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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
PandoraSocks · 04/12/2025 09:42

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:38

I will never understand why people choose to leave their babies in the care of complete strangers. Babies cannot tell you what has happened to them. Every week there is another case of abuse in a nursery somewhere. This one is chilling.

There isn't a case of abuse in a nursery every week. This is rare, thankfully, and that's why these cases make the news. It's unkind to try to make parents feel guilty for using a nursery.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:44

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:38

I will never understand why people choose to leave their babies in the care of complete strangers. Babies cannot tell you what has happened to them. Every week there is another case of abuse in a nursery somewhere. This one is chilling.

I mean this is a naive post because for most it isn’t a choice. How are people supposed to keep a roof over their heads?

I assume you…

Don’t have children,
or
Had them years ago when everything was cheaper
or
Have family support so didn’t need to use nursery
or
Have a rich partner so are a SAHM
or
Don’t work

…..

Supersimkin7 · 04/12/2025 09:49

There are huge advantages to the death penalty - cheaper, world safer, you name it. Dodgy convictions are very, very, very rare.

But murder’s wrong. So we suck up the expense and effort of prison.

Gaol’s the least worst option.

randomchap · 04/12/2025 09:50

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:38

I will never understand why people choose to leave their babies in the care of complete strangers. Babies cannot tell you what has happened to them. Every week there is another case of abuse in a nursery somewhere. This one is chilling.

You do understand that it is a necessity for thousands of women and that being a sahm is a privilege that not everyone can do

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:50

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:44

I mean this is a naive post because for most it isn’t a choice. How are people supposed to keep a roof over their heads?

I assume you…

Don’t have children,
or
Had them years ago when everything was cheaper
or
Have family support so didn’t need to use nursery
or
Have a rich partner so are a SAHM
or
Don’t work

…..

Edited

None of the above.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:50

OtterlyAstounding · 04/12/2025 09:38

And yet wars have been, and are, fought globally, with entirely ordinary people killing other people en masse, often over nothing more than land and resource rights.

War aside, there are definitely cases where it is considered morally acceptable to end another person's life.

That's not to say that the state should have the right to execute its own citizens, though.

You’ve made some really great points there ! 👏

Xmasdemon · 04/12/2025 09:50

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:44

I mean this is a naive post because for most it isn’t a choice. How are people supposed to keep a roof over their heads?

I assume you…

Don’t have children,
or
Had them years ago when everything was cheaper
or
Have family support so didn’t need to use nursery
or
Have a rich partner so are a SAHM
or
Don’t work

…..

Edited

I wouldn't be interested in a man that couldn't support me if I wanted to have children. I also would rather claim UC if I was in this position, than send my baby into childcare

NotMrsBrown · 04/12/2025 09:54

IMO if someone commits a crime that is so heinous, like this one, IMO they automatically forfeit the right to get any older.

However, we have abolished the death penalty, so if anyone wants to bring it back they should start lobbying their MP about it.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:57

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:50

None of the above.

So what did you do for childcare when your children were little then if it’s none of the above?

Very interested to hear your experience and the ‘right’ choice you made. I suspect I won’t get a reply though…. Funnily enough!

randomchap · 04/12/2025 09:58

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 09:38

I will never understand why people choose to leave their babies in the care of complete strangers. Babies cannot tell you what has happened to them. Every week there is another case of abuse in a nursery somewhere. This one is chilling.

It's also worth pointing out that most abuse isn't from a stranger but from someone already known to the family, or another member of the family.

Just because you're putting your child in nursery does not mean they are safer than leaving them with someone you know

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 10:05

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 09:57

So what did you do for childcare when your children were little then if it’s none of the above?

Very interested to hear your experience and the ‘right’ choice you made. I suspect I won’t get a reply though…. Funnily enough!

Edited

My children are currently small and I do all of their care.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 10:08

Xmasdemon · 04/12/2025 09:50

I wouldn't be interested in a man that couldn't support me if I wanted to have children. I also would rather claim UC if I was in this position, than send my baby into childcare

When you say baby what do you mean? I think most would wait at least 9 months and as long as possible but for many there isn’t an option to not go to work at some point, because financially they won’t be able to live even with benefit too ups even if their partner works.

Also some woman don’t want a man to support them financially and they want their own career because if it goes tits up it’s the woman that ends up with nothing.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 10:11

ThejoyofNC · 04/12/2025 10:05

My children are currently small and I do all of their care.

Well you must be getting your money from somewhere?

Xmasdemon · 04/12/2025 10:12

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 10:08

When you say baby what do you mean? I think most would wait at least 9 months and as long as possible but for many there isn’t an option to not go to work at some point, because financially they won’t be able to live even with benefit too ups even if their partner works.

Also some woman don’t want a man to support them financially and they want their own career because if it goes tits up it’s the woman that ends up with nothing.

I think this is where there is a class difference so with working class lower paid employment you will be approximately £300 per month better off working than not working. Its not insubstantial but it doesn't seem worth it when the alternative is being home with your kids. That's before child care costs which I would be paying 30% of that's about £300 per month.

I wouldn't want child care for my children until they were of school age

LakieLady · 04/12/2025 10:15

HermioneWeasley · 03/12/2025 16:49

I don’t know. Where there’s no doubt (like Axel Rudakabana) I think we should have the death penalty

Every single jury verdict is based on the jurors being satisfied that the defendant is guilty "beyond reasonable doubt". They still make the wrong decision and there's no way of avoiding that.

The list of innocent people who would have been wrongly executed had we still had the death penalty is a long one, I can think of at least 20 off the top of my head.

