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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move the kids to a closer school?

99 replies

Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 10:04

When we moved to this house I wanted to move this kids but DH said it was selfish and unfair on the kids as they have so many friends. Even though it’s a 10 minute drive every morning is stressful. We’re always late and always stuck in traffic no matter what time we leave. We live near industrial estates so it’s always busy and always traffic which is gridlocked. I feel like I can’t do it anymore! I keep telling the kids that they will be ok as I moved when I was younger. They won’t have any of it.

OP posts:
Namechangedasouting987 · 03/12/2025 10:06

How old are the DC?
Is it walkable?

pinkdelight · 03/12/2025 10:07

If DH isn’t doing the school run I don’t see how it’s his decision. I mean, I also think it should be possible to set off earlier and be on time, but given that you’re not managing to do this, if it’s viable to move them (as in there are places at decent schools and it won’t disrupt them in a vital school year) then you can do that and it’s easy for them to keep in touch with the other friends as it’s so close. Your DH can facilitate their continuing friendships!

Mandylovescandy · 03/12/2025 10:33

Can you cycle? How old are the DC? Why are you late? Wondering what changes would help and who could make them, i.e could they go to a breakfast club to get there earlier when traffic not so bad or make sure they are fully ready the night before or DH help more...

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 10:38

Can’t walk as it’s 4 miles away would take an hour and a half! We have 3 kids one is at the nursery one at the infant school and one at the junior school. The school around the corner can cater to all of them. We left 10 mins earlier yesterday and still ended up being the last ones in. The mornings are just so stressful.

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 03/12/2025 10:41

I would take the children's lead on this. How do they feel about moving. How do you think they will cope? I moved house and eldest didn't change schools but younger children went to the local school. There were multiple reasons for this but it ended up with a 40 minute round trip with 2 younger in the back just to drive back to my house and walk the youngest to the school across the road. It was a pain in the ass for 3 years but worth it, I think. I know it's hard but most of us do this or similar and it's just a part of parenting.

Unless you have a nursery drop I don't see why you are always late. Just leave earlier. If there is traffic at all times then you just hit the traffic earlier and hang around for 15 minutes or whatever after you arrive. It will be much better for the children. Or park 10 min walk away and get some fresh air and exercise on the way.

KarmenPQZ · 03/12/2025 10:41

Mornings don’t get less stressful if you move closer to school. The margins just decrease accordingly. Traffic should for the most part be predictable so you should know what time you need to set off to make it most morning. Aim to set off 10 mins before that every single day?

my kids school do a soft start so the gates open at 8.30 for reading and settling in and they don’t do the register til 8.55. Took a few months for me to instil in the kids that they’re definition of late (missing register) is not the same as mine because I have to get to work for 9 after I drop them therefore we’re ‘late’ if we’re not queueing for the gates to open at 8.28. You just need to move your goalposts.

LadyDanburysHat · 03/12/2025 10:43

You should move them, they will get new friends, who will live closer to them too. Kids are adaptable.

bigsoftcocks · 03/12/2025 10:43

You just need to leave earlier, if they want to stay. There is a time point that you can Leave so they aren’t late.

bridgetreilly · 03/12/2025 10:43

I would move them. While they get to have an opinion, they are children and they are not able to understand all the implications of this kind of choice beyond the immediate, and sometimes you have to be the grown up for them.

Hoppinggreen · 03/12/2025 10:46

When I did the school run I figured out there was a sweet spot to leave where we sat in the car near school for 5 minutes OR we left 5 minutes later, sat in traffic and were rushing to get there in time.
If we left at the later time people would literally pass us walking as we sat in traffic (not people going to the school it was a bit far to walk and up a big hill) so we used to go early and read or chat in the car when we got there
I would say though that if your H isn't doing the school run he doesn't get to decide if its too much or not

KarmenPQZ · 03/12/2025 10:47

Presumably the youngest will start at the local school? How old is the oldest and when is he off to secondary as presumably it’ll all change then anyway? Would it help him making some local friends that he’ll go to secondary with?

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 11:06

LadyDanburysHat · 03/12/2025 10:43

You should move them, they will get new friends, who will live closer to them too. Kids are adaptable.

This is another thing! I want them to have friends nearby.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 03/12/2025 11:08

No I wouldn't. They've made their opinion clear and it's a big change for them specially when they are happy where they are.

Namechangedasouting987 · 03/12/2025 11:10

At those ages i would just move them. They will be fine.

waterrat · 03/12/2025 11:11

Move them. They will transition easily if their old school isn't so far anyway - they can still see those friends. YOu have nursery and infant children! They will settle in days.

Living on the same street as our primary was amazing for community and friendships.

OhDear111 · 03/12/2025 11:13

10 minutes is stressful?! I used to do 35 minutes - 10-15 minutes queuing! Let them have their friends and the enjoyment of their school. You just have to be organised. 4 miles and 10 minutes is nothing!

ApartFromAllThat · 03/12/2025 11:14

If it was 30 minutes plus I'd understand it been a bit of an issue, a ten minute drive doesn't seem like it should be an issue if they are settled and happy in decent school. You want to swap that for a 5 minute drive and potentially lots of issues, eh nah.

Thechaseison71 · 03/12/2025 11:15

Tink3rbell30 · 03/12/2025 11:08

No I wouldn't. They've made their opinion clear and it's a big change for them specially when they are happy where they are.

2 of them are under 7. Since when did small children call the shots.

LadyDanburysHat · 03/12/2025 11:16

OhDear111 · 03/12/2025 11:13

10 minutes is stressful?! I used to do 35 minutes - 10-15 minutes queuing! Let them have their friends and the enjoyment of their school. You just have to be organised. 4 miles and 10 minutes is nothing!

I have said to move them, because why drive when you can walk, but I do agree with this. I used to drive 8 miles every day with mine.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 03/12/2025 11:16

As a child who went to a gazillion schools, I would say don't move them. It's a 10 minute drive?

Leave earlier.

averythinline · 03/12/2025 11:18

At those ages i would move them.. will it impact secondary school for the one in juniors? If yes and they are yr5 i would wait otherwse move ... Gives them time to get local school friends and you can see others after school/weekends...
Its not really the children's choice... They especially the younger ones won't really understand the choice....
It's the family benefit and less stressful shorter journeys are a massive benefit...

NewYearNewJob2024 · 03/12/2025 11:18

Move them!

redskydelight · 03/12/2025 11:18

How old is the junior age child? If Year 5 or 6 I'd maybe put up with it until they leave but try to move the younger two.

You don't mention how the schools compare - it would worry me that a school has 3 spaces immediately available in 3 different age groups.

I think, in terms of the drive you just need to leave earlier. There will be a "sweet spot" where you miss all the traffic. Or, if this leaves you with lots of time, consider parking, say some distance away and walking the last bit, particularly if it helps you to avoid traffic.

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 11:22

Thanks! I’m going to just do it. I have my own mental health issues I’m dealing with too. So it may seem like nothing to someone but cutting out that chaos in the morning will improve things.

OP posts:
GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 03/12/2025 11:26

I can see both sides to this one .
You want to stop depending on the car every morning and the kids to make local friends. That's more than reasonable.

However, they are settled and happy and not on board with the move, so you'd be taking a bit of a risk.
It's also hard to understand how a 10 minute drive can't be organised to be less stressful? I think a PP made a good point about aiming to arrive too early instead of on time. Is this doable?