That Christmas causes unnecessary pressure to be perfect

[Cattatonic]

Of course people should be able to have the Christmas they want. Am I unreasonable to think it has become a competition and causes so much angst to people who feel pressured to live up to the “perfect” day, be it hosting or gift buying especially parents comparing whose child has the biggest pile or most expensive gift. I don’t remember it ever being like this when my children were growing up.
When we say to people we’re not really into Christmas, they look at you in disbelief.

Where’s the pressure coming from? I don’t feel any?
I imagine it’s from comparing to everyone else.

Don’t. Just do it your way.

I agree @KilkennyCats people are only ever putting pressure on themselves.

If you want something, buy/do it, if not, don't. No-one is making you do it except you. Let other people do what they want - why would you compare yourself with others who like different things?

You're not into Christmas, so you'd no more want to have a big Christmas than you would choose to eat food you don't like.

I dont feel any pressure, maybe because I dont use social media or have any weird school mum fixation so where do you think this pressure comes from

We do what we chose to do ans accept others for what they do

I never participate in the TV advert perfect Christmas.

In fact I hate all the pushing to spend from everyone around me. So these days we are not really doing Christmas (DC are 16& 20) exept for a lovely family meal and a few inexpensive presents for DC)

But I agree, the raise of Social Media does set the expectations of a picture perfect Christmas.

Yes and no - sadly I think you are right, but no because people can make choices which would remove that pressure...

Christmas has a core message which has nothing to do with excess spend - the presents the wise men brought were presents for a king, and to symbolise the journey Jesus had ahead of him - they should never be used as an analogy to buying up the high street / Amazon for children...

The core story is of course about people - God and His people - of love, sacrifice and redemption. So there is a built in 2,000+ year old excuse to chose a different approach to Christmas - to focus on the original story - to take the time to show sacrificial love to others - to family members, to locals who have nowhere to go, or those from abroad, alone over Christmas...

A report in the Telegraph today mentions 1.5million pensioners who will have Christmas along...Age UK said 11 per cent of those polled would eat Christmas dinner by themselves, while five per cent would not see or speak to anyone over the entire day.

So it is an opportunity for anyone to choose a different route - to think of those they can spend time with, those who would appreciate time and involvement more than gifts...

There is no need for Christmas to be expensive therefore in terms of gifts - we have all no doubt seen or heard of children who lose interest by the 3rd or 4th gift - overwhelmed by the numbers and scale of gifts to the point of meltdown - at that point, the gifts have no intrinsic value, the value is simply in the size of the pile - having fewer gifts more thoughtfully selected can go a long way to reducing cost and making it a day of joy where the gifts are played with...

Food doesn't have to be any more expensive than a normal Sunday roast - obviously on MN that means one chicken does a family of 5 for a week - so should easily cope with 10-12 on Christmas day 😄but seriously - it doesn't have to be expensive - a bit of greenery on the table and it looks festive...

So yes - completely agree with you, but the opportunity is there for anyone to choose a different route - and often the reward and outcome is so much greater

Just do your out own thing. Doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks.

They may compare themselves to you but you can just ignore it all.
We don’t do presents anymore and happier for it. It takes all the pressure off.

But just because people have certain things on social media doesn't mean we all have to do it, isnt part of being an intelligent adult mean realising just because you see something doesn't mean you have to copy it?

I removed pressure by not caring it knowing what others do. I am not on social media which helps.

Strange how the voting doesn’t match the comments!
My Christmas is usually pretty much perfect - to me. That’s because all my DC and my parents come and stay. It’s great fun and I love to have everyone together as we’re so spread out in the country.

The food, decor, etc. are nothing like perfect! But they’re not the important thing about Christmas.
I don’t care what anyone else does, nor do I compare myself to them. I certainly don’t feel under any pressure (from where?) to be perfect.

But some people do, because they are gullable and need that gratification.

But that doesn't mean everyone is like it.
As I said, I have never done it and in recent years, we have cut back even more. It's a family day for us.

Sorry I should have been clearer. I don’t feel pressurised myself as I just do my own thing, it’s more an observation from speaking to friends etc.

The perfect Christmas looks different for everyone. Some people’s version of Christmas is my idea of hell.

Where does the pressure come from?

I get you OP. I’ve just read an article about a woman who got mass abuse as she got her kids 2nd hand stuff, & spent hardly anything on them. Unbeeffinlievable! Her kids were happy as they’d got everything that they wanted.

Its their own fault if they put pressure on themselves.

It's only become a competition among people who want it to be a competition.

When I get back to work in January my work colleagues will say "how was your Christmas?" and I'll say "fine thanks". They will have no idea whether it was the most amazing singing and dancing spectacle or whether we just added a few extra vegetables to our normal Sunday roast and didn't bother with any decorations.

Most people I know are like that. A few people on Instagram are not the norm.

I feel it. I don’t use social media so there’s no pressure to prove anything to anyone but myself I suppose.

