Raging!!!

[Bernie23]

I wanted to go to a meditation/relaxation session for 1hour this evening. I do child’s homework every single day in life after I rush home from work. This evening my daughter had a couple of corrections in her homework and I asked my husband to do them with her when I was away at this course.
Come home and she still has one not completed, another not corrected properly and another that is illegible. AIBU but WTF? I went mad, the one day I ask him to do it, he can’t be bothered to even make sure it’s right. He’s shouting at me saying I’m mad and I need to wise up but I’m livid.

My kids didn't get homework in primary.

I'm not sure if your husband is lazy/useless or just not willing to match your high expectations. Are there other areas of life where you have different standards like this? What would happen if you eased off the pedal a bit?

It's a state primary in the midlands.

None of that happens at my primary. Teachers collect homework and mark it.

No, you can still explain why you're upset and why it is important, but not "raging" and not in front of your daughter.

Your meditation and relaxation session did you good…

I've always said that men have choices, whereas women don't. Men can make the choice not to do something and they know it either won't get done (and they don't care) or someone else will do it. Someone else will tidy up, clean the fire, cut the grass, help with homework, do the shopping, dishes etc. This is why a lot of children live on McDonald's, don't bathe and have dirty clothing and teeth when they visit dad. Some get looked after properly, but I'd hazard a guess most don't receive optimum care.

Your dh chose not to help with the homework properly. It wasn't by accident. They just can't be arsed.

This 100% 🙌🏼

At ours the kids get given the answers and self correct it. So if I didn’t do it with my son he’d never learn anything from it.

The teacher doesn’t see it. They all self correct it with answers on Friday.

I think you helping with homework is great OP, especially with bits she doesn't understand.

However I think 'raging' about a few not yet corrected things is crazy, mildly annoyed, a bit frustrated, irritated is fine - raging is not normal. It sounds like you are completely stressed out and it's resulting in anger issues.

Yes stressed out as as feel I do my job every day and then another full time job in the home/children. Husband just says he’s not here, he’s at work and he can’t do anything about it.

He doesn’t be home until nearly 6. I try to have homework done before then.
I get home from work at 5, do any after school pick up, get dinner on, fire cleaned and lit, dog walked, & sort homework.

You sounds like a great parent. And he sounds like a lazy shit. Another one, honestly the selfishness of men has become boring.

Op if you do it every day and he’s never done it is there a chance he just looked at it? Sometimes we expect things to be done to a certain standard and they just think ‘done’- maybe get him to start doing it more and tell him how you usually fine it. I will say you sound like you properly lost it, which is fair enough as you were tired, but if dh ranted away at me I wouldn’t love it!!

And yet they are moaning to their mates or on social media that we dont want them anymore, and/or "blindsided" when we divorce them.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/marriage/women-midlife-divorce-b2868372.html?utm_campaign=lighteradlayout

I get it. It's a bit like asking him to make the kids dinner one night when you do it every other night and he orders them pizza or gives them a bowl of cereal.

No big deal for one night, but it wouldn't wash to do it all the time. So why can't he fucking do things properly the one time he's asked to do them?

‘Raging’? Bit of an extreme reaction over a 9-year olds homework OP?

‘Miffed’ I could get on board with…but ‘raging’ I feel is overkill 🤷‍♀️

I think you're being given quite a hard time here OP when it's obvious you're frustrated your husband let you down.

I always helped my children at primary school with their homework. They were quiet, bright, well-behaved girls who would have gotten zero academic attention if I'd left it to the school (school was lovely but they were dealing with the more demanding children first).

I never gave them the answers; I scaffolded their learning by asking them questions.

It's vey stressful for young kids to do work at home alone, many primary school aged children just don't have those kinds of organizational/ concentration skills yet.

I think its clear that this is just the final straw

Yes but correcting your child's homework is not the same as teaching them bits they don't understand. My point is that if you are doing your child's homework for them or correcting everything they do they are not learning anything, and they are probably not making effort in the first place knowing that mum will do all the hard bits for them later. It's not very motivating to know that mum will go through it and help them make it better and it protects them from the consequences of doing poorly on the homework. Children need to learn a direct relationship between (their own) hard work and success not have everything handed to them on a plate by over protective, competitive parents.