To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

What would happen if you decided to have a career break to care for another shared child? Or if you couldn't work due to ill health?

Oh so he massively benefitted then didn’t he given it is now partly his.
which takes it away from your children. so he benefits and your children lose out on inheritance

and how does it work as a marital asset now if you die first does he just prioritise his own child?

@Collaborate That's interesting - thank you for clarifying. So in essence a stepparent who contributes financially is tying themselves in permanently, even if the relationship dissolves? Do most stepparents realise this do you think? Assuming you have a legal background?

@Penfoldfive Our daughter will be our only shared child. Re illness - the same options as any other family with two working bio parents.

The bit that would really bother me would be the expectation to subsidise a partner paying more maintenance either directly from the stepmum’s income topping it up, or her paying more on household expenses so that her partner has more money to send in maintenance.

I kind of agree. However I think that when you live together, you are naturally financially responsible for whoever is in the house. However when it comes to more longer term things like savings and even holidays and clubs, I’d say that falls on the biological parents and it’s an optional choice for the step parents to get involved. I do think that all children should be raised with the same lifestyle though. And that might be tough if the biological parents maybe isn’t as well off or able to contribute as much. It can cause a lot of resentment.

Would you see it the same if the child lived with you?

I’m with you OP but you can’t post on MN expecting reasonable responses when it comes to step parents, unfortunately.

It’s interesting on this forum because if a mother posts saying that her new partner won’t contribute towards the cost of her kids, the replies unanimously state that the new man is a complete arsehole and a red flag.

However, if a woman posts on here that she’s contributing towards the costs of running her boyfriend’s household the replies state that the boyfriend is a user and she should ‘run for the hills’.

Try posting on Reddit and you will get more reasonable responses.

My husband is not the biological father of my elder daughter, but has been in her life since before she can remember. We are a family and we are all financially in together. If his parents badly needed money, we would help them, if my siblings did, same thing. Our money is our money, and that equally includes all of our children. My husband is proud to provide for all of his children, and regards all our girls as his. I wouldn't have married him on any other basis. If a man wanted to spend 'his' money on one of our children and not the others that would be a very worrying indicator of his view of our family.

What the ‘role’ of a stepparent entails, if it you even consider it a role with duties at all, varies dramatically from person to person. As the one responsible for their child/ren, it’s up to the parent, if they want a partner willing to join finances and support their child/ren, to not date or marry someone that isn’t offering that. Which means making a point of having those conversations early on, not just assuming that a prospective spouse is of the same mind.

Despite the view that it must be impossible to maintain separate finances, many blended families do indeed do just that. Hell, many families do regardless of type.

This is hands down the dumbest sh*t I've read. Is he going to invoice you and co-parent for their share of household bills every month? Of course a step oatent takes on some financial responsibility, what kind of psycopath divides their entire family expenses by each individual every month.

You have misunderstood what I’m asking. I’m not expecting anything from anyone. I’m asking what happens if there isn’t any money coming in for the children. Would the ex husband, who is already co-parenting and supporting them, continue to do so. I wasn’t talking about the op but the kids. Take the time to read properly.

https://www.carterbells.co.uk/services/family-law/family-law-guides/rights-step-parent-divorce/

this is a good one that sums it up

@Tiswa Seems to me like a raw deal for stepparents upon separation. So, in essence, according to this article, no step-parent has an automatic legal right to have contact with their step-child, but at the same time, could well be expected to finance them if they have agreed to do so historically.

@BonfireNight1993 Do you contribute financially too?

yes but they chose to get married that is a choice and getting married comes with a set of legal benefits but also obligations

you understand that with being married yourself for example that your house he moved into it now a marital asset?

@Tiswa Not if you have legal documents drawn in advance stating otherwise.
I think it is appalling that potentially a stepparent could be forced to pay out for a child they have no legal right to see.

If it was the Husband who was suddenly unable to financially provide, would you expect the bio mother to provide everything 100%?

So your have drawn it up your husband has no rights to the house in which he lives?

@Tiswa You can ringfence certain percentages of assets so that when you pass it is divided up according to your wishes.

Yes I get that. Indeed I think it is sensible to do so but it adds to the whole transactional nature of your relationship

and it makes me wonder if you don’t get the fact that some people don’t work like that they want to be all in - sometimes it doesn’t work and sometimes they clearly shouldn’t be but that is how life is

I have never personally known a single parent who has kids the majority of the time (so let’s be honest, mainly mums) have a full time job when the kids are young (I know some do), so if they want a boyfriend/husband to move in they will lose a lot of their benefits assuming the guy is working, so in that case the guy would have to contribute to the kids/most of the household expenses

@DurinsBane Why the assumption that a single mum is on benefits?

Was in reply to post
Newbutoldfather · Today 11:42
Another saying it depends.
If you are going to blend families, you can’t have some children immensely wealthier than other children, that is just cruel.
So, if there is a significant wealth discrepancy, you have the choice of keeping all children at the lower level or paying for your step children.

Which states you can't have some children immensely wealthier than the others

@Tiswa It is always important to have plan financially for if a relationship dissolves. That's about being a realist.