My sister is dating a sex offender

[Flup68]

Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with my sister since she’s been dating a sex offender.
So she starts dating this guy turns out 2 years prior to meeting him he was accused and admitted to sexually assaulting someone in his house whilst they were resting after not feeling well. It was a house party and the girl was friend of his stepdaughter. He pleased guilty and two years after the assault and 6 months after meeting my sister went to prison got 3 years.
I have refused to have anything to do with her since I found out what he done. He claims he was drunk and had blacked out. I won’t have it. He is now out of prison and they are now living together. I’m just looking for peoples views wondering if I’m wrong for not being ok with it just want peoples views please

This is utterly horrifying! Your sister is NOT safe.

I agree with your stance. I don't have siblings, but if I did, this would be a reason to have no contact with them. I'd feel no guilt in doing so either. Your sister has likely been spun a sod story, that she's swallowed. All I can say is that she must have a very low self-esteem, to think this man is all she's worth.

You need to be firm in refusing to see him, but your sister is at risk and some contact with her family could be a lifeline in future.

I’m afraid she made her choice had long enough to think about it in my opinion and see what’s right

When you say you’ve encountered what do you mean please

She's made a terrible, terrible choice and I don't blame you at all, I think a lot of people would have the same response. Any kind of tacit endorsement and it's like he's been welcomed into he family.

I'm close to my sister and I don't know if I could cut her off completely if it was her, I might let her know that I would be there when she came to her senses or was ever in danger but I really don't know. I don't think I could get over it.

She has to state this; she will probably lose her job.

Well, my mom's fiance assaulted me when I was on crutches. He broke a window to get into the house but I was out back and thought home invasion.

Some guys try to get you drugged or drunk or out where there's no other people around like hey, I'll give you a ride home and they use force.

I would go no contact as long as she's seeing him. Her choices have consequences and you have teen girls. She is no longer a safe person due to her choice to be with a sex offender. Acting like it's no big deal is enabling her choice. It is a big deal.

We all know his excuses are just that. But he sounds like someone used to manipulating women.. for that reason id stay in touch with her.

Open door policy, with clear understanding its sister time, her BF isnt welcome. So when she needs to flee him she had a path

Unfortunately it won’t be to my home!

Thank you for your reply x

Personally I wouldn't go no contact with her in case she needs to escape in the future.

She doesn't need to come to you but you can ring the police or do something that could save her

Of course the age matters a pedophile is way worse but yeah its not like he's much better

OK, but she may not have calculated the risk to herself. Hopefully she'll realise one day and find a safe way to leave him.

The age doesn’t matter—he assaulted her because she was vulnerable. He will also be predatory towards younger children.

I dont think thats unreasonable, youve your own family to consider

I just mean if you love her, and think theres a chance hes got a hold on her id want to be open to communication to help her get to a safe place (which absolutely doesnt need to be your home) if she ever wakes up to the horror he is.

But while id leave a door open based on my own relationship with my sibling. I dont know what shes like prior to or outside of this stupid choice. I dont think its u reasonable if you cant find it in you to even have thay door open

Why is she dating such a man? Has she low self esteem? Body image issues?

like, why is this the best man available to her?

yanbu, but I am also confused by the timeline. Have you just found out? Do you otherwise get on?

id be keeping my teenage girls far away from this man, so yanbu but i think I’d tell her she can come to you as soon as she regains her common sense

I feel digusted reading this. YANBU at all. Does your sister have really low self-esteem? What's her dating history like?

Does he have any conditions? SHPO ETC?

personally, I am more interested in that. She’s an adult and knows the risks

People get drunk all the time, most of them do not sexually assault other people, those that do have to face the consequences.

If they really think, alcohol is the reason they are sex offenders they should just keep off the booze, especially if their step daughter is having a house party.

No previous offences known now on sex offenders register

Not ever had a decent partner she’s 54

I think you can make it clear how you feel without going NC. Meet her out occasionally, for lunch or coffee or whatever, keep the lines of communication open, make it clear that you'll be there if she needs you. I think going NC just risks isolating her and encouraging her into an 'us against the world' mentality regarding the OH, all pf which the OH can of course exploit.

What kind of hold does this man have over her? It's concerning that she can brush this aside. I knew the bar was low for some women but you'd need to dig a trench under it to get lower than this.

Keep your distance and never allow this man or your sister into your home while she is still with him. He is a clear danger to your own children.

Unfortunately some women are willing to put up with any man.
It's probably due to low self-esteem but I also think they do realize the danger but prefer any man rather than no man in their life. If she has a history of dating the wrong kind of man, she may simply believe this is how all men are and that there are no good ones out there at least not for her.