To move the kids to a closer school?

[Notaperfectmom]

When we moved to this house I wanted to move this kids but DH said it was selfish and unfair on the kids as they have so many friends. Even though it’s a 10 minute drive every morning is stressful. We’re always late and always stuck in traffic no matter what time we leave. We live near industrial estates so it’s always busy and always traffic which is gridlocked. I feel like I can’t do it anymore! I keep telling the kids that they will be ok as I moved when I was younger. They won’t have any of it.

Which is the best school? If you’re seriously making a 10 minute journey a bigger factor in your decision making than the relative quality of the schools in question then I feel very sorry for your children.

What time do you leave? Can’t you just leave 15 minutes earlier? Just get up earlier?

Agree that it’s to do with the organisation. Sounds like you just need to leave earlier to miss the traffic.

how old is your eldest child OP? And do you work?

I would move them, they'll be fine! There will be an adjustment period but it'll pass and your life will be so much less stressful. We moved halfway across the country when my DC were in nursery and year 2. My youngest couldn't get a nursery place initially anywhere so was at home for a bit, then got one, but ended up at a different primary school. My eldest got a place for two terms at one school then started year 3 in the school her sibling was starting reception in. It was ok! We could walk to school, they, and me, made local friends. I promise they will be ok. Good luck! You can do this! xx

How old are dc? Get better organised and leave earlier. Nursery dc don’t have friends. Y3 upwards do.

School around the corner is a no brainer - that's the ideal set-up. They'll adjust.

Good God … move them!!! You have years of this still to go!! They’ll be fine, moved my daughter and son to a new school after lockdown, she was year 4 and was 100% fine … maybe even happier! Son was in reception.

Yeah she does … so what. It’s personal choice. I think you’re stupid for driving 30 minutes for a school run … but that’s your choice! 🤷🏻‍♀️ Here’s your medal 🥇

"so what"? OP is concerned about the impact her 'personal choice' is going to have on her DC. She is not selfishly wanting to think about just herself, but wanting to know what the benefit to her children of their mother being less stressed etc, plus any benefits moving school might have in terms of commuting for them, local friends etc. Being a responsible parent involves putting the childrens' interests first, do you not agree?

It isn't clear how old your eldest is, but if they are year 6 (or maybe even year 5) I wouldn't want to move them as they will be settled in their school and even though you want them to make friends closer is there not the possibility they will all go to the same secondary school anyway.

As others suggest, leave a little earlier to drop off. I agree with moving the younger ones but this could mean doing two school runs. I have known people do this though who were in a similar situation and wanting to get the eldest through.

No, not always … it doesn’t. Somethings are necessary for the good of your own health and/or work. Sometimes it is not possible to put the child’s preference first, part of being a parent is making the difficult decisions.

Yes difficult decisions indeed. Child should be first, not child’s preference. They are children..

That’s what I said.

Hi i don’t think it’s a semantic difference, but I didn’t suggest children’s preference should be disregarded, nor should it be necessarily the factor on which the greatest weight is placed (which was what I took it you were disputing, I could be wrong). But certainly the child’s interest is primary, everything else is a factor to be considered with the maximisation of that interest as much as is possible (by whatever ‘algorithmic’ (impossible!) process).

🤣🤣🤣 is this a copy and paste fromChatGPT by any chance?!? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it depends on their ages and how good the new school is and what happens for secondary etc. How many years of primary does oldest have left?

Can you physically do the oldest to the old school and the younger ones to the new school?

You've got another 6 years presumably at least of this school run if your youngest is still nursery age. I’d move them to the closest school for reception and the middle one at the same time. The oldest it depends which year they’re in and what secondary they’ll go to.

Mornings are also stressful walking, but not having to worry about parking does make a huge difference. Plus I think it’s nice for kids to have school friends living close by

definitely not! i did try using it for a law exam revision once, it was excellent at producing very plausible arguments using entirely fictive case law 😂

Do it OP, your health is important.
Is your arsehole husband any help or just good at guilting you?
Long term having friends in the area will be great.
Do it.
Mind yourself.
Ashwagandha and B vitamins can give a boost to your nervous system and help with stress.

This was completely unnecessary!

You cannot pour from an empty vessel and sometimes, as a parent, we need to put our own needs front and foremost to protect our physical and mental health. We can care for no one from a hospital bed (or a coffin)

Theres absolutely no need to kick someone when they are down, you have no idea how bad this woman’s mental health is and obviously do not care that your comment could have been enough to tip her over the edge.

Okay what about secondary? Do they have any chance of going to the same one as their present friends?
Or will they be separated then anyway?

I’d be inclined to change them if the schools are equal.

Oh.. Nope.

If something, the move will give them, at least the younger two a chance for lasting friendships.

The chance for lasting friendships increases with close to ideal conditions, like being able to meet during holidays, families getting to know each other, being able to meet after school without heavy or later any parental support...

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I'd say move them.
Time the move based on what it means for the oldest and their secondary school (it might be better to move them now, so when the move to secondary comes they will already be part of the new group moving together, or staying for a few months to be in the right feeder school).

Is it usual for all the primary kids to go to the same secondary school then? In my kids schools they year 6 s were spread about at least 3 secondary schools ( even for for those that got a grammar place)

My eldest moved up to same secondary as her friends but the 6 of them were in 4 different form groups. By Xmas of yar 7 they were all in new friendship groups

I think it depends on area. But even in your example, where the children were spread across 3 secondary schools that's still a decent number of children in each school (unless the year group is teeny tiny). Whereas, again depending on area, if OP's DCs stay at the current school they might be the only child from their primary going to a given secondary school. I agree that children are likely to make new friends in Year 7*, but for most children, having a few familiar faces around can definitely ease the transition in the first few weeks or so.

Year 6 ranged from 16 kids to 30.

My 2nd dc was the only one who went to her secondary school. The third went with one otherchild