To not want to take 6 year old to grandparents funeral?

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My mother in law has passed away recently and my daughter who’s just gone 6 was understandably really upset on the day it happened but has since been ok. What is general thought with funerals? Should she be going to the funeral? I would prefer her not to as they are obviously upsetting environments and she already thinks she is in heaven so I’m not sure it would help? I think my father in law would like her though? Would you take your 6 year old? Would it be unreasonable of me for her to not go?

In sorry for your families loss. When my MIL passed, we left my DS (5, nearly 6) at home with my mum and went without him. It was the right decision for us. You can only do what feels right for your child, I think 6 is too young but you know your child and whether you have a particularly mature one who could handle all the emotion (I don’t).

I definitely wouldn’t take a 6 year old - far too distressing.

It depends entirely on the circumstances

I went to a funeral and there was no celebration. It really was devastating. For details I won’t go in to.

we celebrated their life since… sure, even at the wake. But the funeral was just… well a time that all of us grief stricken came together and clung on and listened to the wonderful priest.

When I was twelve, I went to the funeral of an eight-year-old girl who died from a congenital condition. Our mothers were on school committees together, and this girl’s close friend was the younger sister of one of my close friends. All of her classmates walked out of the church with her coffin as a way to say goodbye to her. It was tragic but also beautiful at the same time.

My grandchildren were 6 and 4 when my dad died. They visited him in hospital till a few days before he died. They attended his funeral and they were fine. It’s part of life. Shielding them away from it and having it shrouded in mystery can be more upsetting in the long term. They are teenagers now and still speak fondly of their Papa.

I was taken to funerals of my grandparents and other elderly relatives when I was age 5-13. I remember the services being sad and a bit boring when I was a young child but not particularly distressing.

My main memory of my nan's funeral is hiding under the table with my cousins stuffing down sandwiches and having a great time. Funerals are much harder as an adult when you understand what you've lost.

FIL died when ours were similar age, 6 and 7, I asked their teachers and they said not to take them.
In hindsight I think it’d have been better if they had gone. It took them a long time to get over it and I think going to the funeral would have helped. They are now 19 and 20 and say they felt left out and like they didn’t matter and weren't part of things. I’d trust your instincts though, you know your kids best.

see I think it’s weird she wouldn’t go

my 3 year old has been at 2 open casket wakes and several funerals. (Diff culture obviously)

but think it’s good to know how these things work and what that death happens / what a funeral is etc

Her choice surely? Give her all the (age appropriate) info and let her make an informed choice.

I don't go to funerals as an adult if I feel i have any choice!

I wouldn't take a child unless they wanted to go. I'm not bothered about death at all but funerals are depressingly horrible and no part of any mourning I do, I certainly wouldn't think that they helped anything. I've been very clear that I really don't want one myself.

I have no idea why people think it's good to know what happens at a funeral - I mean if you were an adult that had never been to one and had never seen one on tv then you could easily google it if you really wanted/needed to know.

I didn’t take DS when he was 6 because I knew he would find seeing his grandparents and parents distressed very upsetting and it was a difficult enough situation without having a distressed child there.

If it was an elderly relative who hadn’t died in a shocking and traumatic way like the above then I may have taken him.

I'm glad I didn't have to take my kids to Mils funeral and that one of my friends looked after them on the day. One of them would definitely have needed a wee during the service and for me at least it would have felt disrespectful to be getting up and taking them out.

I think in England we are different to other cultures regarding kids attending funerals (I am one of them!).

But I think it depends on the child and circumstances. I know of families where younger children have attended the wake but not the service which worked well.

Cultural differences possibly apply here as in my country it wouldn't really even be a question, of course the child would go. I would absolutely bring my six year old to a grandparent's funeral. I think it is healthy for children to understand that death is a normal part of life and to experience shared grief. I find people who didn't go to funerals as children are quite uptight and to my mind strange about death. Obviously it's your call but your child is very unlikely to be negatively impacted by the experience. There is nothing wrong about being sad that a loved one has died, this is a way to say goodbye and show love and respect.

Of course I would. Why would you exclude a child from a funeral which is part of the grieving process. Never understood why people " shield" kids from death and it's rituals

I remember when my grandad had died ( I was 4) He was in the coffin in the front room in open casket. I went into look as him with other relatives ( I was a curious child) as saw he just looked asleep. And attended the funeral.

I'd send her to school as normal then collect and bring her to the wake afterwards, assuming it isn't hours from school. This is what we did when my husband's gran died, our children were 7, 5 and 2 at the time. They had a lovely time at the party afterwards and everyone was pleased to see them too.

My grandfather died abroad, but there was a memorial service in our home town. I went aged 7. I am glad I went.

When I studied my family tree, I realised that when most of the extended family died, my brother and I didn’t go to their funerals. I was a bit miffed.

We always had 3 - 4 cats. From time to time, I went with DM to the vets and watched a cat pts. I saw death was nothing to be afraid of.

My father was an atheist, so my parents would never have talked about my grandfather going to heaven.

I guess it depends on the child, and their understanding?

Mine were 10 and 6 when their great grandparent died. They came, and even had a little role in the funeral, holding charity collection buckets at the end. I was pleased they were part of it.