To be absolutely mortified? Please share your most embarrassing stories to make me feel better

[CryBecauseItsOver]

Oh Lordy lord I need some comfort embarrassment to make me feel better about an actual situation that happened to me this afternoon.
NC for obvious reasons.
I had birth repair surgery on my vag last year. Long story short all is fine I just had a very small area that became a bit red and sore this week. One of my closest and trusted friends is a gynaecologist so I went to her for advice. She told me to take a photo and send it to her. I trust this woman with my life. This isn't the issue.

so there's me, half naked, hair a rats nest, legs akimbo in front of my floor length mirror. I actually took a short video. I sent the photo and video to her and left it as that.

this afternoon my daughter was scrolling my tiktok to choose a hair style she'd like for school tomorrow. I supervise her on this completely as she's only 5. I turn away for a literal split second and I see my video, whole fucking fanny including my fire button on show, with 95% loaded on it. I grabbed the phone and shouted NOOOO and safe to say my heart fell out my arse.
now the thing is with TikTok you cannot delete videos until they've been uploaded. You can't cancel a partial upload. So I had to sit there, on the verge of an SVT episode, waiting for this fucking video to load.
it loaded. I deleted it within a millisecond. It said it had zero views.

thank the lord above no one could see it. Lessen learned but I still cannot get rid of this utter horror despite me deleting it in time with no views. My nervous system can't quite grasp that it's in fact, okay..

I've had no messages about it. Thank god my vag is at least lasered but Jesus bloomin Christ it was a close call. I would have probably moved to some remote Spanish island never to be seen again.

the video was uploaded for genuinely less than a second. No longer than that.

PLEASE tell me your embarrassing stories to make me feel better! I am utterly mortified! I'm laughing about it now but jeeez it was a very awful angle and my vag looked like what I can only describe as a butterflied chicken. At least it was lasered I guess.

😩

Had really bad stomach pain once when I was walking to Asda with my son who was 1 at the time.

Started sweating THROUGH a really thick jacket, so had to dash to the toilets with my son and splash my face and literally ripped the coat off of my body.

Had this massive urge to vomit. Ran to a toilet cubicle, son in my arms. Plonked him on the floor, and started dry heaving.

Someone who was also in the toilets called for a first aider. I was hunched over on the bathroom floor, trousers around my ankles, in and out of consciousness.

First aider was about to call an ambulance as she thought I had appendicitis.

I suddenly jolted up, sat on the toilet and shat.

Turns out I had really bad constipation. And because the toilet cubicles were really small, my son, the first aider and about 3 other people saw me take one of the biggest shits known to man.

I was fucking mortified.

I once used the wrong fork in a restaurant.

Does that count?

Christ I would've had clench fear like no other!! They could've at least given you some privacy dignity? While allowing you to expel your twirl of shame!

Sending love and strength x

Honestly I haven't been back to that Asda since and it happened when I was 21. I'm 27 now 😂

At least it wasn't a 'staff announcement can we have a cleaner to aisle 5, that's a cleaner to aisle 5 thank you.'

Mine was similar but nowhere near as mortifying- DH and I were messing about with a profile on a swinging site and I found the absolute grottiest grimmest profile with absolutely outrageous stuff written in it so I copied it and sent to DH. Then I went on to my work group chat which I have on my personal phone and copied a link about some grant for furniture that someone was asking about. But obviously the second time I clicked copy it didn't copy, so I sent this pretty rancid profile text from a swinging site onto my work chat. Thank the good lord that WhatsApp allows you to delete messages these days or I think I would have been fired!

There's no way i would take a video of my fanny to send to a friend

Oh god 😭 I'm so glad that didn't happen lmfao, I already wanted the ground (or toilet) to swallow me up

Thanks for your helpful input x

I took my work laptop into the bathroom with me for a wee while on teams call (i was pregnant) and forgot to put it on mute.

God bless you … thats so bad I can’t even giggle .. you poor soul …

One morning whilst the kids were in school I was doing some housework and wandering around half dressed (knickers and a t shirt) and went into my sons room to get something only to be faced with my husband sitting there on a zoom call and a screen full of strange faces staring at me.

Turns out my husbands computer was playing up and he had gone into my sons room to use his instead for an important work call.

I still get a cold sweat thinking about it now. Apparently nothing was ever mentioned thankfully. My husband did have to request they delete the video from his companys intranet as they are recorded and kept for viewing for months afterwards.

He thought it was funny. I did not!!!!

You're not forking funny 🤣 🤣

Please do laugh! I laugh about it now

I’ve got 2 that will make you feel better

1. I was in the dentist having a root canal and the dentist asked for suction and I swallowed instead of letting the nurse use the actual suction because I thought he was talking to me, his face was like wtf

1. I was having a coil fitted and right as she inserted the speculum and opened it, I sold something on eBay and my was on loud so it went KACHING! and I started laughing because the dr said ‘well that’s a bit inappropriate isn’t it? I laughed so much the speculum fell out.

Years ago I was in an accident and I got a concussion and momentary oxygen deprivation (I was fine in the end though). So I woke up in hospital pretty confused and the nurse is asking me orientation questions. I have no idea why but for some reason in my confused state, I thought they were calling me an idiot, and I went archly, "I do know how to read you know, I have a PhD". They laughed but once I remembered this I was mortified

If it makes you feel better I operated on a nurse who worked in theatres (emergency no time to move to another hospital) and he woke up from the anaesthetic and bit one of his colleagues in recovery. They had to go to A&E and he was absolutely mortified

@b0mbayb1cycleclubyeah, my friend is a doctor and laughed when I told her this and said "Oh God, that's nothing, people say all kinds of things" but I still cringe because there is no absolutely no compos mentis situation in which I would say "I have a PhD" as a flex out of context. Mortifying.

Out of all that "thank god your vag is lasered"? I thought we'd got passed the childlessness of women not be good enough in their natural state.

For some reason you think people would have watched that video and said “what a lovely hairless fanny - if it wasn’t lasered I would think so much less of her”?

When lockdown first started, we set up our WFH desks in our bedroom, which made the room really crammed. One day, I'd just had a shower and needed to get dressed to do school pick up. The problem was, I could hear DH was on a work call, and our wardrobe on the far side of the bedroom. The only way to get to it was to climb over the bed, which was right behind DH's desk. Zoom was pretty new then, so when I peered into the room and saw a presentation on his screen, I thought it meant he was on a call only. I proceeded to CRAWL ACROSS THE BED IN MY DRESSING GOWN right behind him, only for him to break off talking and smoothly say 'Please excuse my wife crawling across the bed behind me' and then continue on with the meeting without missing a beat. Yes, he had his camera on and I was broadcast to 12 of his work colleagues! The worst part was that once I got my clothes, the only way I could get back out of the room was to...you've guessed it...crawl back the other way.

I was having a coil fitted and right as she inserted the speculum and opened it, I sold something on eBay and my was on loud so it went KACHING! and I started laughing because the dr said ‘well that’s a bit inappropriate isn’t it? I laughed so much the speculum fell out.

That's made me crack up 😂

And @Ponoka7

that part was a joke. It wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference whether I had a bush or not. No one saw it anyway so it's a moot point. Evidently didn't go down well. But yes I would much rather my vulva be hairless and that's complete personal preference. No need to get offended by it.

This is hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂 I tho k the dead pan 'excuse my wife' would have finished me!