Raging!!!

[Bernie23]

I wanted to go to a meditation/relaxation session for 1hour this evening. I do child’s homework every single day in life after I rush home from work. This evening my daughter had a couple of corrections in her homework and I asked my husband to do them with her when I was away at this course.
Come home and she still has one not completed, another not corrected properly and another that is illegible. AIBU but WTF? I went mad, the one day I ask him to do it, he can’t be bothered to even make sure it’s right. He’s shouting at me saying I’m mad and I need to wise up but I’m livid.

In what world is there always a TA who looks closely at the homework of 30 children?

This is not a hill to die on, more relaxation sessions needed

It’s not an exam, it’s supported learning. They have tests in class which show their level of understanding. Homework is about practicing what they have learnt in class and going over any areas they are confused about and making sure they understand.

Literally what I'm going to be doing tomorrow morning.

Ah then apologies. Is that the normal pattern? All schools, all classes? Genuine question.

The school I work in, all general TAs have the first part of the morning to collect, mark, record and stick in new homework. I don't know about other schools.

Thanks. Never worked with a TA in that capacity so didn't know.

It sounds like he's just generally a bit useless. This was possibly the last straw.

OP, some of the replies here I find a bit harsh. I had parents who could untangle homework where necessary (vivid memories of my mum doing volume of a cylinder with the aid of a soup tin). It's not cheating in my world, it's perhaps finding another way to ask the question or check the meaning of phrasing. I find the 'hands off' approach a bit odd really.
In turn, I helped my DD with stuff she just needed a bit of support with to get straight in her mind. Parents aren't there in tests or exams. Those are on the children.

@Bernie23 Your DH sounds like a lazy fecker. What’s he doing when you’re supervising homework?

My DH took charge of assisting with homework when DS was in NS school.

He also took on responsibility for two other children once a week after school and we made it into a longer play date with tea provided. He did the homework supervision and I cooked the tea. We did this for 6 years.

The two little friends who joined us weren’t as academic as DS and DH also realised that one of the children was probably dyslexic so he suggested to the parent to get him tested. School hadn’t raised this with the parents and yes, he turned out to be Dyslexic. DH has no teaching qualifications but a Masters in English.

Teachers in schools don’t always spot stuff especially if the child seems disruptive. Turns out it was because he was struggling to read and understand number theory. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think I’ve heard it all now 😂😂 homework isn’t a qualification. Helping your primary school aged child isn’t cheating! Blimey.

OP - you’re right in both ways. Helping your child with homework WILL help their understanding of the subject, you are investing in their education and hopefully future lifestyle.

Expecting your husband to do a good job the one time he has to do it isn’t unreasonable. It sounds like he only really has to focus on his job and himself while you do everything else, this needs to change. A job where he’s out 5 days a week for such long hours isn’t conducive to young family life. He needs to find a way of being more helpful.

It’s your daughters homework. Chillax.

I totally agree with OP. It's a parent's job to be involved in their childs education and to help fill in gaps that they have from class. Like @Bernie23 I can't believe the number of people on this thread absolving themselves from this responsibility and expecting the teacher to catch their kids up. Involved parents don't give the answer they fill in the gaps so the child learns and can get the answer themselves.

My mum was like yours @Bernie23 . She had to leave achool at 15 and was determined we'd go to uni. We did homework in the kitchen while she made dinner. She was so chuffed when I came home from high school one day being the only one to get a maths homework question right. I said to my teacher my mum had helped me work through it, he asked if she was a maths teacher. That made her happy. She was always there to bounce homework questions off. Even in uni I'd run things past her for her thoughts if I was stuck on something.

ETA I've tutored school age children because for some reason their parents couldn't spend the time. Their marks, just from me answering their questions as they worked through their homework, went from Ds to Bs. Their confidence soared. Helping with homework has so many benefits for your kids.

This was one evening I wanted to do one thing for myself.

But you did?

It was you who chose to "go mad" at your husband and ruin the evening purely because he didn't "parent" to your exact standards of how you do things.

I'm assuming your child is loved, well fed, well educated, happy (when her parents aren't shouting at each other).... Your husband didn't check her homework the way you wanted her to. So what??? Was it really worth flying into a rage about?

You need to chill out. Massively.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with supporting your child with their homework. We offer support, not answers, support!

Some of the online work, doesn't allow the child to complete the work if they are unable to answer a question. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wording the question differently or offering an alternative solution to answer the question.

I would be upset too OP, your husband should be supportive of the homework too.

That’s amazing! Is it a primary school? Or private? It’s not the case at our South London secondary school that’s for sure 😞

I would sit with my son and let him do the homework himself, but if he didn't understand something or was unsure, I'd explain it to him. I wouldn't give him the answer, but give him strategies for working the answer out himself. I didn't have help with my homework, it was a very long time ago now. However, times have changed and I can't compare my school days with the pressures on youngsters nowadays. My son is now 15, and works independently, only on occasions does he ask for help.

I have to say ive never really got involved in any of my kids homework, they're all doing great

I did in primary, the way I was taught in school. Which they understood quite well. Until one day the work was marked incorrect because the workings out where wrong, despite the right answer.

Was I fuck going to lean a whole new way of doing maths just for a mark. A right answer is a right answer imo

Thankfully those days as long behind me

My kids school also returns the graded homework, so I'm able to look at where the kids went wrong and work on it with them. I think that's great because the school has an idea of where they are academically and then I'm able to support afterwards.

Same. Isn't the point of it for the teacher to be able to gauge if the pupil has understood what they've been taught, without needing help? Just stop doing it, OP - both of you.

Yeah bit shit he hasnt done that, but i would be "raging" more annoyed.

You came home from a relaxation session raging? Sounds like it didn’t work terribly well?

Handing in homework which is 100% correct but not entirely understood by her is actually no help to her at all.

This is the crux of it.... your husband is responding to the single time that you have wanted to go out and have totally lost it because he failed to do the single thing that you asked him to do. Other posters are picking apart the fact that you help your child with their homework. But you.. you are responding to every single thing you have done, without asking, without someone telling you, without someone saying thank you... and this mountain, this volcano, this flood trapped behind a dam has just burst and let fly. The tedtalk is relatable.. even if it hints at other nuances behind why women let fly..

You probably entered marriage dreaming of a partnership, decided together to have children dreaming that you would share this journey equally, but years in where your husband leaves the house before everyone else and gets back when all the parenting is done and you fill in everything in between, without acknowledgement, without support, without thanks... only to be told they child is better off learning this themselves! It is no wonder you are raging.

And for what it is worth, children who do have support with homework, with navigating life and with emotions are likely to succeed more than children who are left to figure it all out on their own.

www.ted.com/talks/tracee_ellis_ross_a_woman_s_fury_holds_lifetimes_of_wisdom?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=social&utm_content=2021-7-30-cutdown&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMzUwNjg1NTMxNzI4AAEe7zKiB2KJc8QVGOIvtONamDY0t587ZeUdeGB-1EHZOUSp4lU6gPwDhcpt_zI_aem_5-la80HK_Kr6RguNVzldHA