That Christmas causes unnecessary pressure to be perfect

[Cattatonic]

Of course people should be able to have the Christmas they want. Am I unreasonable to think it has become a competition and causes so much angst to people who feel pressured to live up to the “perfect” day, be it hosting or gift buying especially parents comparing whose child has the biggest pile or most expensive gift. I don’t remember it ever being like this when my children were growing up.
When we say to people we’re not really into Christmas, they look at you in disbelief.

What's a linhay?

What pressure?

Well, yes, but I don’t feel pressured by it because it’s so obviously fake!

🙄

I think that a lot of pressure comes from time pressure. E.g if you and your child/ children are involved in different groups they all do/ require something EXTRA for Christmas and lots of extras do add up.

Yes you can say : just skip it/ do it your way etc. but it’s not always possible e.g I can’t cut DD’s clubs events .

Good for you, many people are not able to go against certain expectations around Christmas. Have you never seen any threads, where the OP really does not want to do presents for Adults anymore, and seems unable to make those wishes be fulfilled because of moaning from other Adults in the Family? I have! Just wait a while, and the threads by mostly Women, who are for the most part, already run ragged, will appear, stressed out about Christmas!

People put pressure on themselves.
If you don't want to make a big deal out of Christmas you don't have to.
Of course, a lot of it comes down to advertising and presenting images of a perfect Christmas in order to sell more stuff but you don't have to do that if you don't want to.

If people allow themselves to feel pressure about the perfect day, that’s on them. It’s a choice to feel like that, equally they could choose to do what suits them and their circumstances.

We do lots of Christmas themed things and spend a lot, but we only do the bits that make us happy and everyone else can like it or lump it! I’ve never been one to care what others think.

But its just something else to do and think about even if its not lots of money.

Jumpers lots of offices do them too and people don't want to wear the same one twice etc etc.

Parents are busy, being taxis services, without the additional pressure of Elfs, jumpers, Christmas Eve boxes, and any other nonsense.

Even Christmas stockings have changed, they used to be an actual sock, like a girls knee high white sock, or maybe Dads football sock, it fitted a tangeriene, a fancy rubber & pencil, maybe some other wee toy like a bouncy ball and Chocolate coins.
Now stockings are like sacks that fit tons and need 'stuff' to fill them.

Only if you buy into it. I don't care what anyone else does and I don't feel any pressure to be perfect.
As long as my children are happy and we have so e fun together, I've done my.job.

I can see how it would be very easy to get sucked into all the pressure but it's also pretty easy to rise above it if you choose to.

If you don't want to do presents for adults then stop buying them, or just buy a bottle of wine/box of chocolates that doesn't require much effort. Tell (don't ask) people in advance that this is what you are doing.

If adults in the family are impolite enough to moan, I suspect they are not family members that you are spending a lot of time with so does it matter?

Maybe the OP should be "AIBU to think that many adults have had upbringings that now mean they feel obliged to please others and be perfectionists to the detriment of themselves?" and also "AIBU to think that you don't have to agree to unreasonable family request just because "family"?"

Ours are still an actual sock with just those small bits in. It's all still a choice. No elves, no Xmas eve boxes etc. I feel no pressure to be part of any of those bits that I don't want to

I don't feel any pressure from anyone. As a child Christmas was always very low key in our house so I've kept that on. I put up the same decorations each year, only give presents to immediate family and there will be just the two of us for Christmas dinner, dressed in our normal clothes.

Maybe it's the Instagram generation who feel under pressure as their Christmas isn't as perfect as some influencer's.

I couldn't care less.

Jumpers lots of offices do them too and people don't want to wear the same one twice etc etc.

I do not own a Christmas jumper. On Christmas jumper day I happily make a donation to whatever charity and cheerfully tell my colleagues that I don't own a Christmas jumper. Guess what? No one cares. No one cares that one colleague has been wearing the same jumper every Christmas for the past 10 years either. This is a self imposed worry, not a real one.

If you feel pressure perhaps it's something you are putting yourself under. Personally I love Christmas, a time of relaxing, time off work, watching a few films, reading, cooking for those I love, eating some treats. Of course I want things to be nice for our family, I want to ensure I cook some great meals - especially Xmas Day dinner - but I don't feel a big pressure to complete or buy big gifts.

It's an outhouse.

You can achieve the same effect by opening your presents in the shed.

Furry stockings with names on were gifts from Granny. They are a pain in the butt!

I don't do Elfs, I don't do Eve boxes. But those Stocking are a pain to fill.
I normally end up with socks or boxers in them to help fill them.

Yep, and I mostly think those posters need to get a grip and stop acting as though they have no agency over what they do with their time.

I was genuinely asking because I just don’t see it. I was raised with chilled, low-key Christmases and do the same as an adult. The tree is a hand-me-down from my parents that they probably got when I was teenager, dinner is just a Sunday roast and then we go for a dog walk, watch a lot of Wallace and Gromit, and do very little else.

They choose to not go against it. They are able to go against it as much as the next person. They could just say no, let people moan or shut them down when they do. It’s an excuse to say they’re not able to go against it, of course they are.

I don’t feel pressure tbh. If you feel it maybe think about where the pressure is coming from and how you could maybe minimise the impact on yourself.

😂

I agree. They’re adults. Going along with stuff as if there’s no alternative and then whinging about just makes me 🙄

I don’t feel pressure to buy as I’ve gotten cheap Christmases down at this stage but I do feel under pressure to have a clean house, we’ve a bigger house than in laws so we host as we have a spare room and bigger sitting room, but I’m not as clean as any of them. It’s all self imposed though, they probably judge us a bit but not the way I assume they will!!!