Adult kids not interested in us.

[Birlngsnotnicepeople]

I would like some sense of the " outside world " if possible. When children are small, you are constantly comparing with other parents. It seems to die off when they reach Secondary school.
My AC are basically not bothered with us.
Is this just how it is?

I remembered your name from how you despaired at society because I 🙄

and sure enough… all your posts are complaining about how bad weather makes you feel grim and your mood plummets OR criticising people or society

it’s a depressing posting history and explains a lot

@Considerlentils Since I am a member of a few activity clubs, I am very familiar with mixing with a wide range of people. I am kind to people and if I feel it is becoming draining, I may politely move away.On the other hand,I can think of one scenario where people talk freely about low mood and their struggles.This is at coffee break. What a relief to be able to enjoy an activity and meet some great people too,

Suit yourself.

How unkind you are.

Things I do to stay close with my dds: text them pictures (flowers, archaeological finds, interesting articles) every day; call and chat, tell them interesting things, joke with them, read aloud to them—yes, still, in their late twenties—cook their favorite foods, visit them when I can. What interests do you share with your children? I share a lot of things with them so we like to chat about those shared interests.

Thanks @pikkumyy77 Good ideas.I'm interested in the reading aloud.

Are they busy op would that be it. We have a family app post pics of our dog there. Someone replies. My son works she at college. So they busy mid week

Well—I have been reading adult books to them since they were little and especially on long car trips. I don’t think its something you can just start as a family tradition.

I think the best attitude to have is to be the one that makes lots of effort but don't have any expectations on what you get back.

We see my parents every 8-12 weeks I'd say, they're 3 hours away. Dh actually keeps in touch with them much more than I do, I might message one of them weekly whereas he probably messages one or both of them daily. They keep in tough with the DC almost daily, just a wee "good luck on your test" or "have a lovely day" goes a long way.

On the other hand.

My sil had became a granny last year and I recently realised I've only ever heard of this baby spoken by her once, so asked her about him. Well that started a rant about how her son refused to do the 3/4 hour drive to take the baby to see them so she just doesn't bother. That pretty much explains why only 1 of her 6 adult children still see her. She better not do the same bullshit to my two nephews. The whole world revolves around her in her mind.

that's interesting to me personally @BoarBrush

"Dh actually keeps in touch with them much more than I do, I might message one of them weekly whereas he probably messages one or both of them daily

Why, from your personal perspective, is your husband staying more connected to your own parents than you?

Nc for this. From my point of view, and it might not be applicable in your case, is my mum would similarly say we don't see her/aren't interested etc but she seems to have genuinely forgotten how she treated us growing up. She was unkind and abusive and I think the would say she did her best. And weirdly I think she probably did. Similarly she makes no effort now. Never calls/messages/shows an interest. My friends see their parents and it makes me a bit jealous and sad as, clearly, you can have nice relationships with your children where they want to see you as adults. That is possible. But it's not something I've had. I've not cut her off, I just don't really get anything back.

Very hard Rachel. Mine can be nasty too and has favourites. It does sting as you say. Im low contact.

I'm sorry you went through this @ Rachel. I can assure you I was not abusive to my children.
I think some of it is intergranerational trauma, but that's a big subject.

Yes, but she would absolutely say she was a great mum. I'm not going to debate it with her, it's pointless, but she plainly wasn't. We're just not close at all.

OK for example "How can I apologise for something if I don't know what it is please?"

The "please" is a bit self-righteous indignant even, as though the poster you were replying to knows about your situation and is somehow in more of a position of responsibility than they possibly could be. Which suggests maybe you don't readily take responsibility yourself.

Hard to express clearly, but it's like you are quite ready to look outside yourself for justification and solutions, rather than inwards.

Of course- I dont know anything about you apart from a few words on the internet, but there is my twopennorth, for what it's worth...

@DierdreDaphne What you say is completely wide of the mark.

I was at a low point yesterday. I genuinely don't understand how I can apologise if I don't know what I've done. I could gently explore perhaps if something has gone wrong and what my part in that may be.

Anyway, some nice replies and ideas and thanks for those.