Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

Yep, it's clear that you "don't see the issue" - that's the problem! 😂

You also have her workplace name and where she lives.

Yes I do but I still haven’t been able to find her through LinkedIn.

You're coming off like a stalker.

Leave her workplace out of it.

Take a couple refresher continuing education courses on confidentiality and privacy rights and data protection.

Just leave it now.

Yes it is a bit odd but obviously these two really seemed.to.hit it off

OP, if she really is also a foster carer then she is just as unprofessional as you are. I really hope you actually reflect on just how serious this could be.

Her workplace aren't going to give a random her number and I doubt they would pass yours on either

I wasn’t going to ask them for her number but I was going to ask if they would pass my number on to her.

So she offered you her number but she didn’t ask for yours ?

That’s even weirder

why didn’t you put it in your phone - I can’t rem the last time I wrote a number down on paper rather than put in my phone

if you said to your work place I took a zoom call in a coffee shop what would they say @OneShyBear

If you are that desperate to have a friend who is a foster carer then link up with other foster carers from your agency; most have foster carer groups. The way you're going about it is not appropriate and it's worrying that you don't see that.

And you’ve been told repeatedly none of this is appropriate and you have put children in your care at risk.

I sincerely hope this comes to light and you NEVER have the opportunity to fuck up like this again.

Its weird that you STILL dont see how odd all your behaviour is despite many people (including your DH!) Telling you...

What details?? She may not want her workplace randoms to know certain details. Are you always so careless about other peoples confidentiality? It really comes down to what you want?

no op, you can’t give them details any more than you can publicly discuss rhe children in your cares needs,

I do have other friends who are also foster carers too.

IMHO it’s perfectly reasonable to leave a message at her work to call you.

You could give her first name, describe what she looks like and leave your email address (safer than leaving your number).

However, it wouldn’t be reasonable to tell her workplace she fosters. That’s confidential information and she may not want her workplace to know.

You already accept you shouldn’t have had the care meeting in a cafe where people could overhear. Would’ve been better to call them somewhere you couldn’t be overheard. If she overheard, she could be anyone (she may not have told you the truth) and now knows you have a vulnerable child.

Nooo. It’s not remotely acceptable- it’s creepy and weird.

Exactly. By passing on OP's contact details, they would be confirming that this woman works there, which absolutely shouldn't do.

The employer has a duty to protect the privacy and safety of their staff so, presumably, they would tell OP to piss off.

OP could be any kind of weirdo and given the information she has given about herself, I would say she is the sort of weirdo I would want to avoid.

Leave her alone OP, I'm sure she will find you in the unlikely event she wants to see you again. Following a two hour conversation and hearing the full details of your confidential Zoom meeting, I'm sure she has got all the information she could possibly need from you.

Did you disclose you were doing the meeting in a public space, or did you not disclose this because you knew it was wrong?

Have worked in a couple of universities before, and can think of one issue where someone was trying to track down a staff member at work (on an issue to do with their ex), and another where the person sought a student (not sure whether on genuine grounds based on their approach story).
Both automatically had to be shut down faster than Roadrunner on a teflon coated slide. Absolute no-no to get involved at work. All staff got frequent training on data and info protection, many on safeguarding.

If people haven't seen Action Fraud's video called 'How private is your personal information?' then this is very much an illustration of something you say here.
A coffee shop ran an experiment and short promotion based on a free drink to collect if you 'liked' them on social media. It's an interesting watch.

I don’t think it matters because her workplace is very unlikely to agree to pass any message on that way imo.

Sounds ok to me. Just min info