To move the kids to a closer school?

[Notaperfectmom]

When we moved to this house I wanted to move this kids but DH said it was selfish and unfair on the kids as they have so many friends. Even though it’s a 10 minute drive every morning is stressful. We’re always late and always stuck in traffic no matter what time we leave. We live near industrial estates so it’s always busy and always traffic which is gridlocked. I feel like I can’t do it anymore! I keep telling the kids that they will be ok as I moved when I was younger. They won’t have any of it.

If you moved to closer schools you could still end up being rushed, i think its the organisation in the morning that's an issue. 10minutes in the car is nothing, when opened thread thought it was going to be an hour drive or something like that.

i didn't... not for many years, was very happy with lots and lots of friends in my previous school. VERY happy.. Not very adaptable, ad it turned out (my 2 siblings, 1 older, 1 younger, were however, but wouldn't (I think) have been possible to know beforehand that this would turn out to be the case..)

well you were, so you tell us, a sample size of one is not a great basis on which to make such the OP's decision..

It can be. In my case it wasn't so much the 10 minutes, but that it crept to 15minutes+ in rush hour, then add in the slightest disruption and it could easily be half an hour. Then factor in that you had to get there 20-30minutes before they opened the gate to stand any chance of parking. Before someone suggests it parking further away didn't work because there were 5 schools within a few streets of each other, not actually that uncommon for London, no I don't know why they all had so many people driving to drop off. Like I say DS was reluctant at first, but settled quickly and even at 7 appreciated the extra time in bed.

Blimey. It takes 45 minutes to get to my daughter's school on a day when everything is perfect. We routinely allow 90 minutes as this rarely happens. This is usually fine but we do have the odd 2hr+ journeys if there's been an accident or something.

I’d move them, especially if it means you can walk instead of driving. You’re the one responsible for the school run so ultimately it is your choice.

Is it actually a 10 minute drive? Surely if you know there's always traffic you know it's actually going to take 15 minutes or whatever? You need to leave for the time it takes, not the time it should take if you went when there was no traffic.

It's very little time though OP, I know people who take their kids over an hour away because they don't want them to have to move schools. Not all kids make friends easily, I didn't and on top of that it's well known that moving schools puts kids back academically as it often takes them a couple of months to adjust.

I would have hated to have to move as a child and I would not have moved mine.

OP we lived all over the world. Kids moved schools a lot. We didn't want to go down the boarding school route which a lot of friends did. They survived. More than survived. They have all grown into well balanced independent adults. As long as you have a close, happy family unit - that is what is important.

I moved my daughter to a nearer school for the same reason as you (awful, stressful drive). Best decision ever, she was much happier at the new school, and was able to walk in year 6 with friends, which she loved. She’s now at the secondary school near us, and has lots of friends there from her primary school.

@Luna6 You decided not to give them the chance to make lasting friendships. My DDs have loads of friends from school built up over years. We are family of course but their lives have been enriched by long friendships with school friends. Depends on dc of course but ale dc hate moving around when they like where they are. Also it wasn’t for the sake of 10 mins in your case. I’m in a village with no school. 10 mins is nearest and many drive much further as I did for dd2.

Thinking about it my DD1 moved school at the age of almost 7. Simply because it was an INFANT school so went from reception to year 2. Then all the kids dispersed to different schools.

They all managed

Could you move the younger two, put the older one in breakfast club (if available) so the journey is less stressful. The younger ones will adapt quickly but it goes get harder the older they are- especially with hormones! Or get hubby to do the morning run if he feels it’s selfish to move them? 🤭

I would look at the bigger picture such as secondary school. How do the feeder schools for the two compare? Being in the feeder school and living in catchment is important as if you are just at the feeder school you might not get in.

Don't underestimate how important socially it is for a 10 year old to gain independence such as walking to school on own, or hanging out with a friend who is just a walk away. This will benefit when they go to secondary as a group can walk together.

Move them. Also have you looked at secondaries? For ours you have to be in the catchment and in a feeder school to get in. Lots of people who move out of catchment find their kids don't get into the same secondary as the rest of class. PS Walk to school or drive and stress there is no competition. My youngest is now Yr6 and has been walking herself since Yr4!

@Yellowsubmarine55 Lots of dc live in small towns or villages with no secondary school! Walking to school just doesn’t happen for these dc. Some won’t even like who they should walk with! Being dropped off is normal in many rural areas or they get the school bus. Walking is over egged on MN. Plus it’s a chance for bullying and bad behaviour.

Yes, ignore me, get off this site. Have you seen the negativity a person that clearly needs support is getting? And "Net interest"? How on earth do you calculate that? Physical wellbeing and mental wellbeing are 2 very different things! I am so glad your life is simplistic enough that you can make equations like these. You are one of the lucky few.

I would move them - although I struggling with the maths of a 10 minute drive being a 90 minute walk. They are children, you are the adult for a reason. They will make new friends and will also be more likely to have friends who live near them. As they get older, this will be far more important, especially when they are able to go to and from school by themselves. By the sound of it, you will need to do that school run until they leave for secondary.

Not simple at all! That is what i was trying to highlight! With, say a pregnancy, mother real person - interest’s first; children their priorities should become first (as they do in family law, for example). It is NOT at all easy, as you correctly point out- totally agree- children’s’ welfare is v much contingent upon parents .. not simple.

Fewer cars on our roads ferrying kids around, the better for the rest of us

Ignore this comment. You're doing great and your 100% correct, it'll be better for the whole family. In things like this, I think you can go ahead even if the kids don't necessarily agree. It's not their call. They'll make friends and be just fine. Actually good for them to learn that making new friends is possible- it's a learnt skill. Good luck!

To be honest at their age I would be tempted to move them, you have moved and things have changed. Unless their old school is offering something special then I would make life easier for all of you. Four miles can be a nightmare in rush hour traffic. Although you may worry about their friendship groups they will be together and will soon settle and make new friends. All these friendship groups seem significant at the time but when they start secondary school the friendship dynamics will all change possibly more than once. Think about it like when you start a new job you soon settle in with your new colleagues and may even become friends with some of them, although it may seem.strange at first. You may keep in touch with some of your old colleagues for a while and sometimes forever, but eventually that contact usually fades.

I'm with your dh, especially for the one in juniors if he doesn't want to move, but your dh should be helping with this too. I currently do 15 min drive to 1 school and then a 30 min drive to the next, then a 30 min drive home because we moved 1 child and left the other where they were for various reasons exclusively focussed on what they needed and wanted. Ultimately, it is stressful but a) we are organised and b) the children are happy so it is worth it. We get up early, leave extra time, prep everything the night before and plan things super carefully. It's the only way. I absolutely wish I was in the lucky position of stressing about a 4 mile drive that just went to one place. Equally, we all manage things differently, if it's genuinely breaking you, discuss with your dh how you do it together - it shouldn't be just your burden to take. Ideally start the littlest at the new school so you're not doing it for too long.

You want to move your kids school because of a 10 minute drive? Seriously!? Set off earlier! It takes me 30 minutes to take my son to school in the car, sometimes longer in bad traffic

What would happen if your car broke down? It's a question for all the people who drive to schoolsbthrough choice

They make friends very easily and don’t seem to have suffered that they aren’t still friends with people they met in infants school. Their senior school years were more stable and they made good lasting friendships there. More importantly their experiences growing up means they aren’t frightened to step out of their comfort zone of the same group of familiar people.