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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wants to leave the uk post budget….

425 replies

Maryaliceyoungx · 27/11/2025 21:21

husband wants to leave and don’t get me wrong - I do see why. We are being hammered in the budget, we drive shitty cars, the rain is shit… life in the UK can be pretty shitty right now. he works for a US based company and I am a US citizen as I was born there and spent my life until my early teens there (parents are British and were working out there) so I see why he wants to go -it would be good for his career and would be potential to make money without the huge tax burden of the UK (company based in low state tax state)

but I don’t want to go… I love my life here. I love our village and my kids lovely village school. My family is here and I worry my parents don’t have so much time left.

however i do have to recognise the money aspect- my husbands job could be impacted by AI so i think he is right in thinking we should max out our earning potential while we can and we just won’t be able to do that here as it will just be taxed away.

aibu for sacrificing potentially huge earnings just because I love village life? Would it even be cheaper? I would insist upon private school in the US(went to state school in the us and have a lot of trauma from that!) and we wouldnt sell our house here so would need to rent. Most recent trip to thr us - over a year ago and cost of living was sky high.

I’ll be honest - couldn’t care about the politics. Politics are shit whereever you go!!

OP posts:
NoKidsSendDogs · 29/11/2025 12:21

poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 12:00

Social Security deduction is 6.2% on the first $176,000 of income (and employer matches). Many of the most pleasant states to live in have state income tax rates near 10% for high earners. Property taxes are typically 1-2.5% the value of the property each year. States and cities with low state income tax tend to have high property tax. (We had both, but a great quality of life)

If OP’s family wishes to live in a major metropolitan area, price of a nice house is likely north of $1.5M and I am not talking about anything really special. At 1.5%, the property tax is $22,750 annually. How does the ‘mansion tax’ feel now?

The financial considerations must be considered as part of a full package including weaker employment protections, RFK, health insurance madness, etc.

I'm not saying they shouldn't be considered, but you're weighing them up against the UK, let's not pretend you're weighing them up against a great place to live. There has been a massive exodus for a reason and this is far from a high functioning, first world country. The NHS is garbage, the infrastructure is on its knees, housing is a joke, taxes are through the roof and only increasing and the only people who benefit from the system are the ones who pay nothing into it. So all that should also be taken into account as well.

Also, I don't see anywhere with 2.5 % property taxes, even in california and nyc.

TorroFerney · 29/11/2025 12:31

Maryaliceyoungx · 27/11/2025 22:49

Wow! What a bitchy comment!

money is important. Is it not to you? As I said my husband job could be impacted by AI and we are getting older and his industry is known for age discrimination so yes we want to make as much as we can now so that we can build savings and pension. Is that so awful.

and I don’t need to be told of the other concerns - as I said I know what they are. I lived in America. Jeez!

It wasn't bitchy at all, you want to go for the increased salary - you have said that. Why are you taking it as an insult? It's fine to want more money. I think I would struggle with not having a job though and being a housewife in a new country, but , you've not mentioned that as an issue?

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 29/11/2025 12:34

It would be cheaper to reframe your values and expectations so you don't mind driving shitty cars.

percypiggy200 · 29/11/2025 12:41

We left London last year, not to go to the US though. I will say that it has taken a full year to get a semblance of the “community” a PP mentioned. It takes time to find friends and find hobbies and if you’d be a SAHM it can be lonely during the school day. So be prepared for it to feel hard for a year.

I’m glad we did it though - my husband is also worried about AI and we are saving a fortune every year here. I don’t think of it as forever, or even for the long term. I think of it as 4-5 years of saving money for DC and maximizing take home pay. You could also think about it as a short/medium term thing and to be reevaluated in 2 years and you both have to want to stay or you go home. Especially if you are keeping your house you can just slot back in, but be on a financially firmer footing. Also kids in primary are so much easier to move because they are so far away from GCSEs and A levels and the exams that matter.

alexisccd · 29/11/2025 12:44

Hi OP

Are you getting relocation support and tax support from DH employer, and does it extend to you? It’s hard to tell if this is a sponsored move or requested - but to evaluate this properly you need to understand more (list below in no particular order). Devil is 100% in detail - and given you are moving for financial and tax reasons it’s critical you have proper advice and get costs and tax modelled if you are serious about this. If DH employer not paying for you to have that support, you should pay for it but also consider that they are not paying, they are not viewing him as a key person to be over there and if they restructure in the US they do it fast.

