Aibu?? Sorry this post is not for everyone but I need to say it anyway.

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

Honestly, I’m at the point where I just want a man who brings solutions, money, and a slightly easier life.

Before anyone judges, hear me out – I’m being completely honest here, and I reckon plenty of women (not all obviously!) think this even if they’d never admit it. How wonderful would it be to have a partner who actually adds to your life rather than subtracts from it?

Nothing more than that. I just needed to vent, write it down, and shout that I’m utterly fed up with doing it all on my own. And just so we’re clear, I have my own job, my own money, and I live with effort and sacrifice, saving whatever’s left after the taxman takes his share.

But suddenly, I caught myself wishing for a proper gentleman, a prince, someone to make life feel a bit lighter.

Can anyone else relate, or is it just me being completely ridiculous?

YANBU, but this isn't an unattainable dream. My DH is amazing.

Both partners should surely bring something to a relationship.

Friend said something similar to me last week, when we discussed it, it wasn't as mercenary as it first came across. Came down to not wanting to end up with someone who made her life more difficult but a mutually supportive partner.

And don't we all want that?

Be good Santa 🎅 might help. Get on a dating app, check some out. Not unreasonable at all.

Definitely not unreasonable to want a partner who'd make your life easier, as you'd be making his life easier too.

Actually that's kind of the whole point of having a partner imo. By cooperating with a partner you save money, time, effort.

So you want a healthy marriage?

When cards are down mine is there. I may moan about day to day but when thing get tough he is a rock

YANBU and don't give up hope OP, they are out there! My OH is completely lovely, just what you've described really and my life is immeasurably better for having him in it (and he would say the same is true for him) Going through life with your best friend is such a privilege, and I do know that and appreciate how fortunate we both are to have found each other. Keep looking OP, it's worth it!

I put YABU to want someone just to lighten the load. It’s not the point of why we fall in love with someone. Obviously further down the line yes it is easier when you both contribute and make it easier for one another but that’s not the starting point.

This is why arranged marriages are popular in much of the world.

That's a perfectly normal thing to want, for most of us. And yes, there are men out there who offer it.

Wanting someone who makes your life better and easier (or does everything possible to make that happen, when he's able) doesn't mean you're not also looking for a loving relationship, obviously. They should go hand in hand and you rarely get one without the other, though I suppose it depends on how you define love.

No one should ever have a partner of either sex who subtracts from their life. The very lowest bar would be to break even. Not sure why anyone could think that was unreasonable.

Could you please explain, genuinely interested in how this would be

I think because in cultures which practice it, the parents and families will often try to pair up two people with similar interests, values and goals. As well as education and to some extent finances, because they recognise that these things are important factors in the success of a marriage.

Obviously this doesn't apply to places like those controlled by the Taliban.

My XH was useless at virtually everything. If I asked him to do anything, which was rarely, he'd make an arse of it so I ended up doing it myself.

I often wonder if he did it deliberately

Yanbu at all

I do like being single. But unfortunately, I am straight, so I am attracted to men 😭 - one day, I would like to meet the right man who believes that I am precious and its his privilege to look after me and dd and keep us safe xx

So are you offering him to @Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot then? 🙈

Yes. Less emphasis on romance and more emphasis on things that endure like compatibility of education, finances, class, existing children, and so forth. All far more important than fleeting romance, I think.

Arranged marriages are not the same as forced marriage.

I was in a very similar position!

Very far from unreasonable to want to be in a caring mutually supportive relationship with someone who loves and respects you. It was what I wanted but it never worked out for me. I have a few friends who have managed it and their lives are much easier and happier than mine. They are also materially better off than I am. However I have friends who have been cheated on and been through hell late on into a marriage or live in relationship and that has been very tough for them.

Why don't you want an equal.partner rather than a prince? Having someone to split the bills with will make your life easier.

So, 20 years in a relationship I always ended up doing more. Always. Resentment built up, obviously. Single now for several years.

“They say when poverty walks in through the door, love flies out the window.”

At this point, I just want someone nice… and wealthy, please. Is that really so unreasonable? Or am I alone here dreaming of a proper gentleman with a castle and a butler haha!

I think a reciprocal relationship where you both add positively to each others lives and create a shared loving energy between you is the ideal! I think it’s fine to want to set your sights on being treated better, as long as you are also prepared to bring to the table.

You sound a bit naive.

YANBU I’ve never had a man that didn’t add to my load mentally and/or physically. I’ve always been very independent. But I’m fed up of feeling like I have to drag a partner through life and just be thankful that they’re not horrible.

Maybe life is better single and it would be easier to get a house keeper and nanny