DH double booking Christmas arrangements

[whitewinefriday]

I am being deliberately vague about the details.

DH and I have plans with my family in mid December (Plan A). DH has now made arrangements with a friend of his (Plan B) which clash. Its not a total clash, but its highly likely that Plan A will be impacted in some way by Plan B. I have asked DH to find another date to see his friend and he said he would try.

But if he can't find another date, and my family plans end up being impacted, am I within my rights to decline to attend an arrangement with his family, the following week?

I don't see how that would help.

I think you need to explain what the plans are. Also, do you want to see his family?

This is why I literally tie my partner down in November, get the calendar out and we agree dates of seeing family, friends, getting tree etc so there's no clashes! He hates doing it but I'd had enough of going to things alone as he'd double booked.

So he's going out for a drink, the night before you go and see your parents then.

You can do what you want I suppose if you like being in a tit for tat relationship. Does he see his friend a lot?

Seems petty to me, is that how your relationship normally works though? If so, it’s a bit sad! I’d be suggesting to DH that he honours the original commitment as that’s just basic manners.

Relationships are built on compromise and flexibility rather than point scoring. Christmas is a busy time when there are a lots of opportunities to meet up with friends and family, you don’t have to be joined at the hip for every minute of every family event.

How often do you get together with your family?

how often does your dh have something planned with a friend?

I wouldn’t go down the tit for tat route. So what if he has to miss a day? You get to see your family, and sometimes it’s lovely getting some time with your parents on your own. I’ve done the same when seeing friends, schedules are so difficult these days, sometimes you have to fit it in when you can.

If he's the one driving to your parents ( Plan A ) that still happens . He then gets a train / taxi to Plan B if you need the car , he does Plain B , comes back to you . You finish Plain A , go home .

Seems a bit childish of you. What exactly are the plans? Might change things but Christmas tit for tat suggests you’ve too much time on your hands

Petty.

Well, no, because that would be a pretty, childish thing to do. Is that normally how your relationship is?

No. I would just stick to what I agreed with my family.

If DH Plan B means he can’t attend or participate then that’s on him and he can explain his choices to your family.

I wouldn’t participate in plan B myself. It’s not clear if that’s expected.

This is my point exactly. We never have any trouble getting everything into the diary if we get it sorted in advance and everyone is usually happy.

I don't think it's petty, it's just matching his energy. He hasn't prioritised seeing OP's parents so why should she make an effort with his parents? I think you've got a point OP.

Petty but who gives a fuck.
he needs to change his plans and honour the first commitments or he has to learn that if he can change plans so can you.

What is they see her parents every weekend

and this is a one off special event with a friend

Why is seeing his family something that you see only as a box-ticking exercise that you should not do as petty revenge for him missing something worh your family? Do neither of you actually lile doing things with each other's families?

Are you a blended family op?

No

OP has said it's not a total clash though. So yeah, petty.

DH has agreed to plan A, if he can't arrange another time to see his friend he cancels it. He doesn't get to change what was agreed for plan A. That's very rude.

Just to add we see both sides of the family regularly and DH sees his friend regularly. Everyone gets on, so no issues there. Its just the principle of Plan B negatively impacting on Plan A. I think its poor and wanted other opinions.

Plan B would need to be shortened to accommodate Plan A.

If you're 7 then not seeing his family is a great idea. If you're an adult, you're being ridiculous. Grow up, sit down with your husband and work out a compromise.