Details of package - are you supported for move out (relocation support to find accommodation, schools etc, paid for flights and moving costs). If not you need to cost all of this as priority.

Is any accommodation or schooling cost paid for, for how long

What is your estimated accommodation cost inc property taxes

What are your estimated school costs

Cost of cars and new electrical appliances

How many flights back to UK paid for each year - if not paid for, what is the cost.

What about when you leave - any support with relocation back to uk. any conditions? what about if he loses his job - do they still pay? If no support - make sure you understand costs.

Health insurance - what is the package, what are the co-pays (it doesn’t work like the UK)

What policies are in place for life assurance / death in service and critical illness . what is his notice period?

What is the pension provision and what will it be paid into (consider where you wish to retire and how much use the pension offered is / tax impact of drawing it in another country eg back in uk)

What is full package inc variable pay

What is expected US tax rate on income taking into account state and city taxes as well as federal and social.

Tax advisor needs to model your UK and US tax impact - you don’t just fall out if UK tax if you have left, rental income on property, and other uk sourced income may still be taxable here and there - what is the tax credit position and do you have double tax exposure on any items even for a period of time

If DH has existing equity awards granted while working in UK, these will be subject to uk income tax and NIC on portion earnt in UK. US payroll may also subject to federal but any double taxation shd ultimately be resolved via tax returns being filed but that takes a while - does that give you a cash flow impact? State tax will be due on equity awards even if earnt in uk.

Are you up to date on your US tax returns as a US citizen or delinquent on these? if not up to date get advice asap inc immigration input - do not want to be stopped at border.

Does DH get tax advice and tax return support? if not - find out cost of getting advice pre relocation and on ongoing basis. you and he will be filing returns in both countries (as think you said renting out property) plus state tax returns etc if relevant.

Uni costs: is it possible your kids will want to go uni, just consider that possibility and where that might be and build that into costings. You will be well behind if it might be US. For UK, just assume that you would have to pay as if foreign student and save for that if not sure will be back in time to get treated as UK student.

Hope this helps @Maryaliceyoungx

Tbh US isn’t where people are going now to max out income before retiring. So i’m surprised DH thinks it is nirvana, i do worry you are both not well informed.

US has become less popular to move to for obvious reasons (mainly safety, security esp under current administration, significant concerns re health care) and I really do think you need to think carefully about that too.

alexisccd · 29/11/2025 12:51

DdraigGoch · 29/11/2025 10:40

I had a brief look at the budget and there was less change than the headlines suggested.

The reaction to the budget has been ridiculous. You'd think that they sky was falling in. You'll have to pay NICs on salary sacrifice pension contributions. That's the only change of note.

one of the PP has think worked out this gives them a 67% tax cost on pension contribution. there is so much misunderstanding and misinformation.

poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 12:58

NoKidsSendDogs · 29/11/2025 12:21

I'm not saying they shouldn't be considered, but you're weighing them up against the UK, let's not pretend you're weighing them up against a great place to live. There has been a massive exodus for a reason and this is far from a high functioning, first world country. The NHS is garbage, the infrastructure is on its knees, housing is a joke, taxes are through the roof and only increasing and the only people who benefit from the system are the ones who pay nothing into it. So all that should also be taken into account as well.

Also, I don't see anywhere with 2.5 % property taxes, even in california and nyc.

Edited

The property taxes contribute to a much higher quality of life, as do those Soc Security payments. I’ve already said I prefer the trade off. We have no idea where OP’s husband is coming from - he sounds unhappy about the hit to his pay packet.

You are almost correct: I see that Lake County, IL, has a PT average rate of 2.5%. The state of New Jersey has an average PT rate of 2.23%. Tables are online.

But IME there are constant ballot measures for special, one off municipal millages that are collected with the PT for a dedicated cause for a fixed period of time. Eg in my city there was a big library remodel, a major bridge repair, etc, budgeted separately to PT. I was including these as part of PT.