I also think that if killing people is wrong, it's wrong for the state to do it, unless it's in a war situation where there is a direct threat to the nation by another nation.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 10:24

Xmasdemon · 04/12/2025 10:12

I think this is where there is a class difference so with working class lower paid employment you will be approximately £300 per month better off working than not working. Its not insubstantial but it doesn't seem worth it when the alternative is being home with your kids. That's before child care costs which I would be paying 30% of that's about £300 per month.

I wouldn't want child care for my children until they were of school age

I agree that for some in lower paid jobs it’s not always worth it, but being out of work for 5 years will cause problems down the line and make it harder to get back in to the workplace.

15 hours free nursery starts at 3 and most people take advantage of that because it’s beneficial for their development so the vast majority of kids are attending at 3.

blobby10 · 04/12/2025 10:26

I used to be very pro death penalty but, mainly thanks to years spent on MN, I am more undecided now. Yes, serial murderers and rapists and definitely all child molesters don't deserve to live but then the line gets very blurred. If you say all murderers should die then what about the DV victim who killed their abuser accidentally or in self defense? What about the motorist who through making a mistake like all drivers do at some point, ended up causing an accident when another person was killed?
And if we say all child molesters does that include men/women over 18 who embark on a sexual relationship with 15-17 year old? Technically still a child but way more adult than I was at that age in the 80s.
My mother used to say that to kill someone under the death penalty makes someone else a murderer but I think that in this day and age with so much technology around it should be possible to draw up a random program so that the computer presses the 'kill' button rather than a human
All men who commit rape or sexual assault, especially those who abuse children should have their penis removed. Yes they can live with a bloody catheter for ever and I know their 'urges' will never go away but at least they won't have a tool to use. And if they persist cut off their hands!

LakieLady · 04/12/2025 10:33

SerendipityJane · 03/12/2025 18:04

Timothy Evans confessed. Which of course was a great comfort to the women that Christie went on to kill after Evans execution.

Judith Ward confessed too, but thankfully the death penalty had been abolished by then.

Xmasdemon · 04/12/2025 10:35

The age of legal adult is 16 in the UK @blobby10

Funnywonder · 04/12/2025 10:35

OtterlyAstounding · 04/12/2025 09:38

And yet wars have been, and are, fought globally, with entirely ordinary people killing other people en masse, often over nothing more than land and resource rights.

War aside, there are definitely cases where it is considered morally acceptable to end another person's life.

That's not to say that the state should have the right to execute its own citizens, though.

War is arguably self defence, certainly for the cannon fodder on the ground. The ordinary people who end up involved have no choice. It’s kill or be killed. I think I would kill someone if they tried to harm my child. Or me for that matter. In the moment. But the state actively setting a date and time to kill someone is cold, brutal and deliberate, the very characteristics we abhor in the perpetrator of the crime. It’s hypocritical.

SerendipityJane · 04/12/2025 10:36

OonaStubbs · 03/12/2025 23:45

There should be a referendum on bringing back the death penalty just like there was for Brexit. I am fairly certain that "yes" would win.

The UK should never have another referendum ever.

You have an MP. It's their job to represent you. If you feel they aren't, then find one who does, and get them elected.

randomchap · 04/12/2025 10:36

blobby10 · 04/12/2025 10:26

I used to be very pro death penalty but, mainly thanks to years spent on MN, I am more undecided now. Yes, serial murderers and rapists and definitely all child molesters don't deserve to live but then the line gets very blurred. If you say all murderers should die then what about the DV victim who killed their abuser accidentally or in self defense? What about the motorist who through making a mistake like all drivers do at some point, ended up causing an accident when another person was killed?
And if we say all child molesters does that include men/women over 18 who embark on a sexual relationship with 15-17 year old? Technically still a child but way more adult than I was at that age in the 80s.
My mother used to say that to kill someone under the death penalty makes someone else a murderer but I think that in this day and age with so much technology around it should be possible to draw up a random program so that the computer presses the 'kill' button rather than a human
All men who commit rape or sexual assault, especially those who abuse children should have their penis removed. Yes they can live with a bloody catheter for ever and I know their 'urges' will never go away but at least they won't have a tool to use. And if they persist cut off their hands!

There can be no technical solution that would remove people from an execution. When if it's machine that delivers the execution method, people will still be needed to restrain the prisoner, move them to the execution chamber etc. And even if there was no human intervention, do you really want something built that can kill autonomously?

Rosealea · 04/12/2025 10:41

Because it's inhumane and mistakes do happen

Lazygardener · 04/12/2025 10:43

Because we are not savages.

SerendipityJane · 04/12/2025 10:47

If the death penalty "worked" (it doesn't) then no one would ever murder anyone else. (Although I leave this space here > < for someone to try and pretend they have some statistical insight that shows no one was ever murdered in Britain before 1965 when we did have the death penalty).

When you agree it's no deterrent that wanting to see it enacted isn't about some regretful necessity, but a rather more unpleasant venom soaked triumph of humankinds baser instincts.

There is also a staggeringly naive bordering on thick delusion that the UK legal system is somehow perfect and free from bias. A totally hypocritical delusion where people who in any other thread would have (or have been) whining about "two tier justice" are able to forget that for a minute in their supposedly fashionable bloodlust.

We should already be well aware of how the justice system treats people depending on race and social status. Why in the name of all that is holy would someone who claims to be interested in justice (spoiler alert, no one who wants to kill prisoners is, they're all about the rope) want to add capital punishment to that mix.

If people are so desperate to see people killed, then they are always free to emigrate to Saudi Arabia (or similar) where if they are really lucky they can get a front row at a beheading and be the last thing the condemned see before their head departs their body. But don't worry - they do put down large plastic sheets to avoid a mess.

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