To be absolutely mortified? Please share your most embarrassing stories to make me feel better

[CryBecauseItsOver]

Oh Lordy lord I need some comfort embarrassment to make me feel better about an actual situation that happened to me this afternoon.
NC for obvious reasons.
I had birth repair surgery on my vag last year. Long story short all is fine I just had a very small area that became a bit red and sore this week. One of my closest and trusted friends is a gynaecologist so I went to her for advice. She told me to take a photo and send it to her. I trust this woman with my life. This isn't the issue.

so there's me, half naked, hair a rats nest, legs akimbo in front of my floor length mirror. I actually took a short video. I sent the photo and video to her and left it as that.

this afternoon my daughter was scrolling my tiktok to choose a hair style she'd like for school tomorrow. I supervise her on this completely as she's only 5. I turn away for a literal split second and I see my video, whole fucking fanny including my fire button on show, with 95% loaded on it. I grabbed the phone and shouted NOOOO and safe to say my heart fell out my arse.
now the thing is with TikTok you cannot delete videos until they've been uploaded. You can't cancel a partial upload. So I had to sit there, on the verge of an SVT episode, waiting for this fucking video to load.
it loaded. I deleted it within a millisecond. It said it had zero views.

thank the lord above no one could see it. Lessen learned but I still cannot get rid of this utter horror despite me deleting it in time with no views. My nervous system can't quite grasp that it's in fact, okay..

I've had no messages about it. Thank god my vag is at least lasered but Jesus bloomin Christ it was a close call. I would have probably moved to some remote Spanish island never to be seen again.

the video was uploaded for genuinely less than a second. No longer than that.

PLEASE tell me your embarrassing stories to make me feel better! I am utterly mortified! I'm laughing about it now but jeeez it was a very awful angle and my vag looked like what I can only describe as a butterflied chicken. At least it was lasered I guess.

😩

OP what do you mean when you say your vag is lasered?

🤣🤣🤣 I am hearing you say that in a full Hyacinth Bucket voice as well 🤣🤣🤣

What do you think I mean?

jesus Christ what I choose to do with my pubic hair is not the point of this thread. It was a throwaway comment 😂

I have had my VULVA lasered. Due to my own personal preference. Any better?

I thought that too! 😂😂😂

A very long time ago, I flooded at work, while wearing fairly tight white trousers, with a top that didn’t anywhere near cover it. And didn’t realise until just after I’d been talking to two male colleagues - one 20s, one a lot older. They could absolutely not have failed to notice, but didn’t say anything or - except for a brief glance which I only registered afterwards - show that they’d noticed.

I went hot and cold, but could only zoom straight home (luckily not too far and I had my car) - change into a different pair of white trousers and zoom back, as if nothing had happened - and try to behave as if nothing had happened.

Nobody ever said a word, or betrayed that they’d noticed anything, for which I was very grateful.

Also start of lockdown when Zoom meetings were new to me and I was not really au fait with how the mute button worked. I had an important meeting so I begged the kids to be quiet whilst it was on but instead they chose that moment to run up and down the stairs screaming right outside the room. I turned around and yelled at them ‘ I told you to BE QUIET’ but of course I had not muted the call and the Zoom display thought I was making some important point and flashed my picture front and centre. Half the people actually thought I was talking to them for a moment and looked really shocked. That was mortifying and then I learnt how to mute Zoom.

I was at a once-in-a-lifetime type of interview. Dream job stuff. Stakes were high.

We were briskly 'walking and talking' after the seemingly very successful interview while I was being shown out. I slipped/tripped on the lovely, shiny marble floor while stopping and turning to shake the panel leads hand, and did that uncontrolled flail walk-run forward when momentum and a fall meet. I full-on headbutted him in the groin before taking him down in an accidental tackle in the tackle.

We, at this point during the walk and talk, had come out into the centre of the atrium, and I swear the whole place stopped to goggle at the world-renowned and very esteemed panel lead writhing on the floor, unable to get his breath back from being walloped hard in the gentlemen's area.

The silence of a building full of people coming to a standstill was deafening. I then said 'thank you for the opportunity' (which, in hindsight, made it sound like I was thanking him for letting me take him out like a bowling pin in front of his whole directorate). Flustered, not sure what to do with myself, just turned and promptly left the building. I didn't help him up or get him help; I just left.

(I didn't get the job - in fact, they ghosted me entirely)

I was with my young son on the bus and pressed the bell for our next stop. We get up, I’m ahead of him. As the bus door opens I reach behind to grab his hand….and instead got a handful of a man’s crotch.

Marching down the centre aisle in our large L-shaped office of 200 people, swinging my arms as I went, and a colleague called my name so I turned to look at them.
Sadly I didn’t notice that our biggest Big Mr boss-man had just turned the corner of the L and I managed to swing my hand into his groin at the exact moment that I looked away.
That was over 20 years ago and I still die a bit inside every time I remember it, particularly at my pathetic “oops sorry” afterwards.

