To cancel Christmas

[LiftAndLetLift]

AIBU to want to not engage at all with Christmas this year?

It's just me & DH. I have decorations in the loft but cba to get them down, it feels like another job to do!

I don't want to invite any family round, host food & drinks, worry about presents and buying stuff no one needs.

So - no roast dinner, no mad supermarket rush, no inviting people around because 'I should' - nothing, just pretend Christmas doesn't exist!

I'm not religious, I don't have small kids or any family that are enjoyable company and don't have disposable income to waste.

Has anyone else done this?

Sounds a bit miserable. I would go with giving cash to any kids you normal from, suggest meal out or walk and cuppa and cake with those you want to meet up with between Christmas and New Year. Buy some posh ready meals or mezze style food.

Or whatever else is enjoyable for you without the effort.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but it's so little effort to put up a few decorations and have a nice meal, I can't see why you wouldn't unless you have a big reason for disliking Christmas?

I think a quiet Christmas is nicer than no Christmas.

Sounds absolutely fair, depending on what your DH thinks. I simply cannot be bothered with Xmas this year so we have booked to go away.

Do what makes you happy and content. No point going along with the Christmas stuff if you don't have to and it won't bring you joy. I'd get some really nice food and drink in, stay in my pj's, and watch some box sets. I'd probably also go for a lovely walk somewhere.

Your choice, perhaps donate savings to charity.

You’re both adults, do what you want.

As long as your DH is on board then go for it. If he does want to do your usual festivities, then make sure he does at least 50% of the work!

Sounds pretty miserable. Is there nothing you me DH like to cook together in a leisurely way? Making the lunch, even when it’s just me, DH and DD, is just nice - carols on the radio, no rush, the two of us cooking together with a glass or two of champagne. Lovely.

@Fuckitydoodah is absolutely right, @LiftAndLetLift - have a day that you and your dh will enjoy - Christmassyness (is that a word?) is not mandatory.

Police elves, battering down people’s doors to check they have enough tinsel up might be a bit excessive.

There’s a reason why this festival exists (and im not referring to the birth of the baby Jesus.) The pagans knew that we needed festivities to look forward to in the middle of winter. There’s nothing wrong with producing a wonderful meal and settling in for whatever entertainment you prefer as a way of facing the gloom of January and February but obviously it’s all voluntary.

I would absolutely sack in Christmas if if I could (though I bloody love trifle and bread sauce).

I hate having decorations up. Hate even more having to put them down. It’s just another job!

Forced socialisation (bloody work do!), forced spending ridiculous amounts of money, too much drinking and eating.

Just give me a couple of quiet days off!

But I won’t be doing that, I’ll be doing the whole bloody thing!

Have Christmas your way. People feel pressured into conforming to what’s seen as the perfect traditional Christmas. We’re not fussed about Christmas either. We don’t put decorations up or a tree.

Yes, we did this. Christmas Eve rdered a Indian takeaway and a Chinese takeaway and put them both in the fridge.
Christmas Day lunchtime went to the pub, came home, picked the Indian.
Boxing Day lunchtime went to the pub. came home, ate the Chinese.
It was great, no mucking about, not much washing up...Oh to be young again. (sigh)

Every other year for the last 20 years.

On the intervening tesrs we go on holiday.

Why?!

Do what you like! DH and I often fantasise about Christmas Day alone . We’ll lie in and go for a big walk and then drink champagne all day. Just remembered the last time we spent it alone. DH had been ill so we cancelled going away to family. By Christmas morning he was much better so we just chilled. Our first child was born 9 months later! 🥰

For my ideal Christmas I’d go to church and spend the afternoon curled up with a good book. Not a Kindle book, a proper one made of paper.

one year i am not sure we ate the roast, i remember cooking and boxing day making a large bubble and squeak - next day we were skint and had to cancel new year's eve trip away.
i think a lot of alcohol was had!

I have done this in the past. Am not this year as have been cajoled into joining friends, which I will enjoy. But secretly wanted to opt out again. I find it all very false. All my family have died and I’m on my own. People pity me I think. I hate that aspect of it. I salute you. 🙌

Yep, I cba either this year, we’re going somewhere hot and non Christian.
v much looking forward to it

You don't have to do anything you don't want to and it sounds like you don't want to. How does your husband feel?

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of work all the years, and with no real reason to do it this year you just don't feel any motivation and you see it as unnecessary work. And that's completely logical. It is.

I wouldn't say cancel Christmas as in just pretend it doesn't exist, but I would say massively downgrade all expectations and do it differently this year.

But get your husband's opinion on this, because even if you always did all the work to decorate and do all the food and do all the buying and do all the everything, he may have really really enjoyed it. And perhaps he would be willing to do some decoration of lights or a small tree or some other small decoration, or maybe making a dinner of appetizers or nibbles or your favorite food, you don't have to all out cancel, just modify.

Hopefully you'll find a solution that will do, something that brings you some joy, but doesn't feel like a whole ton of work.

It all sounds a bit miserable to me. I will be spending Christmas at home alone yet I will still make things festive and enjoy the day.

However, if my family members were still alive there is no way I would be distancing myself from them.

It's fine!

This is all fine provided you tell everyone else well in advance what your plans are (it would be a bit harsh if your family have bought you gifts because they were unaware that you weren’t taking part) and provided your DH is also happy to pretend Christmas doesn’t exist. If you don’t want to see your family, that’s fine, but if he wants to see his, I think it would be a bit churlish of you to refuse to go with him, provided he sorts out any presents for them.

I also think there’s a middle ground between ‘let’s not do big Christmas dinners and seeing extended family’ and ‘let’s pretend the whole business doesn’t exist and sit there being miserable because everything’s closed and there’s nothing to do’.

You don’t have to do the traditional Christmas, but you could still have a really nice, special day with great food and drinks and so on with just the two of you.

When people say “I just want it to be like any other day” I think they often forget that it’s very hard to do that when everything is closed, TV and radio are all Christmas themed, pubs and restaurants are usually booked out for Christmas meals etc.

I’d love to have Christmas with just me and DP with any of the stressing around family etc but I’d still want a special festive day for us, one way or another.

We didn't do much last year as FIL in hospital, and now FIL passed away, this Xmas is first one without him, a sad milestone for my partner to go through. Plus partner told last week he's on call xmas day, so that's that! We didn't bother with a tree last year and won't this year, our hearts are not into it. We've said no gifts, other than the one from the cat (a silly tradition) as we not in the mood and also in the process of moving so no point in buying just to pack up.

Just change what you do, have a chill out day but have that as a good thing, not a sad thing. Last year, apart from visiting in the hospital, we did nothing and enjoyed doing nothing. This year we may just have a PJ day and have reheats from a takeaway. Last year we bought a lovely Chinese meal which we ate Xmas day instead of a roast, talk about easy! But it was still a treat. It's good to take the pressure and expectations about Xmas day off ourselves.