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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas Alone. Again

125 replies

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:02

There be loads of these posts I am sure.
mine goes like this: been together 2 years. Horrible, horrible year for us both. I miscarried our daughter and recently moved a lot nearer to my SO. It’s been been rubbish. Promises of togetherness never happened or moving in. I’m here alone with my daughter in a strange place. Instead of helping to make this feel different and make it what could be a magical Xmas…I have been informed I am not invited to Xmas Day at his sister and brother in law’s apparently due to capacity. He goes with his elderly parents who he lives with. He knows I’ll be alone for Xmas now. I have no family in the UK. I have been to family gatherings before but I feel like it was only because I was pregnant. He’s wanting us to go away at Twixmas but this has got me in the stomach and really hurt my feelings. After everything I’m left out and excluded. He could have, if it was a numbers things said he would be with me. This is a line in the sand I can’t get past. I hear all his declarations of love but looking at it I spend most my time alone, when he should have be doing seasonal stuff with me. I feel used. Love bombed as I try and walk out the door and he just comes over, breadcrumbs me and disappears. After everything this has hit me hard. He’s the most unsupportive and selfish man I’ve met in a long time. I’m expected to sit here in a bare house I’m still putting together whilst he opens presents under a tree and sits around the family tables without a thought. I didn’t know ppl could be so mean 😢

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 02/12/2025 20:04

Do you have family you could go home to?

Chiseltip · 02/12/2025 20:05

LTB.

BlondeFool · 02/12/2025 20:06

Selfish and unkind. I hope you are dumping him?

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:06

@RampantIvy no sadly not. Mum and dad died when I was 18

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 02/12/2025 20:07

That's truly awful. I'd move back ASAP. At least you are seeing it for exactly what it is. This man does not care about you. I'm so sorry you're being treated like this.

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:08

RampantIvy · 02/12/2025 20:04

Do you have family you could go home to?

I have no family in the UK

From the OP

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:09

@BlondeFool I got to. It’s crap when he says he loves me and wants a future. He thinks I’m stupid. He’s a bit older and I can do better than breadcrumbs. He never takes me out and I sat and was tearful watching couples and families do Xmas shopping and il left out all the time. He keeps it all separated. I know his family and they like me but it was so because I was pregnant and no other reason

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 02/12/2025 20:10

Your partner is not nice to leave you alone at Christmas.

Grumpynan · 02/12/2025 20:12

Instead of being on your own go and check the local church or British legion etc, they are often crying out for people to help on Christmas Day. You will be surprised what a good time you can have. I helped at a shelter a couple of times when in your situation, and enjoyed the day, gave it purpose.

other than that, I’m sorry if his family can’t find a place for you at Christmas I would start packing

AutumnAllTheWay · 02/12/2025 20:13

Don't stay longer to get treated like this.

Run.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/12/2025 20:13

It doesn’t sound like a real relationship, tbh. He’s not giving you anything. Leave, being alone is better than this.

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:17

It's horrible OP, but you're wanting something he's not prepared to give, ie the bare minimum. I think you already know you need to move on to someone who wants to be with you and make you happy, but that doesn't stop it feeling like shit while the story plays out.

When this man is in your distant past you'll look back and think "now that was a shitty Christmas!! Never again!"

caringcarer · 02/12/2025 20:17

After losing g your baby and feeling sad he should b with you comforting you OP. You d serve so much more. I'd be considering if he is worth your love.

Bollihobs · 02/12/2025 20:19

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:08

I have no family in the UK

From the OP

Have to say I read "go home to family" as getting on a plane, not family here in the UK.

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:21

I’m amazed he thinks I’m so stupid to not see it. He must rate himself so much and believes I am the biggest pushover and idiot not to see it. I’ve never experienced anything as strange or cruel. Like, why do it? End it or whatever but this?

OP posts:
CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 02/12/2025 20:22

If you're anywhere near Milton Keynes, you are welcome to come to me. I love hosting and feeding people, and you would be very welcome.

mariemarie2011 · 02/12/2025 20:24

Very similar situation this year. We broke up in may but the 3 years before that were hell. Very selfish. Never included me in anything. Controlled everything. Now I’m 39, no friends and alone at Xmas. I spent my last birthday alone whilst he travelled across the country to watch a football match. But I strangely felt more lonely in the relationship than I do now I’m on my own.

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:24

@CarefullyCuratedFurniture miles away but nice and kind you did that. My aunty in Greece said she’d have us come to her so gonna check flights

OP posts:
Fends · 02/12/2025 20:24

I’d just quietly up and leave. Not a word to him. Fuck him OP. Sounds like you could move anywhere you like

Fends · 02/12/2025 20:25

Mate! Move to Greece 🇬🇷

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:26

@Fends you ain’t wrong. Serious ideas about it. Slip out quiet

OP posts:
CopeNorth · 02/12/2025 20:27

Run. Don’t walk

PeonyPatch · 02/12/2025 20:29

Oh OP - surely you must know that you deserve so, so much better. Let this Christmas provide you with the much needed re-evaluation that this is not the man for you. After a miscarriage as well, no parents or family in the UK, you deserve much love and support… not whatever situationship you come to find yourself now. I would focus on having a lovely day with yourself and your daughter, nice food, movies, Christmas games or walk… and start making a plan in the new year to end your relationship with this man and make a new life for yourself in another area.

much love to you

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:29

@mariemarie2011 yeah that one. Red flags and big signs we need to see. Mate, that’s really crap and sorry you went through this.
my decision is done in my head. Can’t do this over and over and over.

OP posts:
mariemarie2011 · 02/12/2025 20:39

yeah I was done in my head 2 years ago but he made it so difficult to end things. I’d rather be alone than feel like that the rest of my life. So angry at myself i let him waste 3 years of my life. Really hope you get out of there soon. Promise things will be better when you do