your own family

All you can do is be vigilant and ask they grow up tell them it’s wrong and if it happens to tell you

That’s true, but it’s also ok to be sahm.

I have thought about this however the difference now is he can’t speak or tell me if something did happen - I wouldn’t know. I wonder if it would be wiser to wait until he is fully communicative to go to nursery.

It was reported that a co-worker flagged him for mocking the children. His devices were seized and it then took 12-18mo for the serious abuse images to be discovered due to backlog of police tech reviewing.

The statistics are clear, when it comes to CSA in these settings the vast majority of perpetrators (and instigators) are male (including trans women offenders).

Do you have a partner, male relatives?

Being a child of a childminder and knowing several I would always choose a nursery . It is much easier to get away with bad practice if you are in your own home.

Yes, I'm sure there are many many childminders who have committed abuse and never found out. Nursery feels nuch safer.

My daughter went to a childminder for a few months. I finished work early one day so went to collect early, let myself into side gate via code as usual. To find my daughter in a locked boiling conservatory strapped into a toddler car seat on the floor, crying her eyes out. Childminder had taken other children to local farm and left my daughter behind, with only her elderly deaf mum who was upstairs, who didn't hear me ringing front doorbell and banging on front door, so didn't hear my daughter. This childminders came with excellent reviews, and although I contacted ofsted, nothing was done and she is still running her childminding business.

I know it is horrifying but the reason cases like this make the news is because it is rare.

When you visit some nurseries talk to the staff and manager about their safeguarding procedures- good nurseries will happily and openly share these with you. If you feel fobbed off or made to feel like you are being a “fussy” mother then that is a bit of a flag to proceed with caution.

There is no perfect solution to childcare except not to use it. But the vast majority of children who go to nursery are well cared for and looked after.

I didn't send my children to nursery or a childminder. I would never recommend it. So many people do though and will defend their choice. The only way to know your child isn't going to end up sexually abused is if you keep your child with you. Ready to get lots of comments following this. It upsets mumsnetters for voicing opinions like this.

I think you're right to worried about sending a baby who can't speak, isnt toilet trained and can't defend itself to nursery especially one with men working there. Pedophiles are attracted to jobs that give them access to children. Yes there's lots of peados at schools but it's much harder to sexually abuse a 12 year child in a school setting than a 12 month old baby at nursery. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Of course it is, I'm a SAHM of 10yrs but I've just started to look for employment again and it has been very tricky having such a large gap.

DT’s started full time nursery at six months old - had no concerns about the excellent quality care they received. Gave DH and I peace of mind whilst we were at work. Two of the nursery staff became our babysitters each week st home for many years.,

I avoided sending my kids to large chain nurseries with big teams of staff, and I admit I would also have avoided any nursery with male staff. I sent them to a small homely nursery in a large/converted house with a small team that I knew and trusted. I also didn’t send them until they were two. I was fortunate to have that option, I realise not everyone does.

I considered a childminder but I wouldn’t have been happy not knowing who is coming and going during the day, or with the presence of husbands/other family members or friends that I may not be aware of. Nurseries have front door security, with other staff and safety and security procedures, cameras. I know there are fantastic childminders out there, this was just my personal preference. Trust your gut and go with whatever arrangement you are most comfortable with.

I understand why you are freaked out by the news, but these are very rare cases and need to be viewed as such. Your child will probably love going to nursery so try and find one where you feel equally comfortable.

I understand where you are coming from. And commercial, communal childcare would never be my first choice. It’s such a difficult decision. Of course, 99.99 times out of 100, it’s fine and and the babies are well treated. But just one traumatic incident for a young child can have a lasting impact, and they cannot speak up.

I understand that families have different factors to consider when making choices about childcare, cost being a huge one. And not everyone lives close to family.

As a clinical psychologist. I thought really hard about childcare choices. In the end, we opted for grandparents a day a week and a nanny, who had worked for a friend for years for two days a week. I worked part time until my youngest turned eight. Financially and professionally a nightmare, but the best choice for them.

Honestly I don’t really understand what is different now to yesterday. This is not the first nursery worker convicted of this, and that’s not mentioning the girl who was strapped to beanbag (by a woman) and died a couple of years ago.
I’m not anti nursery - both my children went to one.

But people have such unbelievably bad risk perception. Children are far more likely to be abused by a family member but no one tears their hair out over leaving a child with their grandparent. And you don’t even know if there are any men at your son’s nursery.

This is very true.
I later found out that the childminders 14 year old son was occasionally changing my daughters nappy and being left in charge of her and another child. I would have equally had an issue with it being a 14 year old daughter.

Yep. Children are far more likely to be abused by a step parent than any other adult. Followed by an extended family member.

I’ve worked in nurseries for years, as a chef, and I have always been impressed with the devotion of the staff. You are always going to get a few bad apples but the majority of nursery staff are fantastic. It’s tricky but there are certain people you have to trust in life.

Op these cases are very rare. And in a nursery with many eyes and ears any abuse or neglect would hopefully be noticed and stopped.

People always seem to think childminders are better but I feel thats putting all your trust in one basket. Same with nannies.