My childhood Christmases were really crap and I think it stems from this. My mum would always put an artificial tree up with baubles to match the room decor and AFAIK this would always happen when we were at school so we didn’t help. I don’t recall any window lights or decorations beyond this tree which always felt soulless as anything- she probably didn’t let us help because she wanted the baubles to be in the ‘correct’ place. There was never any build up before Christmas either. I can count on one hand how many times I recall watching a Christmas film. We didn’t do many Christmas events in December or anything remarkable.

My mum always, for whatever reason, thought Christmas was about buying us as many gifts as possible. She got into tonnes of debt to provide us with humongous piles of, I’m sorry to say but, tat. Things we never asked for, never ended up using but to her, if we had massive piles this meant a great Christmas. Christmas dinner was always miserable too. Then I’d get shipped off to my Dad’s where I’d get a second round of gifts but no Xmas decor because they’re Jewish and we’d just eat together and watch chicken run.

Now I feel an internal pressure to make sure my DC have the ‘best’ Christmases . This does not mean piles and piles of gifts. It means a real tree which we choose together at a farm, an eclectic mix of random decorations we’ve collected over the years (many made by DC), lots of lights, lots of Christmassy events in December (nothing outrageously expensive) and oodles and oodles of good food, including a special Christmas Eve breakfast. Also baking- lots of baking. Things I just never ever got at Christmas.

Christmas doesn't cause pressure, as you correctly identified in your OP, Christmas has been around without this pressure for ages.

Getting caught up in social media and buying into the idea that your life is a competition to be won puts pressure on Christmas. It's for each individual to manage this themselves. We're adults. Put the phone down, get some perspective. Anyone who feels like this needs to take responsibility for what's made them feel like this way and change their actions accordingly.

I'd agree there is more keep up with the Jones pressure.

Random stuff like, fancy advent calanders, Elf on the Shelf, and Christmas Eve boxes are just more 'wife work'.
Christmas jumpers, bedding and pjs. All just more stuff to spend money on and organise.

Christmas was simpler, advent calenders were a count down with a wee door and a picture. If you were lucky you got a Santa pull the string his arms and legs moved!!!

Ceefax advent calender - hit the reveal button was the height of 80s excitment and technology.

Elf on Shelf didn't exist, no fielding questions why have we not got an Elf?
Toy advent calanders more money and stimulation.
Christmas Eve boxes - do folk not keep hot chocolate in the cupboard?

I have felt under pressure at times - the first time we took over cooking for everyone from MIL....

But now, it's a big meal, it'll be nice to see everyone - they are all grown up and just want money for presents. I'm looking forward to some time off between Christmas and New Year which will be spent dog walking and chilling - and hopefully the weather will be good. We don't have visitors this year so no one staying with us - which means it'll be a bit more chilled but hopefully not too dull!

Christmas jumpers is more a school thing, they have the day at school and nobody wants their kid to feel left out. I always buy my DC’s on Vinted then re-sell the following year so they’re not wasted. Plus I make them wear them for all December events so they get their use out of it!

We do the elf on the shelf but I was one of the earliest in the UK to adopt this, around 12 years ago. I didn’t realise it would take off as it has. I never do anything bonkers with it, it does things like today- tipping a cereal box over to dive into it.

As for the Christmas Eve boxes, I do this too but again, it’s just Christmas pjs and socks and some chocolate coins so nothing crazy. These things don’t need to be much work or expense.

If you watch tv adverts, or read glossy home type magazines, it will all be there. The perfect 8ft Christmas tree, perfectly decorated. Good looking Husband, and children sitting nicely around a big table, laden with delightful food. Have you never seen this type of thing?

I was going to say any ‘pressure’ is self-inflicted, but I dare say a lot of it is down to Instagram, and feeling the need to post pics of ‘piles of presents’ etc.

I don’t feel the pressure - I don’t use social media so don’t compare with others, I also avoid telling people our Christmas plans etc and keep things vague because people can be judgy so I avoid the pressure that way too,. I have only hosted wider family once on Christmas Day and they were so whingey and ungrateful I vowed never to do it again, and haven’t, so feel no pressure there. We always have Christmas just us and our young children and do everything at our own pace.

The only small amount of pressure I did feel was the focus on all of the Christmas food during the Christmas period and everyone’s expectations. We all went down with covid a few Christmases ago and lost our taste temporarily for the whole Christmas period, so from that Christmas on we have eaten festive food daily during November and December and have a variation on a Christmas dinner every Sunday of December, so I don’t even feel the pressure there anymore.

I think the key to not feeling pressure is to learn from your mistakes - if something makes you feel uncomfortable or pressured don’t do it again the following year. IMO people create the pressure for themselves.

Personally I find that I can ignore what other people are doing quite easily. It's the things like getting less sleep that I struggle with and trying to find Christmas decorations that won't be pulled down by either the dc or the cats. Also I am rubbish at wrapping presents.

Yes, usually filmed at some beautiful Georgian ex rectory in June!

Years ago now, but I still remember one such glossy mag article about someone’s ‘perfect’ Christmas in one such home - ‘….everyone goes to the linhay for present opening.’

How can you ever hope to have a perfect Christmas if you haven’t got a linhay? 🤣🤣