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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move the kids to a closer school?

99 replies

Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 10:04

When we moved to this house I wanted to move this kids but DH said it was selfish and unfair on the kids as they have so many friends. Even though it’s a 10 minute drive every morning is stressful. We’re always late and always stuck in traffic no matter what time we leave. We live near industrial estates so it’s always busy and always traffic which is gridlocked. I feel like I can’t do it anymore! I keep telling the kids that they will be ok as I moved when I was younger. They won’t have any of it.

OP posts:
FancyCatSlave · 03/12/2025 11:27

I don’t think the difference is worth the upheaval on kids, 10 mins drive is absolutely nothing and no less stressful than a 10 min walk.

I’ll be doing a 20 min drive when I move but wouldn’t entertain disruption to my child for that. I currently live a 90 second walk from school and still often late. I’m shit at mornings.

Alliod40 · 03/12/2025 11:35

I moved a whole country when my girls were 13 and 11,I had 2 very small girls 2 but it didn't matter 2 them..the 11 year old was not keen at all..we moved ..they started in secondary school in Ireland made new friends and everything was good..they had to walk 15 minutes out in the country for a bus to school,from living few minutes from school in uk..they survived..now 29 27 married families if they're own..go for it xx

ShizIsWicked · 03/12/2025 11:36

Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 11:22

Thanks! I’m going to just do it. I have my own mental health issues I’m dealing with too. So it may seem like nothing to someone but cutting out that chaos in the morning will improve things.

Ok, I read everything earlier and felt most people had a point albeit some of them could manage their delivery a little different. My oldest is on her 4th primary school, youngest on her 3rd. Honestly they take my lead, change is an exciting opportunity.

BUT

After reading this comment, you really need to ignore everyone on here. If you are dealing with mental health concerns, you are not in a position to take peoples differing opinions. I would, in your case, move the kids sell it as a fun challenge, the older one gets independence to walk to school, then you just sort the younger ones and WALK (helps clear the head). Point out to DH you are struggling and that if there is snow, ice, broken down car kids aren't getting to school. And make an appointment with your GP for help and go have a coffee with a friend. NOTHING is more important to your children than your wellbeing.

Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself! In fact, call someone for a coffee break and share with them.

Pistachiocake · 03/12/2025 11:43

I'd weigh up things like if any family/friends are involved in childcare, or potentially could be, before deciding, plus where/when you and any other people potentially involved in childcare might be working in the next few years. One of the primaries I could have used, while very close to another one, would have been a nightmare in terms of getting back on the main road in time to get to work, and had parking issues. If someone has a job with more flexible starts/wfh/in a different location, then it might be ok for them. Some of these things aren't obvious until you actually see what it's like around a particular school in the morning, so maybe look at the schools you're considering, and some might be relevant to some people and not others.

RobinTheRed · 03/12/2025 11:49

I would move them and I say that as someone who moved house early for an incredible secondary and had a 12 minute drive or 45 minute walk to their old amazing primary school. However, I was also a sahm so any traffic issues did not impact me getting to work.

If you move them now they have chance to make new friends before the oldest moves up to secondary. You can walk when it snows rather than risking them in a car. They will have friends who live close by or that you walk home with. I used to do all of that before I moved house.

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/12/2025 12:07

If you move closer, you will still have to work out the appropriate time to leave the house.

Justploddingonandon · 03/12/2025 12:13

Move them, at that age children adapt quickly (unless oldest is year 6, in which case I'd wait and move them in September) and walking to school is so much less stressful. Also while DS (then age 7) had a few wobbles to start, he soon loved having local friends. And the biggest difference was that when he got to year 6 he could walk himself (he didn't often as I still had to get DD but she's counting down until she's in year 6 and can).

caramac04 · 03/12/2025 12:14

They are still very young with lots of time to make new friends who live nearer.
Better for them to walk and better for the environment.
Who wants to be stuck in a car unnecessarily?

Lamentingalways · 03/12/2025 12:21

Kids aren’t adaptable. They’re just not old enough to show you how upset they are. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to move your children to a closer school but your husband has made it impossible for you now. If they’re unhappy when you move them (of course they will be initially) then you’re just going to hear from him how much he was against it. Get him to do the school run for a while, maybe you’re going to be really ill for a while?

Bluedenimdoglover · 03/12/2025 12:23

Maybe persevere up until next summer holidays and in the meantime try to meet up with other mothers and children locally. If they have friends close by any potential school move would be easier.
As for being late, 15 minutes earlier start should solve that problem.

NikNak321 · 03/12/2025 12:27

Gosh they are all primary and younger. I would put my foot down. Kids at that age in particular are adaptable. They will all have a new best friend at the end of week one at the new school. A 4 mile trip is practically another town and that's two return trips a day for you. If your hubby doesn't get on board...let him do the school runs. Kids at that age don't have capacity to make a rounded unbiased decision. You consider their feelings of course, but your the decision maker 👌. I moved my eldest school at 7... absolutely fine and it's actually more resilient...he can make a friend in 5 seconds flat anywhere you take him. Moving schools, jobs, relationships...it's life. It won't hurt them as long as it's not a frequent occurrence 👌

minipie · 03/12/2025 12:31

At those ages a move shouldn’t be a big deal. They can still see their old school friends at weekends presumably.

Don’t just look at journey though. What are the other pros and cons of the two schools? Are you sure the new school is just as good or better?

I would also look ahead to secondary. What secondary do you want them to go to? Do the two primaries tend to lead to different secondary schools?

Meadowfinch · 03/12/2025 12:33

So leave 15 or 20 mins earlier.

Your dcs have already said what they want, they are happy and settled, and they want to stay with their friends.. I don't see the issue.

usedtobeaylis · 03/12/2025 12:35

Do they all currently go to different places? I can imagine that would add to the stress. What will happen when they go to high school?

It sounds like you know what the best option is and honestly if their dad isn't doing the school runs I don't think he gets to force you to handle what is obviously a stressful situation every morning.

Will moving them actually improve it?

usedtobeaylis · 03/12/2025 12:38

Lamentingalways · 03/12/2025 12:21

Kids aren’t adaptable. They’re just not old enough to show you how upset they are. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to move your children to a closer school but your husband has made it impossible for you now. If they’re unhappy when you move them (of course they will be initially) then you’re just going to hear from him how much he was against it. Get him to do the school run for a while, maybe you’re going to be really ill for a while?

Of course they are, and I say that as someone who moved house and schools twice before I was 10. Obviously it helps to try to make it as painless as possible but it's not the end of the world.

Celestialmoods · 03/12/2025 12:56

It seems very selfish to put your children through the upheaval of moving just so that your own mornings are less stressful. Some children move easily, others struggle to replace the friendships they had and hate being made to be the new child. If you don’t need to move them for their own benefit, then leave them where they are. Primary school doesn’t last forever, and they can make local friends by playing out or doing local groups like scouts.

Jojo890000 · 03/12/2025 14:58

Uprooting the kids is out of order. If your husband feels so strongly about them staying then maybe get him to help more

OhDear111 · 03/12/2025 15:22

@Notaperfectmom So it’s all about you then. You are taking out your issues on dc. They won’t like you for it.

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 15:27

OhDear111 · 03/12/2025 15:22

@Notaperfectmom So it’s all about you then. You are taking out your issues on dc. They won’t like you for it.

That’s really a lovely comment! As I stated before I am struggling terribly at the moment with my mental health I am just trying to keep my self alive for my children. ADHD&PMDD a blood disorder that makes it unbearable to move most days and anxiety and depression. The mornings are stressful 3 school runs no where to park, gridlocked traffic. It’s never about me it’s about my whole family. If I can walk my children to school in five minutes instead of all that stress and anxiety it’s the best thing for all of us. But thank you for making me feel shittier than I already do.

OP posts:
HamptonPlace · 03/12/2025 15:41

Notaperfectmom · 03/12/2025 10:38

Can’t walk as it’s 4 miles away would take an hour and a half! We have 3 kids one is at the nursery one at the infant school and one at the junior school. The school around the corner can cater to all of them. We left 10 mins earlier yesterday and still ended up being the last ones in. The mornings are just so stressful.

leave another 5 minutes earlier? I moved age 10 and has effected my whole life (there is more to it than that though of course..)

HamptonPlace · 03/12/2025 15:43

LadyDanburysHat · 03/12/2025 10:43

You should move them, they will get new friends, who will live closer to them too. Kids are adaptable.

depends on the child

HamptonPlace · 03/12/2025 15:46

Namechangedasouting987 · 03/12/2025 11:10

At those ages i would just move them. They will be fine.

most children might be fine, not that you would necessarily know 'til afterwards. Some might benefit depending on the relative merits of the school for each child. I wouldn't change schools just to slightly reduce the parent's(parents') schedule consequences to the children be damn'd...

HamptonPlace · 03/12/2025 15:52

ShizIsWicked · 03/12/2025 11:36

Ok, I read everything earlier and felt most people had a point albeit some of them could manage their delivery a little different. My oldest is on her 4th primary school, youngest on her 3rd. Honestly they take my lead, change is an exciting opportunity.

BUT

After reading this comment, you really need to ignore everyone on here. If you are dealing with mental health concerns, you are not in a position to take peoples differing opinions. I would, in your case, move the kids sell it as a fun challenge, the older one gets independence to walk to school, then you just sort the younger ones and WALK (helps clear the head). Point out to DH you are struggling and that if there is snow, ice, broken down car kids aren't getting to school. And make an appointment with your GP for help and go have a coffee with a friend. NOTHING is more important to your children than your wellbeing.

Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself! In fact, call someone for a coffee break and share with them.

Show quote history

ignore everyone <<except you>>? 🤔Agreed 100% re parents' wellbeing's impact upon children, but there is a calculation to be done, with the childrens' net interest being the fundamental concern...

Terfarina · 03/12/2025 15:55

IMO it depends on:

  • the age of the oldest child - moving during year six would suck
  • the quality of the school you intend moving them to - have you & they viewed it to see if it would be a good fit for them as individuals?
  • any impact on secondary school options
  • do they have friends at the proposed school already? I moved my son between years 5&6 and he was thrilled as he was moving somewhere he had really good friends already
  • what the children are like - how resilient are they and what impact is there likely to be on their mental health
  • it should not be up to the kids to decide which school they go to but it very definitely should be the thing that is in their best interests. I moved my daughter to a secondary school for year 7 where she knew no one (all her friends went to a different school) and she hated me at the time but fairly quickly agreed it was by far more suited to her
  • is there a halfway option - eg nursery & infant local and primary remain where s/he is if you think that would be in the best interests of the children?
Lamentingalways · 03/12/2025 15:55

usedtobeaylis · 03/12/2025 12:38

Of course they are, and I say that as someone who moved house and schools twice before I was 10. Obviously it helps to try to make it as painless as possible but it's not the end of the world.

Show quote history

I disagree and am speaking from my own experiences, that’s why forums are good you get different opinions. It wouldn’t be much good to anyone if we all just had a blanket response and had the same opinions and life experiences.