That Christmas causes unnecessary pressure to be perfect

[Cattatonic]

Of course people should be able to have the Christmas they want. Am I unreasonable to think it has become a competition and causes so much angst to people who feel pressured to live up to the “perfect” day, be it hosting or gift buying especially parents comparing whose child has the biggest pile or most expensive gift. I don’t remember it ever being like this when my children were growing up.
When we say to people we’re not really into Christmas, they look at you in disbelief.

😅 I might try that!

Yes, I get that. Many people will see those sorts of adverts, and maybe feel that they want to recreate the same for their own families, and stress themselves trying to make sure the day is better than most days, so no tiffs in front of the kids, or Nana Joan, at the dinner table, as the turkey, that a lot of people really don't even like, is being carved. There is so much emphasis around Christmas time, of being seen to be in the mood, and up for running around buying stuff, and being sociable.

Why wouldn’t people buy Advent calendars in the local shops nowadays? Do you mean adults buying themselves fancy beauty product ones or an Advent marketed box of bottles of beer or similar?

I bought an advent calendar from the supermarket. It has chocolate in it which is more than they had when I was young.

When did these beauty product ones become a thing? Then we've got threads about opening these.

Good grief.

Lego ones that were sold out locally.
I tried to say No to expensive ones before the kids said they'd buy with pocket money. Arrr!

2010. Selfridge's launched the first one.

Ah, the clue's in your username!

I personally don’t like Christmas and it was never a huge thing when I was growing up. It’s just another day. But that said, I do feel like I’m letting the DCs down when they see friends with massive family get togethers, doing things, going out all the time as we don’t do that.

Don't feel guilty!

I had a few friends who did the whole "huge family Christmas" and they would often say they wished it was quieter and less stressful!

I totally get you. I like Christmas but I wouldn't say I love it. I used to,years ago when my DD was young,but now that I tend to spend Christmas day on my own,it's much like any other day to me. Don't get me wrong,I make sure I have a nice day,with lovely food and crappy TV. And I always go over to my DD's on boxing day for a couple of days. But the looks on people's faces when I say I will be at home alone on the day..... I have one friend who would not let it drop when I told hers few years ago,so now I tell her I'm going to DD's on Christmas day just to shut her up!

I don't have much sympathy for people who spend their lives trying to keep up with the Joneses and then complain they're under pressure.

I don't see why there's a need to conform to anything. People should have whatever kind of Christmas suits them.

My friend will have about 14 at hers - my idea of hell. Ours will be me and OH - probably her idea of hell.

And then my youngest came home, "mum why don't we have an Elf, everyone else has one"
He's probably on the cusp of no longer believing, so do I cave get a Elf or two?

Along with the whole of bloody December. 1st of December boxes, elf on the shelf, Xmas eve boxes…now people are even doing Halloween present boxes. It’s draining. I don’t do the above because I don’t have the headspace for it. I actually get nervous in December because there feels like there is so much to prep.

Just go on a SM diet for December and January.

Why cant parents explain not everyone does Christmas the same, parents and children do things differently it is not difficult

I don't think it's only Christmas, though perhaps it ramps up a bit. If people are swayed by social media influencers, they must feel similar pressure to achieve perfection all year.

The answer is to monitor yourself and disengage from any media source if/when necessary. We're not forced to pay attention and can switch off whenever we choose.

There are surely more houses than elves, and not everyone's house gets an elf?

Don't feel forced into it if you don't want to.

Not really! Most of the Christmas ads I've seen this year have been more about family and chaos and different ways of doing Christmas. Obviously glossy mags are going to present a glossy view of Christmas, they do that with everything, I don't think I have to redecorate my house just because Country Living thinks I need Ralph Lauren cushions and Liberty curtains, and I don't think I need "a fresh take on a natural cool toned Christmas table" just because Good Housekeeping has a picture of one.

Do you really honestly want to come up with 22 different poses and clean up 22 messes? If no, don't!

You're certainly entitled to your own feelings, but I personally can't say I feel any external pressure about Christmas or the celebrations being perfect at all. In fact, many people around me, especially the ones whose children are all grown ups, aren't doing huge celebrations or host parties either and just relax with a takeout and cheesy movies instead. We do Secret Santa style gift exchanges with friends and family, decorate the house, I even make video cards in a form of christmas slideshows for distant relatives, but it's not out of pressure, it's just because we're having fun doing all these things. Christmas is about having a good time after all, you don't need to prove anything to anyone. Just organize the celebration how you see fits and focus on you and your family feeling good.

It's just a polished image that sells and it's as old as time, I think at this point many people (me included) just ignore all those fancy pictures, so it doesn't feel like pressure at all. Everyone is different though, so I can imagine how to some it might add to the pile of stress.

I'm glad none of this shite was around when mine were little. Along with working full time and doing absolutely everything for the kids, i would never have had time to think up all that elf nonsense. I'd probably have said "Sorry the elf won't be coming here" and left it at that.

I don't know if the elf has had its day, but in previous years I'd have been sick to death of every single post on my FB being about "Look what our elf did". I haven't seen a single one this year.

I think you can make Christmas as easy or as stressful as you like but I can’t stand the people who clearly make it stressful for themselves trying to live up to an expectation and then moan about it. Or spend a fortune and then have no money in January.

Thank you @snoopythebeagle