The figures for PT shown in the property listings on realtor (estate agent) sites online make, ah, interesting reading for a British person and put the mansion tax in perspective. :)

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:31

percypiggy200 · 29/11/2025 12:41

We left London last year, not to go to the US though. I will say that it has taken a full year to get a semblance of the “community” a PP mentioned. It takes time to find friends and find hobbies and if you’d be a SAHM it can be lonely during the school day. So be prepared for it to feel hard for a year.

I’m glad we did it though - my husband is also worried about AI and we are saving a fortune every year here. I don’t think of it as forever, or even for the long term. I think of it as 4-5 years of saving money for DC and maximizing take home pay. You could also think about it as a short/medium term thing and to be reevaluated in 2 years and you both have to want to stay or you go home. Especially if you are keeping your house you can just slot back in, but be on a financially firmer footing. Also kids in primary are so much easier to move because they are so far away from GCSEs and A levels and the exams that matter.

Where did you go to?

OP posts:
Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:32

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 29/11/2025 12:34

It would be cheaper to reframe your values and expectations so you don't mind driving shitty cars.

🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
percypiggy200 · 29/11/2025 13:35

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:31

Where did you go to?

We went to Dubai - which I know is not for everyone!

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:42

alexisccd · 29/11/2025 12:44

Hi OP

Are you getting relocation support and tax support from DH employer, and does it extend to you? It’s hard to tell if this is a sponsored move or requested - but to evaluate this properly you need to understand more (list below in no particular order). Devil is 100% in detail - and given you are moving for financial and tax reasons it’s critical you have proper advice and get costs and tax modelled if you are serious about this. If DH employer not paying for you to have that support, you should pay for it but also consider that they are not paying, they are not viewing him as a key person to be over there and if they restructure in the US they do it fast.

Details of package - are you supported for move out (relocation support to find accommodation, schools etc, paid for flights and moving costs). If not you need to cost all of this as priority.

Is any accommodation or schooling cost paid for, for how long

What is your estimated accommodation cost inc property taxes

What are your estimated school costs

Cost of cars and new electrical appliances

How many flights back to UK paid for each year - if not paid for, what is the cost.

What about when you leave - any support with relocation back to uk. any conditions? what about if he loses his job - do they still pay? If no support - make sure you understand costs.

Health insurance - what is the package, what are the co-pays (it doesn’t work like the UK)

What policies are in place for life assurance / death in service and critical illness . what is his notice period?

What is the pension provision and what will it be paid into (consider where you wish to retire and how much use the pension offered is / tax impact of drawing it in another country eg back in uk)

What is full package inc variable pay

What is expected US tax rate on income taking into account state and city taxes as well as federal and social.

Tax advisor needs to model your UK and US tax impact - you don’t just fall out if UK tax if you have left, rental income on property, and other uk sourced income may still be taxable here and there - what is the tax credit position and do you have double tax exposure on any items even for a period of time

If DH has existing equity awards granted while working in UK, these will be subject to uk income tax and NIC on portion earnt in UK. US payroll may also subject to federal but any double taxation shd ultimately be resolved via tax returns being filed but that takes a while - does that give you a cash flow impact? State tax will be due on equity awards even if earnt in uk.

Are you up to date on your US tax returns as a US citizen or delinquent on these? if not up to date get advice asap inc immigration input - do not want to be stopped at border.

Does DH get tax advice and tax return support? if not - find out cost of getting advice pre relocation and on ongoing basis. you and he will be filing returns in both countries (as think you said renting out property) plus state tax returns etc if relevant.

Uni costs: is it possible your kids will want to go uni, just consider that possibility and where that might be and build that into costings. You will be well behind if it might be US. For UK, just assume that you would have to pay as if foreign student and save for that if not sure will be back in time to get treated as UK student.

Hope this helps @Maryaliceyoungx

Tbh US isn’t where people are going now to max out income before retiring. So i’m surprised DH thinks it is nirvana, i do worry you are both not well informed.

US has become less popular to move to for obvious reasons (mainly safety, security esp under current administration, significant concerns re health care) and I really do think you need to think carefully about that too.

