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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas Alone. Again

125 replies

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:02

There be loads of these posts I am sure.
mine goes like this: been together 2 years. Horrible, horrible year for us both. I miscarried our daughter and recently moved a lot nearer to my SO. It’s been been rubbish. Promises of togetherness never happened or moving in. I’m here alone with my daughter in a strange place. Instead of helping to make this feel different and make it what could be a magical Xmas…I have been informed I am not invited to Xmas Day at his sister and brother in law’s apparently due to capacity. He goes with his elderly parents who he lives with. He knows I’ll be alone for Xmas now. I have no family in the UK. I have been to family gatherings before but I feel like it was only because I was pregnant. He’s wanting us to go away at Twixmas but this has got me in the stomach and really hurt my feelings. After everything I’m left out and excluded. He could have, if it was a numbers things said he would be with me. This is a line in the sand I can’t get past. I hear all his declarations of love but looking at it I spend most my time alone, when he should have be doing seasonal stuff with me. I feel used. Love bombed as I try and walk out the door and he just comes over, breadcrumbs me and disappears. After everything this has hit me hard. He’s the most unsupportive and selfish man I’ve met in a long time. I’m expected to sit here in a bare house I’m still putting together whilst he opens presents under a tree and sits around the family tables without a thought. I didn’t know ppl could be so mean 😢

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 02/12/2025 20:39

I would use the time between now and Christmas to get ducks in a row and see how I can move somewhere I would be welcome, could you go back to the area you came from?

Then over Christmas I would simply move out, leaving a note saying he has shown you where you are in his priorities, bottom and the relationship is over,

block him on everything and get on with your life

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:40

Bollihobs · 02/12/2025 20:19

Have to say I read "go home to family" as getting on a plane, not family here in the UK.

Yeah, fair point.

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:42

@Vaxtable consider it done, I mean it makes it all clear tbf

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/12/2025 20:44

Why would you move for a man if not in with him? That sounds bonkers. He doesnt care so dont give him any more of your time?

and wtf is twixmas?

Jk987 · 02/12/2025 20:44

He’s treating you like crap. How old is your daughter? Is she his daughter too?
Is it not possible to get a flight to see your family? Or spend Christmas with friends?

Winterwonderwhy · 02/12/2025 20:46

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:21

I’m amazed he thinks I’m so stupid to not see it. He must rate himself so much and believes I am the biggest pushover and idiot not to see it. I’ve never experienced anything as strange or cruel. Like, why do it? End it or whatever but this?

alot happened but it’s ONLY two years. Why would you move closer to him with your child when he still lives with his parents? Really not ok to do that to your child when you knew he had no concrete place or plan for you.
you uprooted your child for a man.. same old story.

Go to Greece, get your head straight and put your child first. No need whatsoever to move her around for a man of only two years

HuskyNew · 02/12/2025 20:46

You need to consider overall situatio.

what sort of life do you want to build for you and your child?
take the loser out of the picture. Where did you move from? Where do you have friends or family?
do you work?

greece sounds like a fab option for Xmas and hopefully some space to breathe & talk to your aunt about a longer term plan

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:47

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/12/2025 20:44

Why would you move for a man if not in with him? That sounds bonkers. He doesnt care so dont give him any more of your time?

and wtf is twixmas?

Edited

Twixmas is the week between Christmas and New Year. I worked that out the first time I heard it, but I hope the fuck that clears it up for you.

Winterwonderwhy · 02/12/2025 20:47

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/12/2025 20:44

Why would you move for a man if not in with him? That sounds bonkers. He doesnt care so dont give him any more of your time?

and wtf is twixmas?

Edited

Exactly! Bad decisions on op’s part. She needs to take responsibility for that. No one forced her to uproot her child to a very uncertain situation.

Blizzardofleaves · 02/12/2025 20:47

You are truly on that plane already! Do not sit and waste another second of your precious life.

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:48

Winterwonderwhy · 02/12/2025 20:47

Exactly! Bad decisions on op’s part. She needs to take responsibility for that. No one forced her to uproot her child to a very uncertain situation.

And the pile on begins....

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/12/2025 20:48

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:47

Twixmas is the week between Christmas and New Year. I worked that out the first time I heard it, but I hope the fuck that clears it up for you.

That is literally Christmas.

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/12/2025 20:49

Yes that's right @CarrierbagsAndPJs

blankcanvas3 · 02/12/2025 20:51

if you’re anywhere near the north west you’d be welcome here! it’s a bit chaotic but better than being alone. leave him!

LBFseBrom · 02/12/2025 20:53

I am sorry, BeZingy. It's hurtful and sad.

However you are not alone, you have your daughter and you can make Christmas really nice for her. It doesn't last long, think on that.

The man is obviously less invested in the relationship than you, whatever protestations he makes. He isn't being fair.

You've taken a big knock but please try and work on your self esteem and be indepndent. You'll feel better if you do - and you'll be more attractive.

Life does go on and we do get over hurts, become older and wiser.

Give your little girl a hug and start thinking about a tree and decorations, never mind him.

2026 could be a good year, a new beginning.

lemonraspberry · 02/12/2025 20:53

He is doing the bare minimum (not even that) to keep you hanging on. Cut your losses and take yourself and your daughter away from this situation and build a better life without this man child dragging you down.

PullTheBricksDown · 02/12/2025 20:54

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/12/2025 20:48

That is literally Christmas.

It is but it's a term you see used a lot, especially by travel industry, hotels etc, to specify that you mean the days between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve / Day.

Getting back to the point, I too want to know if your daughter is his child or not. If not, ditch and move. Whose name is the house in where you are now?

Happyjoe · 02/12/2025 20:55

You can only really judge him on what he does, not what he says and he treats you badly. Get away from him. It is a million miles better alone than with the wrong person. Good luck OP.

CandyCaneKisses · 02/12/2025 20:56

You have your daughter. I’m sure you’ll be so much happier just the two of you than with someone so awful.
End the relationship and get set up with just your child and build friendships and support.

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:56

I made this decision, yes. We made it together and he pulled the table cloth out. It wasn’t a light decision and yeah, maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I wanted a happy ending and to not be alone in the world and I threw my lot in and still go burnt. Maybe it makes me a bad mum. I tried and I didn’t need a kicking whilst I’m holding all the parts of me together and got no one in this world to turn to because let’s fact it I would. I wouldn’t be here. But thanks. I’m out and off. Nice one.

OP posts:
Witheringlights · 02/12/2025 20:58

blankcanvas3 · 02/12/2025 20:51

if you’re anywhere near the north west you’d be welcome here! it’s a bit chaotic but better than being alone. leave him!

What a lovely thing to say and offer 💐

MrsACC · 02/12/2025 20:59

Honey you have got to run! There is not a single doubt that you’re being used here only for when he wants/ needs you. You deserve love, care and adoration from a man, not a selfish man child. You need to go and find your happy, trust me, you will find your happy even if it seems scary to walk away right now, you’ll look back and feel proud for walking away. Sending you lots and lots of love, make the most of Christmas in Greece, find that happy you, go into the new year free 🩷

Vinvertebrate · 02/12/2025 20:59

Throw this one back OP. I’m old and grey now, but as a child it was always just me and DM at Christmas and I have nothing but happy memories.

Witheringlights · 02/12/2025 21:00

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 20:24

@CarefullyCuratedFurniture miles away but nice and kind you did that. My aunty in Greece said she’d have us come to her so gonna check flights

So glad you are doing this op ❤️

BeZingyPeachWriter · 02/12/2025 21:00

Thank you @blankcanvas3 xxxx

OP posts: