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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Road rage driver called me fat

127 replies

Ouchthatcutdeep · 01/12/2025 10:17

Had been Christmas shopping yesterday, driving home and traffic lights turned amber as I was literally driving through them.

At the next set of lights some angry man got out his car shouting at me I went through a red light (I certainly didn't as I have the dash cam footage) He was so angry, and yet I hadn't affected him in any way shape or form.

I told him to get a life and he called me a fat bitch. Then got back in his car screaming insults as he went.

I am still shaken but his words have really upset me. I feel down today and embarrassed. I didn't even think I was fat, so why would he say that to me?

OP posts:
TealScroller · 01/12/2025 11:57

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/12/2025 10:26

Because it is a word that people fling about it means nothing!

Come on OP, still shaken and down about something that happened yesterday?

Edited

Not everyone can brush things off easily, to a lot of us this kind of interaction would be upsetting. Have a bit of empathy, no need to make her feel worse than she already does.

5128gap · 01/12/2025 11:59

He said it because the prefix 'fat' before other misogynist insult of choice comes out like word association. In our society we are well aware that women can be made to feel extra awful by calling them fat. So when people like this man are annoyed with us, it's adds an extra layer of offence to the other name they call us. They don't even think about it, or why they say it, or even need to look at you, it just spews out of them on auto pilot when you've dared to cause them inconvenience. I've been called a 'fat slag' at a size 8 after upsetting some half wit.

Vinvertebrate · 01/12/2025 12:01

When crossing the road as a pedestrian, I got called a "fat cnt by some idiot male, because I didn't waddle out of the way of his bottom-of-the-range BMW in time. I was 37 weeks pregnant. It's just the first thing men think of, because some of them are utter Neanderthal tosspots.

WheresBillGrundyNow · 01/12/2025 12:02

It’s definitely just a go to insult for some men. A male poster on here pm’d me once when he didn’t like my comments and called me fat and old amongst other (much, much worse) things. I had just changed user names so he literally had no clue what I look like or what age I am 🤷‍♀️

Squeeky112 · 01/12/2025 12:04

He's an idiot. Ignore him.
Better still, if you have footage of his abusive behaviour on your dashcam (along with his car reg), upload it to Operation Snap so the police can remind him to be polite. For someone to get irrationally angry is dangerous.

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 12:06

StephensLass1977 · 01/12/2025 11:57

Responding as someone who still dwells on insults from the 80s, I totally understand.

In 2006, I was crossing a road in Central London, and a stupid little dick of a man in a Ferrari totally ran the red light and almost ran me over. I yelled "watch it!" I didn't swear or insult him at all. He opened his window and screamed "fuck off, you fat cunt!"

I wasn't fat either, but after that I certainly thought I was. I've never forgotten it, either.

I find it helps if you visualise something nasty happening to them 😊 - that's the only thing which works for me, unfortunately. I'm also not the type to "just forget it, it means nothing, brush it off!" Easier said than done if you are not thick skinned. Hugs to you, and I bet you look absolutely fine.

I find a smile and a wave at drivers in a rage tends to make them explode, it's actually quite funny 😂

Lifestooshort71 · 01/12/2025 12:07

I'd be asking myself why he insulted me and not stressing over the words he used. I don't see why you going over an amber/red light would end up with Mr Dick at the next set of lights with you? Anyway, it doesn't do you any good to stress over what he said because presumably you stayed in the car so he wouldn't know your size! All very odd.

Muffsies · 01/12/2025 12:08

If a guy insults me like this i just smile and fire all their hate back at them and say, "eat shit, loser". They hate it.

Nitgel · 01/12/2025 12:10

I got called a granny on a similar road rage incident. I told him to grow up. Some men are idiots

Ladybridgerton25 · 01/12/2025 12:12

I can completely empathise with this, I’ve had a road rage incident that left me shaken and upset for a long time. For context a man followed me into a car park behind a building to abuse me because I was turning right and he had to stop to let me pass him (making him 5 seconds late for work) as the car BEHIND me who was a male driver blocked the road off by going into the yellow box junction instead of waiting back like you’re meant to…

He called me fat, a cunt, told me he hoped I was raped, that I got cancer and died that my kids would be kidnapped and (insert vile crap I won’t repeat) told me to get gange raped and die. Because I was in his way in his opinion and he was having a bad life.

This man was a psycho. The same as the man who abused you. It’s not you, it’s him. It’s 💯 him. I too have a dashcam, the police did fuck all. But I show people the footage regularly, because women need to see it’s not them. We need to show each other physical proof that some men are just losing their minds.

The other reason I posted is because I am a tall size 10, and he called me fat. Men especially love to go for this as an insult and they will use it on any woman, because it might hit a nerve, no matter your size. I have a friend who is a petite size 8 and has had an ED, she has been called fat by a man before too. It’s just a shitty brainless insult that requires no real thinking or intellect.