Edited

Thank you! These are really useful questions. I have always kept up to date on my tax returns in the us even though it’s a pain in the arse!

I agree I just don’t really feel its the best place to maximise savings and for me if we are to give up our life here it really does have to have positive financial impact

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 29/11/2025 13:46

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 27/11/2025 21:42

I mean I absolutely don't blame him for wanting to ditch the UK but if the US is where he's looking to go I'd say that's a mistake.

Absolutely this. The US is far worse. There's no way I'd risk moving to a gun culture when I had kids.

DdraigGoch · 29/11/2025 13:54

Maryaliceyoungx · 28/11/2025 11:10

Honestly I’m incredibly disappointed in both countries governments at the moment and if we are talking facism then I actually am very disappointed in Labour in that they are in acting out a lot things I did not see in their manifesto therefore I did not vote for (yes I voted Labour in the last election… hope that shuts up the horror show of a poster who said she could smell me out as a Tory whatever the hell that means) as I said i don’t want to leave, but doesn’t stop my disappointment in this government who promised more money in my pocket but actually there will be less. I am well aware it is maybe pot kettle black which is why I came on here. A genuine thank you to the posters who have offered some good points to the think about - especially things like home insurance, co pays ect and who have helped me form my argument of loving village life isn’t a silly position but genuinely one of privilege.

Ive also been taken aback by the posters telling me to ‘fuck off to America’ are people genuinely not allowed to think through the pros and cons of making a move without receiving vitriol?

and if we are talking facism then I actually am very disappointed in Labour

Labour might be a bit useless but they haven't been deploying troops to the streets of places that didn't vote for them. They haven't been rappelling from helicopters into blocks of flats and abducting families in the dead of night. Nor have they suggested that their opponents be executed merely for issuing statements that troops should obey the law.

Goldwren1923 · 29/11/2025 13:59

lol
go to the US
discover what employment at will is 🤣
and true costs of private healthcare

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 14:55

Goldwren1923 · 29/11/2025 13:59

lol
go to the US
discover what employment at will is 🤣
and true costs of private healthcare

this is why I am asking. So what are the true costs of health care?

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 15:19

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 14:55

this is why I am asking. So what are the true costs of health care?

Would your husband be contributing at all to his health insurance through work? If so, how much?

What are the deductibles, copays, caps and excluded items?

You need all this information to determine the true cost of health care in America

alexisccd · 29/11/2025 15:19

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:42

Thank you! These are really useful questions. I have always kept up to date on my tax returns in the us even though it’s a pain in the arse!

I agree I just don’t really feel its the best place to maximise savings and for me if we are to give up our life here it really does have to have positive financial impact

HTH, that you are to date with returns is one less thing to worry about!

There is a living overseas board and i wonder if you would get some further answers to some of your questions over there

Dancingsquirrels · 29/11/2025 15:25

My friend in USA, before sending her son for a playdate, has to ask whether the parents have guns

I wouldn't want to live in USA, especially under Trump

poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 15:54

poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 15:19

Would your husband be contributing at all to his health insurance through work? If so, how much?

What are the deductibles, copays, caps and excluded items?

You need all this information to determine the true cost of health care in America

I see on various reliable sites that the average cost to the employee for a family health insurance plan in America is currently $625/mo or $7500 pa.

I don’t know any details of what coverage this typically provides.

Also, insurance is regulated by each state.

Bloozie · 29/11/2025 16:03

DdraigGoch · 29/11/2025 13:54

and if we are talking facism then I actually am very disappointed in Labour

Labour might be a bit useless but they haven't been deploying troops to the streets of places that didn't vote for them. They haven't been rappelling from helicopters into blocks of flats and abducting families in the dead of night. Nor have they suggested that their opponents be executed merely for issuing statements that troops should obey the law.

Edited

Exactly this. People need to get a grip on the hyperbole. You may not like the UK government, you may not have voted for the UK government, you may have voted for them and now feeling bitterly disappointed (puts up hand), but to suggest that what’s going on in America and over here are much of a muchness is either wild ignorance or wilful bad faith.

