My sister is dating a sex offender

[Flup68]

Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with my sister since she’s been dating a sex offender.
So she starts dating this guy turns out 2 years prior to meeting him he was accused and admitted to sexually assaulting someone in his house whilst they were resting after not feeling well. It was a house party and the girl was friend of his stepdaughter. He pleased guilty and two years after the assault and 6 months after meeting my sister went to prison got 3 years.
I have refused to have anything to do with her since I found out what he done. He claims he was drunk and had blacked out. I won’t have it. He is now out of prison and they are now living together. I’m just looking for peoples views wondering if I’m wrong for not being ok with it just want peoples views please

I'd stay in touch with her, she may need it. But i wouldn't be having anything to do with him at all. So see her outside her house, WhatsApp, phone etc.

No absolutely not I wouldn’t want to be around someone like this. I understand you cutting your sister off as well but try and keep some line of communication and relationship with her just in case she needs you. But other than that I’d steer well clear.

I can’t imagine you’ll get many people who don’t agree with your approach. How has your sister responded to you?

Drunk or not, the intent must have been there to some extent. I would keep the lines of communication open with your sister, he sounds dangerous and you may need to help her or advocate for her. In terms of having her in your home, or visiting hers, YADBNU.

I would be disgusted too and would wonder why the hell is wrong with my sister to make such a poor choice.

I think I would minimise rather than cut contact with her. I suspect she'll need your support at sone stage when she realises what he's actually like.

YANBU at all. It shows she's got really poor boundaries and is either really naive.... or really dangerous. I'd go with naive so depending on her mindframe I'd probably go low contact and not no contact

Around 2 years ago my sister went out with someone who she knew was awaiting court for abusing his cousins whilst they were children. She stayed with him up until he was found guilty in court and the only reason she didn't continue a relationship with him is because the rest of the family went absolutely mad. She'd been secretly engaged to him too 🤦‍♀️

I went NC with her as she hadn't told us he was due to be in court/ what he had done and she had absolutely mithered me to let her and her boyfriend take my DS out on their own. After he was found guilty and she ended the relationship she denied to the wider community that she had ever known what he had done and also used what he had done in her music career portraying herself as a victim

She’s accepted it. It’s as though she doesn’t have to have my approval by it being this way

As disgusting as he is, your sister has put herself in a dangerous predicament. I would remain in touch simply so she has somewhere to go if things turn nasty.

I dated someone who had a criminal past, I knew a little about it but not the full extent. He hooked me in then it was so so difficult to leave, it took me several attempts, the police, my wonderful family and six months to leave. Then two years of court to get rid of him fully. If my family didn’t help I may have still been stuck in that life.

its so difficult for you I’m in no way minimising but let her know she has an out with you whenever, however she needs it.

I would cut contact in the circumstances you describe.

Has she got kids?

I would remain in contact, absolutely, but tell DSis I would not see ger with BF.

If his crime was in Scotland iirc it was a child that was assaulted whilst asleep.

I would let her know your door is always open if she needs help (if you're okay with that). But while she's with him you want nothing to do with her.

No but I have twin 15 year old girls. The girl was 22 who he assaulted not that the age matters just saying.

I wouldn’t want to see her at all, but agree with PPs that she might need your help in the future so I would keep the door open for her. I wouldn’t have anything to do with him, though, obviously.

I hope she doesn’t have DC?

This but no meeting with him or at her house... where he might be.

Cross posted. Hopefully she’ll understand why wouldn’t want any contact with him in that case.

Age definitely doesn't matter and can understand your stance considering you've daughters.
It must be a difficult situation to be in.

I'm presuming if it was a friend of his stepdaughter then he was obviously much older than 22 himself. Not that age makes a difference as an excuse. But he's presumably a middle aged man who assaulted a vulnerable young woman.

He's no doubt told her a load of bollocks about it, said he's not guilty. That the young woman came on to him blah blah, and all other kinds of nonsense. Your Dsis is a fool.

Yes, i phrased that badly, I meant outside of her house e.g. a coffee shop, pub, walk etc. And definitely not with him, if she brought him I'd leave.

I absolutely believe people can change and if for example you get a theft conviction you can rehabilitate. Sex offending is different. It is something in you that makes you do these things and no amount of rehabilitation will change that. It might do enough to stop you reoffending but will never take away the desires. I would feel the same as you.

Also always love it when men use the old 'drunk and blacked out defense'.

In all my late teen/adult years, not ONCE have I gotten so drunk that I've "accidentally" managed to sexually assault anyone. It's amazing that alcohol seems to only statistically effect some men that way 🙄

I would completely cut her out of my life, OP. She has extremely poor judgement, and isn't the sort of person you want around your DC, blood or not.

That’s how I feel. I think that using the blackout was an excuse. He’s the only bloke I know of who’s gone to prison!!!

No I wouldn't want anything to do with him either. I don't think I'd cut her off though. Men like him are notoriously good at manipulation and his true colours will out eventually. I would however put her on an information diet regarding your dds so she can't feed information to him even unconsciously and I'd never meet her around him or have him at the house etc.

It blows my mind that some women are willing to accept things like this, it seems wildly naieve. Especially the fact he's not really taking accountability for his actions by saying he blacked out. That's actually the most concerning part in terms of reoffending.