To be seriously concerned about sending DS to nursery given news today?

[SharpPinkDuck]

I have a 14 month old DS and had been planning for him to start nursery 3 days per week in London in January as I have a new part time job which I’d been really looking forward to.

However having read the horrific, disgusting news today about the nursery worker in London who SA’d the babies and children I feel incredibly anxious and unsure that I should be sending him. I don’t feel at all comfortable with the idea of any male coming into contact with him in a nursery setting, I don’t care if that’s an outdated attitude, I am not willing to risk it and clearly there is a risk. My nursery had no men while I looked around and we liked the setting and the staff.

Does anyone have any advice? I cannot believe the world is this way, that I can’t send my child to nursery costing a fortune for fear of him being sexually assaulted or worse.

It's terrifying but there's not much you can do. I waited until my dcs were 2.5 until they started nursery and they were verbal and fully toilet trained - but these reports say the guy was in charge of 2-4 year olds so they were likely very verbal, being old enough to speak doesn't mean they will feel able to speak out.

It's always concerned me that in a lot of these cases the adult has passed enhanced dbs checks - all that means is that they have never been caught before. And the actual SA in this case might never have been caught if other behaviour hadn't been suspicious. It always makes me think that it may well not be that rare after all, because if he hadn't videoed it, it would never have been uncovered, and it's not far fetched to think that other abusers are getting away with it simply because they haven't left an evidence trail.

As others have said, there have been some high profile female abusers too, so I don't think a male staff member should be a particular concern. The fact is you can never know for sure. We don't live far from that nursery and although I don't know anyone who sent their dcs to that one, the chain is popular and I've heard good feedback about other branches. I am just glad my dcs are older and in school now.

What has being a clinical psychologist got to do with your childcare choices? I’m sure everyone thinks hard about what is best for their family.

There are very few men working in nurseries so this probably will never be an issue for you.

You were very lucky to be in a financial position not to send your child to formal childcare and be able to have one salary meet your outgoings.
However for the millions of mothers around the country tonight who know they will be dropping their babies to childcare settings in the morning due to financial necessity to feed, clothes and house them comments like this are completely unhelpful.

The news is horrible and it does seem he choose a role to get as close to children. The nursery seems to have failed in safeguarding, process and checks in place.

Both my girls went to nursery, I remember how hard finding the right one. Going into some and literally walking straight back out again! I had to loose a months salary to align to a start date of nursery that we preferred.

challenge and ask the questions, what are the safe guarding they follow , if something doesn’t feel right or look right walk away. Keep looking to what works for you, and that can be SAHP or shared nanny, nursery or childminder.

If you want to reduce the chance of your child being abused in a nursery setting by at least 90% - make sure they don’t employ men.

I know I'll get slated for this but I put my son at nursery at14 months and in hindsight I wish I had not. I had a scholarship for a professional training course so an excellent opp, and frankly found full-time mothering a thankless and challenging job, so put my son in with his sister (then 4 and was at nursery from 2.5 years). My son was too little to make himself understood, was shy and there wasn't the level of attention he needed. This was an Ofsted 'Outstanding' private nursery. A staff member discreetly informed me that for months my son has been pushed around by an older boy, has cried and screamed and been ignored. I'm convinced this has led to many of the social issues he has today. My daughter was able to speak, confidently move and knew enough to articulate wheres my son was a defenceless baby who suffered. Id give anything to go back and change things, but it's too late.

"I know it is horrifying but the reason cases like this make the news is because it is rare."

I agree with this. It is a horrific case but you have to think about all the nurseries in the UK and all the children that attend every day. And balance it with the positives that nursery brings and the fact that the majority of CSA is by a family member. Nursery feels less safe right now because of this mans horrific actions, it doesn't mean it is less safe than the alternatives.

Wasn't luck at all. My husband worked a minimum wage job. We went without. I didn't claim benefits as didn't know I could. It was a sacrifice I chose to make. We all make decisions and I would make it all over again if I had to.

Everything is scary.

I dropped my kids to a music group the same day as those 3 little angels were murdered in Stockport.

I know a childminder whose hubby abused the kids.....

We have to make decisions hoping that childcare settings have complied with risk assessments. It never ends.

But there are bad people in all settings. Teachers, doctors, nurses, coaches, music tutors....

Anyone can go to a childminders house - it’s far riskier.

DBS checks may simply mean that they have not been caught yet.

OP have a look at a few nurseries to get a feel. Also maybe look at ones attached to schools as some take younger ones. When my DC was at nursery, I also did a couple of random pick ups with the excuse that I finished work early ect and found my DC happy playing and interacting nicely with the staff so felt more reassured. We were so sad when it was time to leave the nursery for school.

Don't be put off by the news today as there are some lovely nurseries out there which will be a good fit for your DS.

My children attended a nursery which was very open. Even the closed rooms had glass windows into the rooms. Everything was seen, the toilets for the children had no door just little child sized cubicles. If you can find a nursery like that I think it’s very reassuring.

Also low turn over of staff and lots of them around always working in teams.

Not in any way comparable.

Last I looked, there were over 14,000 male sex offenders in UK prisons and only about 120 in women's prisons. Very few of those women acted alone (i.e. without a man being involved) or were convicted of the most serious crimes.

Abuse at nurseries isn't very common. However men, as a group, are a risk to women and children. Women are not much of a risk.

OP if it worries you, how about a childminder?

And the vast majority of them men. That's just the reality of it.

Are you concerned about about your baby being killed after that woman tied a baby to a bean bag and they died?

My DDs loved their time at nursery. After we left and moved away, the nursery invited them back for the Christmas party because they missed them so much.
They went to their nursery from a very young age and it really helped with getting them into a routine, sharing, tidying toys away and the varied diet I am sure helped their palate develop.
it was a lovely nursery and as PPs have said, your gut feel when you walk in, plus watching the interaction between the staff and children made us comfortable with our choice.

My children both went to a nursery in this chain, and had both male and female workers involved in their care. I have only positive experiences. This scenario is horrific, but rare. Talk to the staff involved in your child’s care, ask questions, trust your instincts.

How were you able to finance being a SAHM?
Did you receive any government benefits (other than child benefit) to support that decision?
Or did you live off savings or your partner?

You housed, fed and clothed a family with no benefits on one minimum wage job so around 1600 a month?

Ok.
For most people that would barely cover their mortgage or rent. So it's a bit more than not having a foreign holiday or Netflix.

More likely to die in a car crash I would've thought.

I just know that 99.9% of people in the care professions are normal. Same as the general public. The world runs because 99.9% are normal - otherwise we would not have survived - everything works based on the premise that people behave normally. Obviously, there are risks and more to the point - those in the nursery won't give much of a damn about the children in their care, in the sense, they won't be reading them stories non-stop, talking to them, playing developing games with them, teaching them foreign languages or music, basically, they would be ignoring them, but actively harming them? I really don't think so.

Lol yes my children weren't born today or this year. We didn't overstretch on our mortgage either before we had children as we didn't want to be in a position where we had to both work once we had kids just to pay the mortgage. So all deliberate, thought out decisions. Not luck. You are choosing not to believe it because it's easier to swallow and makes you feel better about sending your children to nursery tomorrow and the choices youve made. That's okay. I understand. You do tell yourself whatever you like, to get through each day. All the very best.

Such a terrible awful thing to happen and I completely see where you are coming from. Those poor families. Thankfully this type of thing is very very rare. Something has went terribly wrong in that specific nursery. You could ask them about their safeguarding arrangements etc to put your mind at rest. They will understand. I'm sure a lot of places are reviewing their procedures to make sure everyone can remain safe.