You will feel better and more prepared driving one day, I bought some extra safety precautions after to help me feel safe and prepared if it ever happens again.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 01/12/2025 12:14

Men tend to tell things as they are, including how others look. They are blunt and straight to the point. Women also tell things as they are, but they're a little less blunt and much more barbed: "You're very brave to wear that dress." (It was a midi dress with long sleeves, so it's not like I was showing any skin) You may not think you're on the large side, but he may have seen differently.

Road rage is horrible, I know. I've not had a confrontation like you've described, but lots of honking from speeding drivers and more overtakes on country roads than I care to shake a stick at. There are so many idiots who should never have got their licence.

As long as your front wheels were clear of the front line, then even if the light has just at that moment turned red, you're fine. Some of them have cameras, so if you did indeed blow a red, you'll find out in the post (hopefully you don't).

I'm sorry this happened 💐 Please don't let this incident dominate your week, though, because he's not worth the head space. You'll be alright and more than likely won't see him again. Take care xx

CiderWithRosie1972 · 01/12/2025 12:14

In the wonderful words of Greta Thunberg 'smalldickenergy'

Please do not give this silly little man another thought. He is not angry at you, he is angry at his own miserable life.

Original poster
Ouchthatcutdeep · 01/12/2025 12:15

You've all been so kind thank you. I love women that have each others back. Thank you all so much, women should rule the world!! X

OP posts:
PoliteRaven · 01/12/2025 12:16

There's a lot of aggressiveness in society these days, I guess there always was but there were more systems in place to prevent/ buttress against it. The road is where people feel 'free'.... to work out their aggression on innocent bystanders - they're not rational - they're just angry, disaffected people - he said the first put-down that came into his head, nothing to do with your actual appearance.

ClassicalQueen · 01/12/2025 12:21

I’m very thin and have been called a fat bitch before! It’s just default insult they throw at women.

BatshitOutofHell · 01/12/2025 12:24

If he hadn't called you fat he would have called you "ugly" because he knows that is the achilles heel of most women. He's a cunt.

I understand why it's shaken you up. Do something nice for yourself and try to forget about the bastard.

saveforthat · 01/12/2025 12:28

There must be a lot of angry little men around at the moment. I got called a stupid fucking bitch in Halfords car park yesterday because I pointed out that he was going the wrong way in a one way lane and causing a jam.

Ladybridgerton25 · 01/12/2025 12:31

saveforthat · 01/12/2025 12:28

There must be a lot of angry little men around at the moment. I got called a stupid fucking bitch in Halfords car park yesterday because I pointed out that he was going the wrong way in a one way lane and causing a jam.

There are an abundance of these men, i find it terrifying being a woman and a girl mum at the minute.

Men are scared women will
laugh at them

women are scared men will
kill them

HectorPlasm · 01/12/2025 12:31

People get very brave in their safe cocoons in cars don't they? Blowing them a kiss makes them go even pottier!

Lemonysnickety · 01/12/2025 12:31

We were at the airport recently as a guy took one of those luggage trolleys over to the baggage belt. The guy with the trolley was doing no harm and was standing directly in front of me just waiting on his bags the same as the rest of us. Some other nutter passenger not even from our flight took complete exception to him bringing the trolley to the carousel and crossed the baggage hall to complain at him.

He went on and on calling the guy every name under the sun. There was clearly no backstory as it was obvious they had never met before.

I had never seen either of them before but it was clear who the utter nutter was from their behaviour.

Same in your situation @Ouchthatcutdeep you had the misfortune of meeting an utter nutter. Pay zero attention to what he said because it was all about his own demons and nothing to do with you.

AphroditesSeashell · 01/12/2025 12:34

It's such a mundane, unimaginative thing to call someone. My partners ex wife (divorced long before I met him!) once shouted across a shop at me calling me a fat bitch. I just smirked and said "oh dear, imagine thinking that's the worst thing someone could be"🙄

MorrisseysMisery · 01/12/2025 12:35

DisappearingGirl · 01/12/2025 10:20

He said that to you because he is a dick and it was the first thing he thought of to insult a woman. It had nothing to do with your weight.

A while ago a man in a noisy exhausted golf pulled out on me at a junction and proceeded to call ME a fat CuN7!
This is because he knew he was in the wrong but wanted it to be my fault.
I gave him a thumbs up 👍 and let him huff and puff on his way.
Silly silly man.
Would he have done it if I were a tattooed skinhead male? No.

sassyduck · 01/12/2025 12:37

He's a nasty little waste of space. You are not. Remember that

DierdreDaphne · 01/12/2025 12:37

Male aggression is unpleasant and stressful to be on the receiving end of OP, I get it.

A dog walker whose out of control dog ran at me and jumped with its muddy paws on my clothes called me an "evil old witch" because I, not unreasonably, exclaimed angrily aloud. I laughed at him (it was genuinely funny to hear such a schoolchild insult coming from a grown man) but I did feel shaken too. The aggressive entitlement and defensiveness of a lot of people is pretty demoralising to witness - for anyone. But the choice of words is determined by their pathetic small minds and failure ro mentally mature past age 7, and not our appearance.

DierdreDaphne · 01/12/2025 12:38

This is because he knew he was in the wrong but wanted it to be my fault.

Every time.