Aibu?? Sorry this post is not for everyone but I need to say it anyway.

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

Honestly, I’m at the point where I just want a man who brings solutions, money, and a slightly easier life.

Before anyone judges, hear me out – I’m being completely honest here, and I reckon plenty of women (not all obviously!) think this even if they’d never admit it. How wonderful would it be to have a partner who actually adds to your life rather than subtracts from it?

Nothing more than that. I just needed to vent, write it down, and shout that I’m utterly fed up with doing it all on my own. And just so we’re clear, I have my own job, my own money, and I live with effort and sacrifice, saving whatever’s left after the taxman takes his share.

But suddenly, I caught myself wishing for a proper gentleman, a prince, someone to make life feel a bit lighter.

Can anyone else relate, or is it just me being completely ridiculous?

Just as long as you are also attracted to him. I say this because many years ago I thought I should opt for my good friend who wanted to marry me and really decent but everytime he wanted to kiss me I cringed. And lots of other women found him attractive

This is not an unreasonable ask at all.

There are good men out there. Lots of them. Don’t give up. But don’t wait around if something in your future relationships doesn’t seem enough. There’s no time to waste.

I was 37 when I met my husband and thought I’d never find a good man, but was at peace with that. I truly believe you get back what you give out and, at that time, I was in a good place emotionally, and had a job I enjoyed. And that’s where I met him.

It is weaponised incompetence! (Did I spell that right as it's got a squiggly line underneath haha!). Where someone does the task wrong purposely to make you stop asking again.

YANBU , my husband is fantastic but I like to think I bring plenty to our marriage as well and I know he’d agree with me .

Problem is the attractive, nice, caring and wealthy are already taken ! 😂

I totally relate, after my divorce I got my life together and for the most part loved my independence but every now and then I just got sick of doing it all on my own. I am very happily married again now but it took many years. There is definitely hope

I hear the same complaint about women from my male friends 😂

Yes. To make life more enjoyable, safer, healthier, more interesting. I've been around for quite a while now and im.of.the opinion there are ppl who are good at relationahips ands ppl.who are good at being parents, and there are those who arent. I dont know what you do about that..You cant ban idiotic ppl from having kids, and you cant stop idiots from being in relationships......

Now that women can have bank accounts and earn their own money I don't think that men have caught up. They still think that we need them to house and feed us and we simply don't.

They still think that their mere presence in our lives adds value and that we should be grateful for paying 50/50 for all the bills and picking up all the housework and childcare.

We're not grateful and we are understanding that if they don't add value to our lives, housing us is just not enough anymore. Its going to take a couple of generations for some of them ....

I’m 51 and divorced. My last partner and the one before was as useless as my ex husband, selfish and unsupportive. I think I may as well give up now as decent men just don’t find me attractive.

When I was a teenager and lived in my childhood town my best friend was adamant she was going to marry for money . I moved away and the years passed . I returned to look after an unwell parent and happened to run into her and we went for a coffee / catch up .
She probably did marry for money , hasn't worked since her mid 20s , lives in a couple of million pound 5/6 bed , owns a holiday villa abroad and her children go to private school .

How wonderful would it be to have a partner who actually adds to your life rather than subtracts from it?

Does anyone want anything other than this?

Obviously I expect to reciprocate and add to their life as well.

Isn't this what all relationships should be like whether they be romantic or just friendship. The balance swings at points in everyone's lives but overall it balances out.

YANBU to want a man who is a proper partner and will bring solutions rather than problems.

YABU to want a "prince" (yuck) or think finding a man to rely on for money is a get-out-of-jail-free.

A partnership between two equal people who respect one another and both bring money to the partnership is something you absolutely should aspire to. But finding someone to sweep you off your feet and support you is a shortcut to dependency.

These men exist. You just have to keep chucking the shit ones back.

Id rather be single than with some of the fucking idiots people have married on here. Have a high bar and know your worth, but remember a shit relationship is worse than flying solo.

What's "Be good Santa"?

If a partner is not adding value, then there is no point. But I do think that (generally, nationally, socially) women have let themselves down with their low low low standards. What they will put up from men, what they expect. Stop being grateful for the crumbs that fall from the table. Demand better and stop putting up with servitude and disrespect. Then men would be incentivised to behave properly and bring something to the party. So many threads here just make me despair. Better to be alone with dignity than abused.

@RaraRachael this is called strategic incompetence and is deliberate !
I had a husband like that ( note past tense ! )
Installed un a flat in his own now .. he can shop , wash , iron etc no problem… who knew 🤷‍♀️🙄

My husband isn’t wealthy nor would I describe him as a prince. But he is an equal partner and that makes life a LOT easier! It’s also not too much to ask.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that as long as you are able to leave if things don't go to plan. Don't become dependent (and I'm not keen on the 'prince' thing) but other than that, this is what most women want - reliability, ability to provide. I mean there's usually a bit more to it, but at the core, if you also like the person, these are important features of a life partner.

Why did you have a LTR in that case, I'm really interested and no irony, I promise.

I think both parties need to bring something to a relationship but I also think that sometimes you can devalue that contribution if its not exactly what you need at the time. My partner does all the cooking and shopping and is the fun one of the family. Among other things I carry most of the mental load, which tbf he is terrible at. If I am finding the mental load too much he can't easily step in and help so I fantasise about a partner who might be able to. Suddenly having a partner who sorts the car insurance is super sexy! Whereas actually I believe we have a relatively fair split. Im sure when the kids are off school for the holidays and he's churning out food non-stop he probably thinks the same.

YANBU, and the good news is, wonderful men do exist ❤️ lucky enough to say I've found one and you deserve one too. Don't give up looking x

Nice wealthy men don't tend to be interested in woman who want them for their wealth.

I didn’t realise this is what I had been craving until I met DP.

He’s just so competent and adds so much to my life. None of it financial because he’s a low earner (part time student), but all the other, more important stuff.

We’re on our way to the airport heading home and he insists on carrying his luggage and mine. He’s also got both our passports safe. It’s the small things. 🥰