Trump’s response to the tragic shooting of the national guardsmen follows the playbook of Nazi Germany and changes what it means to be an American citizen. He’s openly working with Russia to carve Ukraine up into pieces, because that’s what they asked for in return for helping him get re-elected. Openly. He’s using the military to kill Venezuelan citizens based on vibes. Women are dying because doctors can’t terminate pregnancies that risk their health.

Not liking our government’s fiscal policy or approach to asylum, not being able to encourage people to burn other people in their beds (because that’s apparently the free speech we want to protect) is small fucking beans. As a country we are losing our minds and all perspective.

SherbertLemons · 29/11/2025 16:03

the lack of gun control in America means id never (by choice) school my kids there. Its just not worth the risk IMO and for that reason alone it would be a big NO from me

Crikeyalmighty · 29/11/2025 16:07

Maryaliceyoungx · 29/11/2025 13:42

Thank you! These are really useful questions. I have always kept up to date on my tax returns in the us even though it’s a pain in the arse!

I agree I just don’t really feel its the best place to maximise savings and for me if we are to give up our life here it really does have to have positive financial impact

one of my friends had quite a shock when they went there- he got a well paid corporate job but the reality was to live anywhere they wanted to actually live or was convenient without more than an hours driving each way every day ( no trains to where the base was and they really didn’t go a bundle on home working) it really wasn’t cheap - she had just presumed as trailing spouse she could work - turns out she couldn’t - so that needs clarifying unless you 100% don’t want to work . I think with the US in particular you very much have to look beyond a headline figure .

in the end they decided after 2 years he was surplus to requirements and gave him 8 months salary , which is great but means a faff moving back and then having to find a new job and a rental at the point where they had cash- but didn’t have jobs.

poetryandwine · 29/11/2025 16:15

Crikeyalmighty · 29/11/2025 16:07

one of my friends had quite a shock when they went there- he got a well paid corporate job but the reality was to live anywhere they wanted to actually live or was convenient without more than an hours driving each way every day ( no trains to where the base was and they really didn’t go a bundle on home working) it really wasn’t cheap - she had just presumed as trailing spouse she could work - turns out she couldn’t - so that needs clarifying unless you 100% don’t want to work . I think with the US in particular you very much have to look beyond a headline figure .

in the end they decided after 2 years he was surplus to requirements and gave him 8 months salary , which is great but means a faff moving back and then having to find a new job and a rental at the point where they had cash- but didn’t have jobs.

That’s grim for your friend but I think OP is a US citizen

Ripplemoment · 29/11/2025 16:18

Could he go on his own?
I wouldn't disrupt happy children if I could avoid it.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/11/2025 16:18

Bloozie · 29/11/2025 16:03

Exactly this. People need to get a grip on the hyperbole. You may not like the UK government, you may not have voted for the UK government, you may have voted for them and now feeling bitterly disappointed (puts up hand), but to suggest that what’s going on in America and over here are much of a muchness is either wild ignorance or wilful bad faith.

Trump’s response to the tragic shooting of the national guardsmen follows the playbook of Nazi Germany and changes what it means to be an American citizen. He’s openly working with Russia to carve Ukraine up into pieces, because that’s what they asked for in return for helping him get re-elected. Openly. He’s using the military to kill Venezuelan citizens based on vibes. Women are dying because doctors can’t terminate pregnancies that risk their health.

Not liking our government’s fiscal policy or approach to asylum, not being able to encourage people to burn other people in their beds (because that’s apparently the free speech we want to protect) is small fucking beans. As a country we are losing our minds and all perspective.

Edited

I agree totally - I personally would like a bolder labour but in areas I can see are awkward and many on here would disagree with me - ( join EEA, stop this cut of any social benefits at all£100k like funded hours etc ( as big taxpayers I fail to see why they get sod all - and no it doesn’t apply to me, my son is 27 and I don’t earn £100k)

i actually agree with many things - I don’t agree with salary sacrifice, I don’t see why very comfortably off people should be able to put large amounts away every year and get tax add ons-

we can all have individual preferences and political angles we come from and each to his own , we do not however have lunatics in charge issuing mad orders to their guard , posting truly horrible thanksgiving messages to Tim Walz and generally acting constantly off the cuff with one eye on keeping Putin happy - there really is no comparison !!

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