My sister is dating a sex offender

[Flup68]

Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with my sister since she’s been dating a sex offender.
So she starts dating this guy turns out 2 years prior to meeting him he was accused and admitted to sexually assaulting someone in his house whilst they were resting after not feeling well. It was a house party and the girl was friend of his stepdaughter. He pleased guilty and two years after the assault and 6 months after meeting my sister went to prison got 3 years.
I have refused to have anything to do with her since I found out what he done. He claims he was drunk and had blacked out. I won’t have it. He is now out of prison and they are now living together. I’m just looking for peoples views wondering if I’m wrong for not being ok with it just want peoples views please

to be honest it was the icing on the cake. I won’t be keeping in touch been 2 years now but plays on my mind that I think I might be wrong even though I know deep down I need to go with my gut. I feel ashamed she’s with him

To be given 3 years then there must have been a huge amount of evidence and possibly prior offences.
Its still difficult to get a rape/sexual assault to court, never mind secure a conviction and then give out a custodial sentence of that sort of length.

Have you done a search online for this person? To actually see the information on the case and trial ? I'll bet he's either lied about it all or your sister us in denial.

Yes I see the case in the local paper. The solicitor would have told him to plead guilty and to go to AA and look like he’s sorry for his actions. Says he’s an alcoholic but I think it’s a cop out and implies anyone is capable of assault under the influence.

Just out of curiosity has your Dsis got really low self esteem, or a history of poor judgement in relationships?

I am genuinely interested as to why she thinks he's a catch.

Conviction rates for sexual assault based crimes are truly shocking. It is worth any man accused to take a punt at court as statistics suggest they are likely not to be convicted. If he was advised to plead guilty, there must have been a very, very strong case against him.

Equally, three years for a guilty plea and excuses around blackouts and alcoholism, seems a long stretch.

I very much suspect he has sold your sister a story that she wants to believe.

The stranger who seriously sexually assaulted me as I walked home from work was drunk, the prosecution and sentencing judge made it very clear that is no defence at all, and all that alcohol does is lift inhibitions and make it more likely for a person to act on their impulses.

Tell her to speak to the police and get their take.

OP, I would cut her off as well. I don't actually agree with people saying to keep the lines of communication open. She's a grown woman and your priority is your daughters, not her.

@Flup68 Your sister knows there are huge numbers of single men who aren't sex offenders, right?

Keep in touch with your sister, she is more than likely going to need you, He will be on the sex offenders' register for an indeterminate period due to the length of his sentence. If he does not sign on regularly and let the police know his whereabouts he can be returned to custody. I am a survivor of a serious sexual assault and my attacker was locked up again for breaching his parole condtions, not signing the register, he was also locked up again for theft and when he was released from that jail term he went out and smashed his way into someone's house, vandalised and robbed it. I tend to think (I am baised of course) that people like this cannot be rehabilitated. Your sister will more than likely have been fed a very sanitised version of events which show him as a poor misunderstood victim.

He assaulted his stepdaughter's friend when she was unwell. Some of the predators I've encountered wait until their target is ill or injured and more vulnerable.

I hope your sister doesn't have kids. If she does, let them know you will get them to safety if they need it.

As for her, no, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. She chooses to date a sexual predator, she can deal with the fallout of her very stupid choice.

Most of the time men get much less sentences than this.

He must have done something pretty serious or have previous to have got this long as a sentence.

Strikes me hes a liar as well as a convicted criminal.

I hope your sister doesn’t work with children or vulnerable adults.

My SIL has form for dating offenders.
The worst was a convicted murderer. She'd conveniently forgotten to tell us this and my two children had built up a relationship with him and adored him. He ended up attacking her and got sent back to prison.

I'd keep her at arms length, but she's likely to need you in the future. We barely have any contact with my SIL, her taste in men has not improved.

No I'd not accociate with a sex offender and I'd not want to accociate with someone who chooses to be friends with or in a relationship with a sex offender. Yanbu.

Erm, blokes who are blackout drunk generally can't get it up!

(I know it doesn't technically say if his penis was involved in this offence but just saying)

Well she does actually

He used his hands to penetrate 🤢

There's precious little that would cause me to abandon a sibling, but this is one such instance.
She could find me again after the relationship is dead, but I couldn't be around her while she's actively engaged in this.

I went to prison in my twenties for growing weed. It's well known how sex offenders have to be segregated for their protection, but I think it's less well known the levels of distrust general population prisoners have towards them. They're not considered criminals inside, they're considered to be perverted, and unpredictable and untrustworthy. There's no rehabilitation for that, it's a complex mental health issue at the end of the day. If prisoners won't tolerate them, why would you?

I know right!!!

I'd put my life on it that he has similar previous convictions if he got YEARS in jail for digital penetration.

And what you read in the papers will only scratch the surface of what he actually did. They can't usually print graphic details.

I don’t quite follow the timeline in the OP. Did this all happen a few years ago and he’s out of prison now? What do you feel has brought it up for you tonight?

You are not wrong. Women get involved with sex offenders all the time—she may or may not have been innocent and naive once but she may well end up being his accomplice. Rose West? There are many who eagerly assisted their boyfriends to commit crimes.

Yes been out 6 months now. He only served a year and half. It just plays on my mind a lot.