Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Ah ok so you don't want to give to charity either, the main reason you said people take part in the raffle. 'They don't take part for the prizes' you said.

You are just an insensitive snob who is now trying to troll because you didn't like the way the thread went.

FWIW, I also would not use a parrafin wax candle or one with synthetic scents at home. But if someone bought me one I would feel grateful and would never ever regift in a way that they would know.

And I can see how it would affect motivation, maybe something like this....
"I'm working with a different team, oooh I'm a bit nervous"
"Oh it's the colleague I bought the candle for last year, I like her. I think she likes me. I think its going to be ok"
"Maybe I'd like to work for this team more, we all get along. I can feel my confidence growing"
"Oh no, she's not very nice at all and doesn't care a jot about me"

You’re surprised that your colleague didn’t rush to help on an urgent task for you, given you had just humiliated her? Yes she has overreacted a bit, but you OP have been rude and thoughtless.

And it’s really odd that you think a charity shop wouldn’t have taken the candle. You seem to be living in a bit of a parallel universe to everyone else regarding usual norms.

And in OPs words who would want a cheapo candle anyway!

You've missed the point. A good manager would see the upset for what it really is. This isn't about the more junior colleague's gift being snubbed, it's about it being snubbed by someone in a senior position who she reports to and who she had been trying to impress with her gift-giving. This won't be about the candle at all, in fact, this'll be about her worrying OP doesn't like her and doesn't value her contribution in the wider scheme.

Edited to add: OP's responses throughout also suggest that she's not easy to work with – uncompromising and quick to be scathing. That may be fuelling the colleague's reaction.

Sadly, it's quite common. "Bosses" tend to have the personality to rise in the ranks but zero empathy. It's a well-known phenomenon.
OP @WorkRaffle all I can say is that I'm glad I don't work for you and why didn't you donate the dreaded candle and put your hand in your pocket for something else, that was "appropriate". Was that because you would have to spend your own money?

The bottom line is that it was insensitive, ungrateful and quite rude for you to put it in the work raffle.

She felt insulted and from your description, thought fuck it why bother when she clearly doesn’t give enough of a shit to even do this discreetly.

You would have felt differently, doesn’t make her wrong as is demonstrated by the voting.

Wouldn't a nice simple way to ensure OP values colleague's contribution be to work hard and do a good job with this urgent task she's been asked to help with?

There's no suggestion she doesn't work hard and do a good job – OP said she was giving off low energy this week, not that she wasn't fulfilling tasks.

Why wouldn't they? It's a CANDLE. No one cares about the cost. They don't tend to take high end things. And it will be sold for 1 or 2 pounds at the charity shop anyway.

If you won't use it for environmental reasons then surely you should have disposed of it. It will still be environmentally unsound in someone else's house, surely?

So you won't burn this candle because of its composition but it's ok to give it to someone else who might? A little illogical, you might as well have used it in that case. As to putting an unwanted office Secret Santa gift in the office raffle that's unwise. The person who gave it will see it and it's rude to make it clear a gift was unwanted. OTOH work colleague is being a bit precious though I can see their pov - they bought a nice candle for you for SS and you've binned it in plain sight. Oh, dear! Did it not occur to you that that was what you were doing?

OP: I asked about the low output of their work this week

I thought this thread was about rude re-gifting?

From the colleagues point of view she’s gifted you something probably thinking you’ve liked it and used it. Then a whole year later the same candles appeared back at work and being gifted away, if you hadn’t wanted it you could have birthday gifted it or donated it to a charity shop any time in that whole year. I’d be really hurt to and confused about the motive. Definitely something every one can move on from though, I’d just explain and say sorry if I was you.

“No kind gesture goes unpunished”.
Maybe the coworker had recycled the candle last xmas! Or expected it couldn’t fail to delight the receiver?

Maybe ruddy secret santa should be done away with? & every1 receive an agreed on identical gift.

Fair enough, I missed that. But I stand by what I wrote earlier – a good manager would see the colleague's reaction for what it really is.

@WorkRaffle Kindly, that was really rather insensitive and tactless, I thought most people would have realised it's not a good idea to re-gift to a forum where the giver is likely to see it.

Kindly again - and after reading some of you responses saying you don't quite see how it's insensitive - are you ND?

I voted YANBU because it was a secret Santa, if it was a gift she had decided to gift you off her own back then it would be different

Never mind it being raised in the 1:1 - you were rude; own your mistake.

Out of interest, are they approx between the ages of 27 and 32?

Over 60. Near to retirement.

I am still bewildered.

Why are you still bewildered? Enough people have now told you it is rude and insensitive to re-gift something you clearly didn't want or appreciate into a raffle that they would quite clearly see.

Even if you don't agree with that, it is normal human behaviour to understand things from the other persons point of view. To specifically hold on to it for a year then essentially get rid of it in a way where she is going to see it is just rude and unnecessary, you can have re-gifted it through the year, or given it to a charity shop (if it's good enough for the work raffle, it would be good enough for a charity shop, despite your excuses to the contrary!), or donated it to any number of raffles that occur throughout the year in other places.

Doing what you did was to make a point, well you made your point.

I expect the colleague was not motivated to do work for you rather than at all.

Having said that I think this is a wind up thread now. The part about a charity shop not wanting a £10 candle was too far.

Yes. Look at the post to which I am replying, which I quoted.

Bit mean of you. You should have given it to someone else not involved in your work. Your work colleague is being over the top though with her comments.