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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be seriously concerned about sending DS to nursery given news today?

167 replies

SharpPinkDuck · 03/12/2025 19:57

I have a 14 month old DS and had been planning for him to start nursery 3 days per week in London in January as I have a new part time job which I’d been really looking forward to.

However having read the horrific, disgusting news today about the nursery worker in London who SA’d the babies and children I feel incredibly anxious and unsure that I should be sending him. I don’t feel at all comfortable with the idea of any male coming into contact with him in a nursery setting, I don’t care if that’s an outdated attitude, I am not willing to risk it and clearly there is a risk. My nursery had no men while I looked around and we liked the setting and the staff.

Does anyone have any advice? I cannot believe the world is this way, that I can’t send my child to nursery costing a fortune for fear of him being sexually assaulted or worse.

OP posts:
TrippingOverMyAssets · 05/12/2025 09:24

PrincessOfPreschool · 04/12/2025 10:45

I think it's awful that all male nursery workers would be mistrusted like this. My friend's son works with kids. He is adopted and wants to go into social work but this is his way in. He is wonderful with the kids and just a really, loving gentle guy, who is only 20. I'm so sad that people would look at him and mistrust him just because he's male.

Thankfully Mumsnet doesn’t represent a very realistic view of men in society. You have to remember there’s a large contingent of women with failed relationships who think everyone else has made poor choices in men just because they did and that we all share their mistrust and bitterness towards men. They can’t grasp the idea of other people not having being consumed with hatred toward all men in general and treating them all with intense suspicion.

Parker231 · 05/12/2025 11:09

Mookie81 · 05/12/2025 08:45

I don't care how this sounds, but both this guy and the young lad from the other week just look like 'wronguns'.
Whatever qualifications they may have, if they came to me for an interview I wouldn't be hiring them.
I don't understand how the nursery manager thought they would be a good hire.

Edited

And you would risk a challenge for discrimination.

StrawberryShieldsForever · 05/12/2025 11:27

Prelim · 03/12/2025 20:01

It’s shocking, there have also been cases of abuse from women too in the past in childcare settings. Sadly, children are most likely to be abused by their family, but most think it would never happen to them.

It’s hard to prevent abuse by trusted family members but so easy to prevent abuse by male strangers. It’s a risk you don’t have to accept

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 06/12/2025 20:29

Bushmillsbabe · 03/12/2025 22:50

I was about to call them, to ask them to break down the doors, when she arrived back. . With hindsight I wish I had called police, taken photos etc, but in the moment I just wanted to get her away from there

Show quote history

She needed prosecuting and being struck off as a child minder to be fair

I’m a social worker- it’s not too late and you can still report retrospectively via 101

LostittoBostik · 06/12/2025 20:31

Personally I always felt the checks and balances in nurseries were much safer than closed house childminding settings. That’s just me.

napody · 06/12/2025 20:38

Autumvibes · 03/12/2025 21:29

My children attended a nursery which was very open. Even the closed rooms had glass windows into the rooms. Everything was seen, the toilets for the children had no door just little child sized cubicles. If you can find a nursery like that I think it’s very reassuring.

Also low turn over of staff and lots of them around always working in teams.

Edited

I was going to suggest this as something to look for. A pp being comfortable that their child's nursery was 'homely like a big house'- lots of small rooms make it far more likely that staff will be alone with children. SA is very unlikely but even just general snappiness with children is less likely if staff have natural surveillance of each other- plus the great staff are more visible as role models.

Bushmillsbabe · 06/12/2025 22:11

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 06/12/2025 20:29

She needed prosecuting and being struck off as a child minder to be fair

I’m a social worker- it’s not too late and you can still report retrospectively via 101

Show quote history

Agree with you, but without proof I didn't think I would get very far, she had glowing references. And it was about 3.5 years ago.

Bigcat25 · 06/12/2025 22:19

I don't know the setting of your nursery but at ours there were cameras in the room and enough kids say 12-18 that there was multiple staff members around. Not much opportunity for one on one time for an offender. I know it's a terrible thing but low probability.

TwotierChristmas · 06/12/2025 22:32

The world has always been this way op.
There are many stories of predators working with kids.
Some nurseries have constant video cameras I would only send my child to one of those.

TwotierChristmas · 06/12/2025 22:35

@Bushmillsbabe

That's horrendous how many other DC has she done that too since ??

Wouldn't police be called in that situation ?

TwotierChristmas · 06/12/2025 22:37

@Newsenmum I may have got this wrong but I thought it was found out because a new person went in and saw somerhng ...it went on for a long time

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 01:55

That is the thing of life. Fear can hinder us from making choices which might be good and careful sometimes. I suppose you will have to go to parents meeting and find out if you can trust the teachers.

Bushmillsbabe · 07/12/2025 13:18

TwotierChristmas · 06/12/2025 22:35

@Bushmillsbabe

That's horrendous how many other DC has she done that too since ??

Wouldn't police be called in that situation ?

I was just about to call them to gain access to get my daughter out, and then childminder got back. In that moment I just wanted to get her out and away, but I do wish I had taken a video on my phone showing me trying handle, doorbell etc and her crying which i could have shared with ofsted and maybe police. Hindsight is 20:20 as they say.

TwotierChristmas · 07/12/2025 15:09

@Bushmillsbabe definatly police hot conservatory she could have died.

Sharporangebird · 21/12/2025 12:04

SharpPinkDuck · 05/12/2025 09:06

Update- Unfortunately my nursery has hired a male deputy manager and I’ve decided to pull my son out. I am going to look for a nanny that we have chosen, unfortunately this and a number of other reasons made me feel uncomfortable with my son going at this point in time, I feel he’s too young and it’s not right for our family.

good luck to anyone else going through this process.

This seems like an overreaction.

Mookie81 · 12/02/2026 07:00

GingerBeverage · 09/02/2026 14:03

Another man in the news, convicted.

Nathan Bennett, 5 children in Bristol.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026/feb/09/man-found-guilty-sexually-abusing-children-bristol-nursery

Another one who looks exactly like a nonce. Maybe it's the mugshot effect, but I don't think so. All of these men look like they shouldn't be within 100 feet of a child. Who is hiring these freaks? I've worked with men in early years, as my mother did 30 years ago. They were family men, presented well and good with children, so I'm not against men working with young children. But these men seem bad straight off the bat.

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