And recently in the Post Office I leaned forward to pick up my bag of parcels and accidentally thrust my bottom firmly into the groin of the man stood behind me 😩
(again the oops sorry)

JFC what business is that of yours??!

It wasn’t just a friend, it was a gynaecologist friend.

I doubt OP will ever do it again. In fact I imagine her knees will clamp together every time she sees a camera for a while.

Oh my god, shut up!

A shaved adult vulva looks nothing like that of a prepubescent child!

Is there a reason that interests you enough to type and post the question?

I walked into my parents flat once but unknown to me I'd got out of the lift on the wrong floor!

I walked straight into the kitchen where a woman just looked at me a very puzzled.For a second neither of us could work out what was going on

I had even commented that they had a new carpet as I walked up the hall 😃😃

I suspect that she now keeps the door locked

Having a normal, natural vulva shouldn’t increase embarrassment and a lasered vulva shouldn’t be less embarrassing that an unlasered one. That makes me sad and takes me back a bit to the noughties when my friends and I all felt shamed into painful pubic hair removal. I really hope times have changed as I would hate for my DDs to feel shame about their normal, natural unlasered bodies.

Just to add- I know this isn’t the point of the thread but I think this type of body shaming really needs to be called out. Even if the OP is only referring to her own body, it impacts how women feel about themselves.

Well, we already know that OP is feeling a bit positivity challenged at the moment. Reckon there's a better time and place for your message, however earnestly meant.

Did a big shop in Asda a few years ago, and I mean trolley full to the brim, card got declined at the tills and I was escorted by a store worker to customer services, him pushing my trolley.

I had been involved in a scam and they had taken £200 out of my bank which I was unaware of. To this day I check my bank before I enter a shop, even for a pint of milk and loaf of bread, I think it scarred me

I was going to showing a colleague a work related picture I had just taken, opened up my phone’s photo album and an explicit image popped up! I had the image open previously and had clearly not closed it off. Safe to say I was mortified and luckily it was never mentioned again. I thought I was going to get sacked.

Sat in British Home Stores cafe years ago eith my partner. Was boiling hot so took off my jumper only to pull my t-shirt off as well. So there I am sat in my bra whilst my knob of a fella is shouting at me "for God's sake" attracting everyone's attention.

Of course jumper and t-shirt inside out and back to front by this stage and I'm trying to duck under the table to try and sort my t-shirt out.

Another time walked of a busy rail station concourse on the way to work and found a big lump between my leg and my trouser leg. Turned out to be my yesterdays tights which I'd pulled off with my trousers the night before and pulled my trousers on over new tights not realising my old ones were still wrapped up in there. I looked down and saw the toe from one leg sticking out of the bottom of my trousers so started pulling frantically whilst this lump of tights visibly worked its way down my leg one pull at a time whilst strangers stopped and stared. Now that was mortifying!

Hard to believe anybody would tbh!
The words 'fire button' made me slightly queasy as well.

@CryBecauseItsOver good work getting it deleted before anyone saw it.
I wish I could delete this mortifying memory from my brain…
I was at a music festival many years ago. There was a long row of portaloos, massive queues for each one. When I finally got in there, finished and stood, was just about to bend and pull up my trousers, when the door swung open in the wind because I clearly had not locked it properly. The massed queuers all got a view of me standing with trousers and pants around my ankles before I managed to grab the door. Awful, awful moment.

This reminds me of a colleague who came to work with a pair of his wife’s tights stuck to the bum of his trousers (tumble drier static?). Easily done, especially as we were shift workers and it was 5am. Didn’t stop everyone having a really good laugh about it before they let him know, though.

This happened just 1.5 weeks ago. I was in Paris, 5 star hotel literally living my best life. I had gone away with my partner of about 18 months.

We were sitting having breakfast when I could feel my stomach making weird flutters and then felt the need to go to the loo .... desperately. I told my partner that I needed to pop to the loo across the foyer, but he said we should just go back to our room, just a short elevator ride away.

I got in the elevator and clamped my buttocks shut - but by the time we got to our floor I was literally dancing on the spot. I had to go, and I had to go NOW. Unfortunately he did the worse thing possible .... he made me laugh and I couldn't stop it, I literally messed my pants, and not only that - I did it with so much noise that the maid cleaning the room a few door up looked out to see what was happening.

Thank god I was wearing knickers and tights ..... but I then spent about 30 mins cleaning myself up, hand washing my undies - and being absolutely mortified. My partner thought it was hysterical and still says 'what happens in Paris stays in Paris'. Why oh why didn't I use the loo in the foyer? I know I get IBS, I should have gone when I needed to go ... immediately.