To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

my thoughts on the increase of SEN is that at this point, in modern society, it's becoming clear the current education model is no longer functional for todays children, and base level alterations need to be made to accommodate more of those SEN in the classroom to make learning more accessible.

Even NT kids can learn well in the environments made more tolerable for ND children.

There are very common adjustments SEN kids need that should be made standard practise.

Sorry, I should have read the full thread. Facts are so important, especially now when people think because they saw something on GB "news" or social media, it's incontrovertible.

The real cost of disability payments is set to double within a decade. Do you really think all of these claimants are severely disabled? Do you think that those parents who spend their kids DLA on getting their nails done (as some on here have readily admitted!) need that money?

I think there are plenty of recipients of disability related benefits are taking money they don’t need to fund their lifestyle. This needs to be curtailed to give better funding to those in a situation such as yours.

That's what you took from this?

My DC has invisible disabilities. A lot of people don't see them. When they are medicated, they are also less obvious.

For these invisible disabilities, I spend over £600 a month. I'm sure if you saw me, you'd say we were undeserving of DLA (although our DLA amount is less and doesn't cover even half of the costs). But you don't see the reality so you sit in judgement.

I'm very very lucky that I can work from home, because otherwise, in addition to DLA, I would be living totally on benefits, because there is no way I could work outside the home.

But given that A-holes like to judge, maybe I should chuck it all in and just not bother working. Because I get judged anyway, so what is the difference?

I hate that people are being targeted because of a few liars but I am in full support of tightening the restrictions for mobility vehicles.

The restrictions are already very tight, so I am not sure how tighter that you think that they could be. The rate of fraud for people claiming, is very low, as is pointed out on every single thread like this one!

Well a ten year old being on antidepressants is quite unusual and would need more than a seven minute GP appointment
Which is very different to being signed off work as an adult for anxiety the latter alone wouldnt come anywhere close ,to being enough evidence for PIP.

You're assuming her parents want to and will do indefinitely. You're missing the point that it's the individual who claims, not a group of people.

Ableism is terrible, but I agree that it seems to be accepted by some, even those who challenge racism/sexism etc. So many people seem to be annoyed at unfairness, as in certain people qualifying for benefits, when other people who seem to be suffering much more/need more time spent on their needs/have more costly needs get nothing.
This is NOT the fault of other vulnerable people, but the trouble is that because some people seem to get something for nothing (there have been too many articles in social and real media about people joking about taking benefits when they don't really need them), this leads to judgment, and it's awful.
I don't know anyone who would admit to not wanting to work with/date/socialise with any of my family due to skin colour, for example, but some people openly say they'd never date someone who uses a wheelchair, or are make scathing comments about how my niece's face blindness means she sometimes mixes people up, or want dogs banned from public places even though that means those with a disability might not be able to go.
Any one of us could have a disability tomorrow. Even if general decency doesn't make us care, we should all realise we could easily be in that situation.

'High functioning' often - but not always - just seems to mean 'no learning disability'. It really is not as clear cut as people think.

However, would you support a separate 'Aspergers' style diagnosis (maybe not named after a Nazi) because what we call 'high functioning' is such a world away from what we call 'low functioning' and you can still have high needs Aspergers (but with better name)?

What I have noticed is a massive rise in selfish people who do not want anyone to get anything they do not get.

This hits the nail on the head. They believe in 'equality' so they get what everyone has, but don't understand that not everyone comes from an equal place. Kids are born into inequality, but they want everyone to be treated the same. If we dish out everything equally, inequality still exists. They need to learn the difference between equality and equity. What benefits do is try to level the playing field so everyone gets a decent standard of living, so that if a person becomes disabled or someone has to care, it isn't so catastrophic and causes problems that are more costly to the taxpayer down the line.

I agree OP. Sending hugs. The talk about Motability is so black and white, ignoring that some people may need a better model of car for safety or adjustments etc

What an inspiring, mature attitude. You're a great ambassador for the welfare state.

