To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

whilst I don’t disagree that isn’t how a lot of people work and I would say you don’t seem capable of seeing that just because you do something one way means everyone does.

Some people marry people with children and take it all on - based on some threads on here some people become step mothers and take to much on!

In many ways it would be good if more people took the attitude of being prepared but you must see others do it differently

You’re married, you’re a family. You work together including financially. I HATE the attitude on MN that stepkids are just some despised random DCs who don’t merit any care or consideration.

If you don’t want to part of a family which includes DCs that aren’t biological yours then don’t! But then don’t get married and fuck up the lives of some poor DCs that didn’t ask you to be there in the first place.

@THisbackwithavengeance You think children are "despised" if a stepparent doesn't assume full financial responsibility when they have two bio parents both capable of working to pay for the children they made. Wow. I personally think the bio parents need to look at themselves if they don't finance their own kids!

The step child may have two bio parents but they also have a split home and have to share their time between places at best -and are neglected a little by both sides in many cases

Hell no, we have individual accounts and a joint for bills and savings for activities, birthdays, Xmas. Anything for his own come out of his personal account (unless we're doing like a day out together)

But what about the emotional side of it all? Particularly given their half sibling.

No one has said the step parent should take full responsibility but having it so clearly defined as biological and step parents can have a real emotional hit as well (see the stories on here)

It's the parents who should move in and out of a property so the children can have one bedroom full time. They didn't ask to have their lives disrupted. They should stay put, let the parents be inconvenienced.

My my, this is so sad. Reducing parenting to who pays first what.

If you live with your partner surly your therefore a family. We share money so if his child needed a new coat it would come out the pot.

When you marry a person you also marry their past- so although you may agree that your new partner is not financially responsible for your kids it will financially impact upon his life and his finances- pretending they are completely separate is disingenuous , at best- the fact you have other children affects him,how could it not?

What is a fair split then? I have 2 kids, their dad has chosen to have nothing to do with them not seen them in years also doesn’t contribute financially again hasn’t in years (CMS cannot get him to pay he is self employed and absolutely playing the system). I have a new partner now been together a few years, he has no children but he lives in my house. I am higher earner, I pay mortgage and all but 1 household bill which he pays, he also pays for food shopping. I tend to do the top up shops. If he didn’t contribute because he isn’t the father of my kids I’d think he was a total cock lodger.. I mean sometimes I think he should contribute more!

@user1476613140 And in cases of DV such as coercive control?

And the poor kids as well. Their parent married someone who thinks so little of them that they don’t see them as people to share with.

That being said, not all step parents have a responsibility.

My dh did, ds lived with us.

Dh dad remarried. I wouldn’t have expected his wife to have contributed anything, but ds only spent one or maybe two nights a month there. Plus ex h paid maintenance.

She didn’t have the same relationship ds did with my dh, living with him day in, day out. My dh sees ds as his son. She doesn’t. The relationship is different.

@NameChangexox Why are you paying the entire mortgage if he is living with you? That makes him a "cocklodger" - kids or no kids.

Living with someone and sharing bills is essentially sharing responsibly. I don't see how you could separate that out

Because it’s my house not his! As I said I sometimes do think he should pay more, but at what point is that becoming financial responsible for my kids..

Exactly. OP's probably overcompensating. I mean he married someone with 2/3 children while he had none. I'd say making sure he doesn't feel it's a burden is quite a defensive yet reasonable thing to do for him and her children.

DH's kids were adults when we got together but I have never contributed to birthdays or Christmas for them or his grandchildren. I like them but I don't feel it's down to me.

Well…ai guess it depends what you mean by that?

I wouldn’t look favorably anyone making any difference between my children. I also wouldn’t be so happy about forking out everything for some of my kids and possibly leaving me with half nothing while my partner would enjoy himself…not his monkeys not his circus kinda style….

yeah. No. Actually what you say is just vile for anyone but the partner…are you trolling us or what?

It depends. There was that story recently where the mum was a SAHM, presumably with her husband’s consent. Except he wouldn’t pay for her child to gonom holiday with them and their joint child so she was going to leave that child with family. This I think is really wrong.

@NameChangexox Yes but he still lives there, no?

Reverse

I think Yabu, if you are married then your finances are joint like it or not. Thats the main point of marriage.

Yeah but adults is massively different…you didn’t raise them.

This question has been asked over and over yet i haven't seen OP respond to it.