I woukd be quite happy to have a completely different diagnosis for profound autism ,take the autism diagnosis away all together and replace it with a standalone diagnosis imo.

Ridiculous comment.

How I'd give anything to know my child could die before I do.

This resonates with me. Our son is nowhere near as disabled as your boys, but even though he lives semi independently and works part time, he is still vulnerable and and needs a lot of support especially with anything complex or relating to financial matters. As a consequence we are always on standby.

Ain’t that the truth!

So many people, living our average lives and being squeezed financially see others having an easier life…for whatever reason.
I think that has probably been the normal default gripe for many generations.

I remember my mother complaining endlessly she wasn’t permitted to return to work after marriage in the 1950s saying to me “you have it so much easier than me!” when I was working a 40hr week (minimum) and thinking how much easier she had it.

My grandmother stating “be grateful you’re not having to live through 2 world wars and the massive financial depression of the 1920s/1930s.”

There are always going to be people who are resentful of others who have little experience or understanding of what is actually involved in living those lives.

Unlike previous generations, we now have social media to add to the mix.

I wish there were separate diagnoses too. Not sure what my speaking son would get though - I swear he needs a category of his own!

It is ridiculous to post in a forum using pejorative and non-inclusive language, then accuse others of being offensive online.

I am sorry, but I personally would love it, if a mother of a disabled child, who drove her to distraction, went and had her nails done, maybe it is the only time she has to herself, in a nail salon, in peace and quiet. It is such a small thing, hardly a trip to Monaco, that to begrudge it is really really really wrong. In fact, I would not mind if the parent of a disabled child got himself a bottle of the finest brandy with that money too, instead of jumping of a bridge, feeling desperate and cornered in life, I am sorry.

👆 this.
There is a general sense in the country atm of unfairness given many families are struggling with bills. We have unnecessarily got the highest fuel prices in the world. We are driving out entrepreneurs, the bedrock of the economy. We are being taxed to oblivion. People are exasperated and have little compassion left.

We are watching people who have no right to be here invading our country and being treated preferentially above our own.

Our Government doesn’t have our backs, its own citizens.
Above all the British are a fair people and all we see atm is how badly we are being treated by the government, by judges, by the police.

I know its so difficult, the diagnosis is becoming meaningless, imo,becsuse there are so many different presentations.

100% true.

In my opinion the surge has probably happened because that idiot Richard Tice has decided it's the group to target today starting with the ear defender speech, bringing it to peoples attention just like they have done with refugees.
I take my hat off to you and others like you OP, I taught in an SEN school for 23 years and in my time saw the school more than double in size with a huge waiting list. I could go home at the end of the day but the parents and carers of those truly special (in the nicest meaning of the word) children and young adults, do a fantastic job and should be helped in any way possible, it is hard work, with very little respite, those of us not living this life have no right to judge.
Also referring to the number of people of working age who are not working, yes some are just bone idle but I'd argue that the vast majority are not working for other reasons, I myself took early retirement to help my own children by providing childcare for my Grandchildren to allow them to work, it's not as black and white as some think

What an overly simplistic view - such virtue signalling. Yes, of course, if money was no object.. but look at the cost of living, the state of the economy. Many families, who don't claim benefits, are also struggling and in need of occasional luxuries too but cannot have them. Surely the purpose of the benefit system is to pay for essentials and not fine brandy, expensive trips to nail salons.

Yes, you are absolutely right.
Still, my generation was told to just get on, if not downright mocked, even with this serious stuff. Some made it, some truly didn't. That was life.

That sounds incredibly tough OP. I completely understand your frustration at people’s ignorance. Unfortunately though, this type of thread ends up becoming a bun fight about the ‘deserving’ and the ‘undeserving’. Posters rightly feel that people in your position are entitled to all the help they receive. But then they start castigating others whose disabilities are fluctuating or less obvious. You are allowed to either be so disabled that you need help with every area of your life all day every day or to be completely fit and healthy, both mentally and physically. There is nothing in between. People think they know everything about another person’s life. They don’t. Not even when it’s family. I know this from experience.